However, only 16% of rapes are ever reported to the police. In a survey of victims who did not report rape or attempted rape to the police, the following was found as to why no report was made: 43% thought nothing could be done, 27% felt it was a private matter, 12% were afraid of police response, and 12% felt it was not important enough.²

As a mother of three daughters, I am really frightened. What can I do to help keep my girls safe or support them if, god forbid, they are assaulted? My two oldest daughters, ages 21 and 19, are statistically three times more likely to be the victim of sexual assault as they are in the age group at highest risk—ages 16-24.³

What I have tried to do is educate them.

Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior where one partner tries to maintain control over the other by using physical, psychological, verbal and sexual violence. It is primarily an issue of power and control.3 The Domestic Violence Coordinating Council of Delaware lists on their web site indicators of abuse. They include hitting, kicking, pushing, slapping, choking, punching, biting, constant jealousy and control, threats, forced sex, social isolation, economic control, destruction of personal property, excessive criticism, extreme anger, or the using of race, age, sexual identity, immigration status, class, appearance, religion, HIV status to harm or control.

I have shared with my daughters that any of these behaviors is unacceptable and if they find themselves in a relationship where their partner begins to exhibit any of these behaviors, they need to seek help. For me, it is sometimes hard not to have my oldest daughters at home any longer. I can no longer protect them in the ways I used to be able. I no longer know of their daily whereabouts or who all of their friends might be. I have to let go and allow them their space and freedom to grow up and be independent. Sometimes, however, I do wish my girls were seven and nine again and safe at home in their own beds on a Friday night.

My solace is knowing that if my daughters need help and support beyond what I might be able to offer that in the state of Delaware we are blessed to have many organizations that are available to assist when a person is in crisis. I would like to share with you information about one of those organizations.

CONTACT Delaware is recognized as Delaware’s preeminent provider of helpline and direct services as well as prevention and education programs. Their mission is to provide the highest quality telephone counseling, crisis intervention, information and referral, education and prevention services for persons in crisis and for persons in need of listening services. Their services are provided by professionally trained and supervised volunteers who respond anonymously and confidentially 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

What does this mean for the young woman or young man who has just been assaulted? They can call CONTACT Delaware and a caring volunteer will be on the other end of the phone offering assistance. A volunteer from CONTACT Delaware could be with them while they file a police report, meet and be with them at the hospital, accompany them to the attorney’s office and court, or provide safe haven at a local shelter. CONTACT Delaware would also offer individual and group counseling services.

For me, this means that my daughter would have extra support from a trained professional in one of her greatest times of need. As a mother, that would mean everything to me.

My part is doing what I can to educate myself and help raise awareness in my community. To help raise awareness in my community, I work for The Peace Project. It is an organization that is dedicated to creating peace one person at a time. One of the activities of The Peace Project is organizing benefit concerts for CONTACT Delaware. On Saturday, April 1st such a concert was held at Nassau Valley Vineyards featuring the women’s music artist Ferron and jazz-folk singer Nadine Goellner. Tina Buckingham from CONTACT Delaware took the stage and shared information about the support and services they provide. The concert was one of the most beautiful acoustic concerts I have ever attended. It was a magical evening of music. The Peace Project will continue producing these concerts to help raise awareness in our community. On Saturday, October 28th at the Lewes Yacht Club, The Peace Project will produce another benefit concert for CONTACT Delaware. It will feature the music of Bar Scott and begin with an art exhibit of healing mandalas by glass artist Mary Brett, founder of The Peace Project. We hope you choose to join us for another evening of spectacular music for a very worthy cause.

As I educate myself, I am learning that sexual assault and domestic violence not only potentially touches the lives of our daughters, it also can touch the lives of our sons, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, cousins, friends...the list can go on and on. Please become knowledgeable about the resources available in your local community. It Isn’t a private matter and it is important enough. Although it might sound trite, it really does take a village to raise and grow our babies safely and peacefully and to create safe and peaceful communities, countries and world in which they can live happy, productive lives. Someday your knowledge might be able to provide help and support to someone at one of the most vulnerable times in their life. Or, perhaps, one day, that someone might be you.

For more information regarding CONTACT Delaware’s programs, services and volunteer opportunities, please visit www.contactdelaware.org or call 800-262-9800.

1 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
2 National Victim Center
3 Domestic Violence Coordinating Council of Delaware