You know how you’re looking through your favorite magazines or newspapers and you spot some really strange article on a famous sports figure? Your reaction could be, “huh?— get outta here,” “Say what?,” or, “I find that hard to believe.” This past week that’s just what it has been like for me. It’s time to share some information on famous and infamous characters in the wide world of sports.

Oh lookee, there’s Tonya Harding back in the news. This time our darling knee-knocker and former Olympic ice skating queen is accused of beating her live-in boyfriend, Darren Silver, in the face. What a gal! Tonya, who’s 29 years old, was booked for investigation of fourth-degree domestic assault after she beat the hell out of Silver, leaving him bruised and bloodied after throwing a hubcap (Frisbee style) at his head.

This girl has good aim. It bounced off his head while she pummeled him with punches. The two lovebirds had lived together for the past three years, but the sweet thing was arrested and was ordered to stay away from Mr. Silver. As if!!

My advice to Mr. Silver is that if you see her coming at you with a crowbar, head for the hills. We will keep you updated on this—as if anyone really cares.

To all of you basketball fans comes a story about Tom Gugliotta, the Phoenix Suns forward. It seems Tom ingested an unapproved dietary supplement that proved quite life threatening. This little episode landed him in the hospital. The Suns hoopster had chug-a-lugged a supplement that converted to GHB once it was in his body. He thought it would help him relax, but he almost bought the farm and took a dirt nap.

Tom said, “What burns me is I took something that I really didn’t know too much about. That’s just not right to do and it nearly cost me my life.” Seems this stuff is an unapproved drug that’s been on the FDA’s stop list for a while. The FDA has documented three deaths so far, and numerous cases of users now in a comatose state.

This stuff is believed to spur the body’s release of growth hormone, so muscle heads have been known to use it. In fact, a well-known Louisiana bodybuilder, Jeremy Kane Graphia, was sentenced to 10 years for making and distributing the substance. It’s also popular in the U.S. at those all-night dance parties called raves. Partygoers take the drug with alcohol, proving a very toxic mix. What are these people thinking?

This next story is just totally bizarre—no kidding. Winning a gold medal at the 1992 Olympic games in Barcelona, German distance runner Dieter Baumann, age 34, was suspended for two years following results of his urine test. He flunked not once, but twice, for steroid usage. No big news, heard it before, right? Wait, it gets better.

Poor Dieter insisted he’d been framed and allowed experts to search his residence. They found anabolic steroids in his toothpaste. And mine just has baking soda!! Dieter had 10 times the limit of nandrolone in his system. Boy, this guy must have brushed after every meal! The finding sparked a criminal investigation into who “roid-raided” Baumann’s medicine cabinet. The Olympic runner has also filed legal proceedings against “unknown parties.” Police have no leads so far. Now Dieter has to prove that the nandrolone was maliciously pumped into the toothpaste. It is a mystery, isn’t it?

To Darryl Strawberry, so sorry fella. You’ve failed your drug test again and I’ve got two words for you and I’ll say them only once—Betty Ford. Are you listening, Darryl? I hope so.

Many of you have probably heard of Lance Armstrong. He’s the Texas cyclist who survived testicular cancer to win the Tour de France last year. Truly inspiring, don’t you think? It seems the French journalists who covered the Tour de France have accused Lance of doping himself after he tested positive for corticosteroids, which he had absorbed from a skin cream he had used for saddle sores. He’s since been exonerated but the French persist in their rumors about him. It’s the French who are the “sore asses.” Pass the cream, please.