I’m going out on a limb here. I may get in trouble with Michael Powell of the FCC or the thought police, or even those hard-nosed conservatives who’s "do as I say, not as I do" mantra is so prevalent in the media. Gosh, I may be teetering on being censored because I may "offend" somebody. So, here’s a warning; so as not to offend someone let me warn you that some information you are about to read is informative and yet a bit "touchy" with people who are sensitive. To those, I say: put it down or turn the page. People have a right to read what they want—so, anyway, here goes....

You know how America has a fascination with things big? Huge houses (McMansions), huge SUVs (Hummers, Expedition, etc.), Food (Super size me—bigger fries, bigger drinks, etc). America has really had a fascination with big things for a very long time. Here’s a stretch. Do you remember back in the 50s and 60s the ads for Mark Eden Bust Developer? It showed a woman with a 28 AAA bustline who used the Mark Eden Method to increase her bust size to a whopping 36D. Now that is a stretch for sure. The ads really worked for that company, and many were sold to the smaller woman with hopes of pleasing her spouse with bigger breasts. We became breast obsessed—more so since then—for we now have women going in for surgery for breast enhancement. Bigger is better, right? And did you know we’ve taken it a bit further. Women who are nicely enhanced at a 36D now are going in for surgery to become 40D. Crazy, ain’t it?

This brings me to the subject of my Memorial Day article: Be forewarned everyone. I’m about to use a word that I could get in trouble with. And yet it is a part of the anatomy. So, turn the page or put it down—the word is...penis. Yup, it has other names besides that but the proper name of it is penis. So why am I going out on a limb? Well, it started sometime ago when I first saw the commercial for a new pill that promised to enhance my member. It’s called Enzyte—you’ve probably seen it on TV—and no doubt you get bombarded on your computer with endless ads promising to add 3 inches on your johnson. You know—"Bob is ‘living large’ thanks to Enzyte." Gosh, I thought, is it really true? I had to look it up!

Did you know that according to a Penthouse magazine survey of 1,000 men who were asked if they were happy with their size, almost everyone said he was "too small" and wished he were a lot larger. Kinda sounds like the guys have a problem, like the ladies have a problem with their breast size. Are we being made to feel inferior because we aren’t built like John Holmes or Jeff Stryker? Are we to buy into this snake oil and purchase Enzyte to boost our size and our ego? Well, guys, I’ve got news for you, the stuff doesn’t work—nada!

No pill can enlarge your sex organ, so save your money. Nick (my other half) said I should purchase the Enzyte and do a test on myself. Well, for number one—I’m okay with my member—nobody’s ever complained, the stuff in Enzyte may not be totally safe for you—the FDA does not test it—and I’m unwilling to part with a lot of money to try it. These guys at Enzyte are banking on us guys to make them rich. And by the way, they must be, cause these commercials run day and night and air-time ain’t cheap.

According to a survey of women (none were done for gay men) they don’t seem to care about their man’s size of equipment. Most women said they looked for kindness, caring, warmth, tenderness, attentiveness, commitment, shared values, a good listener, a sense of humor, a guy who makes a decent living and isn’t strung out on booze or drugs. (Yo, people, I have that guy! Excuse me, but I had to brag a little about that one.) When these women were asked if they desired a man with a huge penis, a large portion of them said no. (Gee, nobody did a survey of what gay men wanted. Betcha the results would be different.) Many of the women said it was the men who were obsessing about penis size. Yeah, and do some women obsess over their breast size?

And now the bad news. There is no safe way to permanently enlarge your penis. Most urologist’s strongly advise not to opt for surgery to lengthen the penis or for girth enhancement. They inject fat into the penis to increase the girth—sometimes, well, most of the time, it’s reabsorbed back into the body, so the fat (size) disappears. Or the fat settles in lumps along the penis making it look strange and abnormal.

Some guys opt for penis lengthening—a tricky surgery for sure. The internal penis is anchored by the penile suspensatory ligament. When you cut this ligament, much of the internal penis emerges from the lower abdomen, so you get approximately an inch added to the exterior penis. The drawback, fellows? When the suspensatory ligament is cut, the erections you have no longer will salute you. It now hangs down between your legs because the support system has been cut. And oh yes, there are doctors out there that will fix a botched operation of the penis. No operation is guaranteed safe, no matter what body part is being worked on.