Butler (1739-1829), the
daughter of a noble family, was born in Dublin and educated at a convent in
France. She was fascinated with the study of literature and languages, and
showed little interest in marriage. Ponsonby (1755-1831) was born to a
wealthy Dublin family; she lost both her parents when she was a child and
came under the care of her father’s relatives. Butler, then aged 29, met
13-year-old Ponsonby at a boarding school Ponsonby attended in Kilkenny,
Ireland. Over the next 10 years the two developed an intense friendship,
which continued through correspondence and visits after Ponsonby left the
school.
In 1778, defying social
convention, Butler and Ponsonby disguised themselves in men’s clothing and
ran away together. After this first elopement, their disapproving families
managed to bring them back, but the women resisted all attempts to keep them
apart and escaped again—this time for good. Their families eventually
resigned themselves to the relationship: one relative of Ponsonby’s
remarked, “though it has an appearance of imprudence, it is I am sure void
of serious impropriety” as there were “no gentlemen concerned.”
After traveling around
England and Wales—chronicled in Ponsonby’s journal Account of a Journey
in Wales perform’d in May 1778 by Two Fugitive Ladies—Butler and
Ponsonby settled in the small Welsh hamlet of Llangollen, in a cottage they
named Plas Newydd (“New Place”). Admirers of the French Romantic
philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau, they strove to attain his ideal of
humanity in harmony with nature. Living on small stipends from their
families, the ladies often read to each other, studying literature, foreign
languages, politics, and the arts. They also devoted themselves to working
in their garden and decorating their home in the Gothic style with stained
glass and wooden carvings.
Despite their unorthodox
relationship, the eccentric ladies came to be both well-loved by their
townsfolk and well- regarded by English society. Their home became a
cultural center, and they corresponded with and received visits from many
prominent figures of the day, including authors Sir Walter Scott and Robert
Southey, statesman Edmund Burke, novelist Lady Caroline Lamb, and naturalist
Charles Darwin. The Duke of Wellington (who defeated Napoleon at Waterloo)
was a friend and frequent visitor, and William Wordsworth and Anna Seward
celebrated the ladies’ idyllic pastoral lifestyle in their poetry.
Were Butler and Ponsonby
lesbians? Neither woman ever married, and there has been considerable
debate—in their own time and since—about whether their relationship was
sexual. Anne Lister (herself a woman-loving woman) wrote after visiting the
ladies in Llangollen, “I cannot help thinking that surely it was not
Platonic,” and French author Colette speculated about the nature of their
relationship in her book The Pure and the Impure. But some later feminists
maintained that the ladies were motivated not by erotic passion, but by a
desire to live as independent women. Butler and Ponsonby certainly shared a
devoted friendship. They slept in the same bed, often wore men’s clothes,
and reportedly named one of their dogs Sappho. In her journals, Butler
referred to Ponsonby as “my beloved.”
During the pre-Victorian
era—when middle and upper-class women often entered loveless marriages to
fulfill family and social obligations—intimate female friendships were
widely accepted as an additional emotional outlet. But Butler and Ponsonby
were among the first to boldly defy family pressure and societal
expectations, living together openly as a couple.
Butler died in June 1829,
followed by Ponsonby two years later. They are buried together at St. Collen
Church in Llangollen. Today, Plas Newydd is a museum, where some of the
ladies’ diaries and possessions are on display. Two centuries after their
death their relationship remains an example of loving camaraderie between
women, and they have come to be regarded, in the words of biographer
Elizabeth Mavor, as “a paradigm of the heart’s desire...the perfect
friends.”
For further reading:
Curren, Anna M. 2001. Love,
Above the Reach of Time: Two Stories of the Ladies of Llangollen (LadyePress
USA).
Faderman, Lillian. 1981.
Surpassing the Love of Men: Romantic Friendship and Love between Women from
the Renaissance to the Present (William Morrow).
Mavor, Elizabeth. 1971. The
Ladies of Llangollen: A Study in Romantic Friendship (Penguin).
Liz Highleyman is a freelance writer and
editor who has written widely on health, sexuality, and politics. She can be
reached care of Letters from CAMP Rehoboth or at POcolumn@aol.com.
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