Then some news coverage of a recent rally got me interested in learning more about the Delaware Family Foundation. I went to their website, where I learned that "homosexuality is more deadly than smoking, alcoholism, or drug addiction." Yipes.

Can I tell you how glad I am not to have blown fifty clams on Nicorette only to learn that this lesbian thing’ll just get me in the end?

The DFF has been talking up a storm lately—mainly in regard to the seemingly-unrelated HB99—about the need to protect "traditional" marriage and families. Like many of you, as I think of every family I’ve ever known, seen, or read about, the term leaves me flummoxed. Just who are these allegedly "traditional" folk? Is a production company of Fiddler on the Roof involved? If so, do they need a good drag Tevye?

Now it dawns on me—they must be who the Rehoboth Beach Hooters was built for! I’d always wondered.

I can sacrifice the word "traditional" to these people. They can steep in it like tea. But I’ll be damned if I let them hijack the word "family." Call me a pervert, call me a dyke, but don’t you dare suggest that I’m anti-family and bad for your kids. As a children’s librarian, I’m so child-focused that when I dig in my pocket for Wawa change, like as not I come up dimeless but with a few Band-Aids and spare googly eyes. When I get a faraway, dreamy look in bed, my partner has learned that asking will only deflate her—I’m either reviewing chords to Raffi or puzzling over the most effective way to read How to Speak Moo.

I know that, in the queer community, I’m far from alone in this. Caring immensely about the lives of and volunteering to read to, mentor, or coach children, that is. I may be alone in thinking of Raffi in bed—though he does have certain undeniable bear-like qualities.

I’ll venture that no one works harder to form loving, lasting families in the face of adversity than we do. And, as far too many court cases have shown, no one’s families need more "protecting" than ours.

So I’ve written the DFF to suggest they change their name to the Delaware Anti-homo Foundation—or, for the acronym, the Delaware Anti-homo Foundation Thingy (DAFT). I think they might go for it. How could they pass up such plum opportunities as 1) getting to snicker "homo" every time they answer their phones, and 2) forever disassociating themselves from Sister Sledge? Perhaps even "Focus on the Family" will jump on board, switching to "Focus on the Homos"—a more apt description of what they do, anyway.

As for my smoking? I guess I’ll still quit. It’s possible the DAFT site doesn’t have its facts straight.

And it won’t do to ruin story hour by starting to hack mid-moo.