VIEWPoint

It used to be that retirement meant finding a quiet, small town, subdivision home in the suburbs or renting in the big city to retain connections to culture and friends.

However, for many mid-life gays and lesbians who still want to enjoy a busy and active life, the smoke and thumping music-filled bars, and crowded cities hold little appeal. Life in the suburbs, requiring 45-minute drives to visit friends or participate in activities and culture is equally unsatisfying. And most importantly, retirement in peace and quiet should still allow for new adventures pursued with renewed energy. For many local couples, the Rehoboth area is the perfect solution.

Delaware, and in particular Rehoboth Beach, has increasingly become a beacon for retired gay couples as well as those nearing retirement. Back in 1990, the once-a-decade Census reported 212 gay households in Delaware. In the 2000 Census, that figure skyrocketed to 1,868 with the female/male ratio almost equal (979 male, 889 female.)

Partners Tom Negran and Wayne Juneau are but one of many retired gay couples who now reside in Rehoboth Beach. Tom and Wayne gradually fell in love with the resort town during summer vacations. The couple, who have been together for almost 26 years, purchased a Rehoboth townhouse in 1993 to escape from their home in busy New Jersey for summer vacations.

“The more familiar we became with the area, the more we began to say to ourselves, ‘We could get used to this town,’” said Wayne. “Rehoboth was very, very different than New Jersey, there were no bars on storefront windows and stores accepted checks without asking you to give blood!”

Tom, who retired from AT&T after 30 years, echoes that sentiment. “We always looked forward to coming down for vacation,” said Tom. “The beach and town had a way of rejuvenating and recharging your battery.”

In 1999, the couple left New Jersey to become full-time residents here. They eventually sold the townhouse and purchased a home off Old Landing Rd., which is shared with two cats, Disco and Fetish. “As a kitten, Fetish would always carry objects in his mouth and Disco had a habit of jumping onto counters, prompting us to continually say, ‘Get down,’ explained Wayne.

Although technically retired, the couple operate a part-time Web-based business but spend most of their time volunteering for local non-profit organizations, including CAMP Rehoboth. They agree that being a part of the gay community played a big role in their decision to move to Rehoboth Beach. “Being able to give back to the community is what it’s all about,” Tom said.

One organization, the Sussex County AIDS Committee, holds a special place in their lives. In 1984, Tom’s youngest brother, Bob, was diagnosed with HIV and came to live with the couple. Wayne quit work to take care of Tom’s brother, who eventually passed away in 1987. “Working with SCAC is a natural extension of our lives,” Wayne said. “It’s important to reach out to the community that has given us so much.” Both see Rehoboth as a place to celebrate diversity, yet come together as a community.

“The separatist movement does not exist here,” said Wayne. “We have many lesbian friends and enjoy their company tremendously. That ‘guys only’ or ‘girls only’ big city mentality doesn’t apply in Rehoboth.”

For the past two years, Jane Blue and Louisa Watrel have been settling into their new home off Old Landing Rd. The couple, yet another New Jersey transplant, are unique because unlike others who retire in Rehoboth, they did not vacation here in the “Nations Summer Capitol.”

Jane, who retired after many years as an operations manager with Bristol-Myers Squibb, said it was actually friends who suggested the couple consider Rehoboth Beach. “I’ve always loved the beach but realized it was out of the question in New Jersey, where everything was way too expensive,” Jane said. “We had friends who had retired in Rehoboth and were extremely happy, so we decided to visit.”

Louisa, an avid cook who relishes the availability of fresh seafood, recalls one of the first memories of the area. “We went to the grocery store and it was amazing, we were greeted with smiles, countless hellos and genuine friendliness.” But it was the sense of community that sealed their decision.

“One thing we definitely did not want was to retire in front of a TV,” Louisa indicated. “We love all the area activities, social dinners with friends and simply supporting one another.”

Jane agreed. “For most of my career, I’ve felt like I had to hide my lifestyle in New Jersey but not here,” she said. “To be able to live in this open atmosphere is incredible.”

The duo, along with four cats, Beamer, Indy, Tanquer and Woody, enjoy the peacefulness surrounding their wooded lot, with the beach a short drive away. During the two years the couple have lived in Rehoboth, both have noticed an influx of gay couples moving to the area. “It seems the couples are getting younger and younger,” Louisa said. “I think they’re looking for a little peace and quiet, a place where they can be themselves.”

Jane offers a bit of advice to those contemplating a move. “Some people come here wanting the place to adjust to them but it’s they who must adjust,” she said. “This is just a different way of living.”

And it does take some adjusting, especially during the summer months, according to Lee Mills who along with partner Don Gardiner made the move a few years ago. “For me, one of the biggest adjustments was finishing my grocery shopping before the weekend crowd came to town,” joked Lee, who works for the Rehoboth Art League.

The greater portion of the couples’ 30-year relationship was spent in Maryland, with summer visits to Rehoboth. A vacation townhouse was purchased in 1999 with a “five year plan in mind,” according to Lee. But when a position became available with the Art League, that plan changed. Now they’ve moved to a larger home off Route One at The Woods at Seaside subdivision.

Don, who retired from the banking industry several years ago, said the move to Rehoboth has allowed him to be himself 24/7. “Working in the banking industry, I pretty much had to be closeted,” he said. “But here, it’s like finally being free.”

Both agree that the beach resort town differs from other coastal areas. “It feels so comfortable, yet maintains a level of sophistication, with great restaurants and interesting shops,” Lee said.

“When we attend parties or events, usually something is said that includes you as part of the community,” added Don. “It really does make you tear up.” The sense of inclusion stretches beyond the gay community. “The straight people in this town are wonderful,” Don said. “They support gay causes and really enjoy themselves at functions.”

For Lee, this translates into the true American dream. “Rehoboth Beach is certainly the all-American town we learned about as kids growing up-now, it’s become a reality.”

Realtor Allen Jarmon has seen first hand the surge of gay couples relocating to Rehoboth. “Will I be comfortable in this development?” is most often the first question a gay couple asks, said Allen, who has been an agent with Crowley Associates for 13 years. “I assure them that this is one of the few places in the world where sexual orientation is not an issue,” Allen said.

In fact, the realtor often shares a rather amusing story with prospective buyers. After I sold a home to a gay couple, a straight neighbor rushed over all excited, exclaiming, “We’re so glad you guys bought this house, we thought someone else might get it,” Allen chuckled.

He goes on to explain that even as early as the 1950s, Rehoboth contained a sizeable gay community and it has steadily grown each passing year. Purchasing a summer home for vacationing, then using it later for retirement remains a popular trend in the gay community, Allen said.

Regardless of whether they fell in love with the town through vacations, friends, or a new career, one thing all the couples interviewed agreed on. Rehoboth Beach is home.