How Do You Make a Hormone?

Oh yes, spring has sprung—finally! My crocuses are croaking, my daffodils are blooming. Lots of bright, warm days are ahead. I can’t wait. If memory serves me right, as the days get longer, I no longer suffer from light deprivation—you know, that blah kind of feeling that comes during the winter while anticipating those sunny summer days at the beach.

And speaking of memory, I just finished an article about how testosterone supplements can ward off Alzheimer’s disease. OK guys listen up—this sounds really important for us.

Published in the journal, Neurology, a new study tracked the testosterone levels of 574 men. The age range for these guys was 32 to 87. It was found that after 19 years, 1 in 10 of these gentlemen had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. It was found that everyone’s testosterone in the study was down to some degree due to the aging process, but in the men who developed Alzheimer’s the hormone level had fallen to about half of the guys who didn’t develop the disease.

First let’s get something straight. All men tend to produce less of the male hormone testosterone as we grow older. That’s just the way nature treats us. But some men produce less then others and therein lies the interest and the concern. Almost all of us stud-muffins top out in testosterone production in our teens to mid-twenties. Some of us have more than others (lucky guys!!). We produce less and less as the years pass—many of us when we get into our 30s notice a change in our sex drive and prowess. It’s called aging, gents. Other studies have shown that testosterone improves performance (I’ll say!) on cognitive tests, but this is the first study to suggest that low levels of circulating testosterone may provide a warning. A warning as much as 10 years in advance, that the poor guy will develop Alzheimer’s. Dr. Susan Resnick, who wrote the study, believes testosterone may interfere with the production of the plagues and tangles associated with Alzheimer’s disease.

If she is right, then you can bet your bottom dollar that the demand for testosterone prescriptions will shoot up dramatically. It’s a fact that sales of prescriptions have increased 500% over this past decade. That is mind boggling (pardon the pun). An estimated 800,000-850,000 men take prescription testosterone, some to treat abnormally low levels called hypogonadism, others to boost normal testosterone levels in hopes of increasing muscle mass or athletic performance.

But there seem to be some drawbacks to all this. Doctors are still concerned about the problems of female hormone replacement therapy, some develop problems—some do not. Perhaps some fine-tuning on female hormone therapy is in order. Of course, in a large population, some will develop some kind of problem. Cooler heads should prevail in situations like these. And their male counterparts are also being warned about possible problems. While there are many pros to hormone replacement, there are some cons as well. Dr. Resnick is concerned that testosterone supplements can increase your risk of prostate cancer and stroke. But according to the New England Journal of Medicine, it was suggested that the studies were not large enough to say for sure. The ideal levels of testosterone still need to be worked out. Dr. Resnick says that "an 80 year old man should not have the hormone levels of a 20 year old" (Stud Muffin). Well, duh, Dr. Resnick, ya think? If that was the case, then there would be many satisfied elderly women at Shady Acres Rest Home with big smiles on their faces. I sure wouldn’t mind having the sex drive of a 20 year old when I turn 80. Do I hear anybody complaining? So, more research is in order. I say go for it. Anything that can improve the quality of life in my later years is OK by me. And we all have to die from something. And maybe with hormone replacement therapy, we won’t need to pop a Viagra or Cialis whenever we feel the mood for love strike us. This may shock you all, but old people still have sex—yup—and that’s ok. We will all be there eventually.

Ok, now here is a word of warning to the wise. I know we are all bombarded each day on the computer with ads that promote energy, vitality, and youthfulness if you purchase testosterone-like items off the internet. Guys, this stuff ain’t real. Nor will it work for you. Just like the pill you pop to gain 3 inches on your penis overnight, it just ain’t going to work. Real hormone replacement items (or steroids) cannot be purchased unless you have a prescription from your doctor. It is illegal to purchase steroids over the internet, they are a Class 3 drug. Congress banned the sale of them back in 1990 to protect the children.

Seems the WWF and people like Hulk Hogan used to brag that they took special vitamins (steroids) to get huge and muscular. So, it came to the attention of the morality watchers that we had to do something about this to protect the children who watched and idolized these big beefy wrestlers. But everything nowadays is done for the children so the population gets another law shoved down its throat. Just recently President Bush has decreed that they are on a witch hunt for any athlete who takes steroids as these are dangerous drugs and we need to protect the children. Maybe Mr. Bush should be more concerned about protecting the children from alcohol and tobacco. I know a lot of kids who drink and/or smoke or both. I do not know one kid who takes steroids.