Matthew Shepard was brutally beaten and left to die on a fence in Dick Cheney’s home state of Wyoming.

Since Matthew’s unspeakably violent tragedy, his brokenhearted mother, Judy Shepard, has worked tirelessly to pass hate crimes legislation in the U.S. House—a bill that will protect gay citizens so no more parents live through the horror that she endured. The bill moves on to the Senate now and in a predicted close vote, Dick Cheney could cast the deciding one.

So now, the Cheneys are linked to that Wyoming fence in ways no fiction writer could contrive. Matthew died on a fence. Yet Dick sits on one. And leans to the right.

The Vice President’s lesbian daughter, Mary and her partner, Heather Poe, just delivered his grandson, Samuel David Cheney. But instead of leaping to support the rights of his own growing family, he will likely sit on a fence and ponder. Instead of leading on this issue that’s headed straight at his family, he will ponder what electoral politics will portend for his party. He will ponder what a fallen Falwell would have said. And he will ponder how Karl Rove would play his cards. With no politics in his future and his fortune already made, he still cannot stand up for his own daughter? Your guess is as good as mine as to why. I won’t buy the book. She’ll inherit her fortune from Haliburton, not this homosexual.

In some areas of the country, take Wyoming for example, his own daughter, her partner and his grandson are walking targets. But the Vice President is on record as saying the states should decide matters relating to homosexuals. Why should we federalize a "thought crime?" He works diligently to never be heard advocating for basic civil rights for lesbians and their GLBT brothers and sisters. Yet every election cycle, Rove and the Cheneys make a grand sport of turning the country blood red with gay-baiting tactics—often with Mary’s full knowledge and—gulp—cooperation.

As for Lynne, well don’t you know she "cried with Mary" when she came out of the closet. Other parents join PFLAG, and get active working in their children’s interest. Lynne probably went to lunch with Ann Coulter and Bay Buchanan. Here’s to the ladies who bash. Yes indeed, given their deafening silence in the face of sometimes deadly discrimination, it would appear from the sidelines that when it comes to in-laws, Heather has two homophobes.

It begs the question whether Dick and Lynne’s grandson will be gay. If from Lynne’s loins a lesbian like Mary can leap, I think it’s safe to say the nature/nurture debate is over. But you can still try to make sure the little tyke (tyke with a t) throws like a boy and shoots straight. One can only envision his first hunting trip with granddad—or his first present from his loving Uncle Karl—a map of the U.S. and a box of crayons—20 red ones and a sharpener.

No sooner had the Cheney’s gotten used to the fact that their son-in-law was a girl—now, 15 years later, there’s a grandson to worry about. So, could a Spencer Tracy-style conversion a la Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner actually happen? Would he choke up and say to the couple that if they felt half of what he felt for Lynne…you know the drill. I’m afraid Dick’s no Tracy—and its not likely Lynne would lighten up like Kate Hepburn. Had they starred in the original movie, Sidney Poitier would probably have been sent to Paris solo.

But in the spirit of Tinky Winky eulogizing Jerry Falwell, I have faith. I have faith that a man who’ll post the photo of the proud grandparents with Samuel on his official VP of the U.S. website will flip the calendar to Father’s Day and something will hit him (besides the fact that the only WMD he’s ever going to find is a Woman to Marry his Daughter). The Father’s Day epiphany will be that while Judy Shepard will never know if Matthew and a partner of 15 years would have decided to bring a child into their lives, he does. The little fella is on a blankie right before his eyes. We can argue marriage and employment discrimination later: this is a matter of life or death and I have faith that Dick can be converted.

I have faith that he’ll realize that while Falwell’s funeral overflowed into the basketball arena and the football stadium, what we ought to do is bury the baseball bats—those blood-stained reminders of how inhumane we’ve been treated by "Christian conservatives." He wants a better life for Samuel.

Given the magic of CAMP Rehoboth, we could always invite the whole group down and when they see how gay people and straight people LOVE EACH OTHER, they’ll all return singing show tunes and TIVO-ing Ugly Betty. Imagine it—all the Cheney’s friends—Karl Rove, Rush Limbaugh, Mary Matalin, Ann Coulter, Bay Buchanan, Laura Ingraham, Bill O’Reilly coming to Lower Slower Delaware in a minivan and hanging out at the Blue Moon and then on the new streetscape. Can’t wait for bumper cars. And boy do I have a role for each of them when we get to whack-a-mole!

Otherwise, to continually return to the Cheney’s homo house of horrors, Heather Poe surely is a descendent of Edgar Alan. And for the world that the Cheneys and Poes will, by neglect build for their own generations to come, there’s only one nickname for the little fella: Po’.

Po’ Poe-Cheney.

Poor, poor Matthew. And poor, poor us.