The Secret Lives of Clowns
Ever since I was a child, I’ve been
afraid of clowns. A couple of months ago, I was talking to some new
friends about my fears and I explained to them how I felt about clowns.
Later that night, they invited me back to their house. When they answered
their door, a clown that was built like a brick house opened the door and
invited me in! Normally, I would have run away, but this was not your
ordinary clown. Let’s just say, I put on a red nose and learned some new
some circus tricks that evening. What is it that makes something sexy for
some and a nightmare for others? Our brain.
The brain’s our most important erotic
zone—it controls everything. Most of us have discovered that no matter
how hard we try, if our head isn’t into it, our body won’t respond.
For many people, sexual fantasies play an
important role in sexual motivation and help define our erotic
personality. A sexual fantasy provides us with a “map of desire” that
gives our imagination a starting point.
Sexual fantasies also provide an important
escape valve, permitting us to keep our public behavior within acceptable
social limits, while at the same time, allowing us to express our desires
and psychologically engage in behaviors we may not actually want to do.
They also provide us the chance to explore a different side of ourselves.
Maybe you’re a powerful person with many responsibilities. You might
enjoy letting go of all that power in a fantasy and exploring the more
passive or submissive side of yourself. Conversely, you might be a very
quiet type; but in your fantasies, you can explore being the strong
superhero.
Recognizing the power of fantasy, some
groups have attempted to control our thoughts by teaching us that just
thinking about something is the same as doing it. This is not just
erroneous, but can suppress creativity and create discomfort with our
sexual thoughts.
In fact, there are two kinds of sexual
fantasies: rehearsal fantasies, in which we “audition” a new sexual
behavior, person or situation; and impossible fantasies, those which are
either physically impossible or emotionally impossible (something you
definitely would never want to actually do). Impossible fantasies can
create discomfort, because sometimes we’re not sure what they represent.
To fantasize something doesn’t necessarily mean you want to actually do
it. You might want to keep some fantasies special and private, while
others you might want to share with a partner.
Generally, the hottest fantasies are the
ones that are most forbidden. I have talked to a lot of guys who have bare
backing fantasies. We might never want to actually try this, but in
fantasy we can give ourselves permission to step outside the boundaries of
our everyday lives and explore. This is another form of safer sex.
So don’t be afraid to face your fears
through your fantasies. It might be the safest thing you’ve ever done.
Sal Seeley is Program Director of CAMPsafe, an HIV/AIDS program
funded through a contract with the Delaware Division of Public Health.
E-mail salvatoreseeley@aol.com.
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