"Money" says Dolly Levi, "is like manure. You have to spread it around encouraging young things to grow."

Yes, money helps things grow, and winning a Tony keeps your show open, though if your show is covered with manure it stands less chance of winning those coveted little statues.

Broadway has a minimum of four major shows closing in 30 days. Three of them are closing because they didn’t win one of those Antoinette Perry Awards. The theory is that no matter how small your audience has become, a Tony will restore your appeal. Shows always try to stay open long enough to get nominated, but if they’re not nominated they may not wait to close. If they are nominated but don’t win, then there’s little chance business will improve.

The Pirate Queen (from the authors of Les Miserables and Miss Saigon) recently closed after its justifiably brief run, losing its entire $20,000,000 investment. It has now become title-holder to the rather dubious distinction of being the most expensive flop in theatrical history.

The Pirate Queen had a big cast, big costumes, big sets, the biggest Queen of them all (Elizabeth I, though I know many of you had other candidates in mind) and threw Riverdance into the big Irish stew just for the hell of it.

The cast’s nickname for the show was rumored to be More Miserables. I’d like the chance to lose $20,000,000 in one month. Let’s face it, that’s a lot of______… See opening quote, fill in the blank.

The revival of Company closed at the beginning of July after not winning the Best Actor Tony for the dashing Raul Esparza. Beauty and the Beast closes at the end of July after a run of nearly 8 years, and with profits of behemoth proportions. It’s leaving only to make way for another cartoon on stage—The Little Mermaid. Seating for this production may be listed as "Splash Zone" or the "Under the Sea-Section"… I’m still waiting for Tron.

The biggest disappointment is the closing of Grey Gardens, based on the film

documentary rumored to be a gay cult-classic, though I’d never heard of it before the show opened. I must hang out with the wrong crowd.

I saw Grey Gardens and Spring Awakening (which had the good fortune to take home the majority of those profit-making golden statues) shortly after they opened, found them to be two vastly different shows, and loved them both. Grey Gardens was based on the aforementioned documentary about distant-enough relatives of Jackie Bouvier Kennedy Onassis who lose their fortunes, think cat food is paté and make corn-on-the-cob in bed for their mentally-deficient handyman.

Regardless of that all-too-brief description, it was brilliant.

Spring Awakening, based on an 1891 German play about sexual coming-of-age, breaks taboo by singing of teenage angst, masturbation and premarital sex. Okay, Hair did that 40 years ago, but it didn’t have a plot, Duncan Sheik music or Bill T. Jones choreography.

Okay, that catches us all up on the goings-on of theatre outside Sussex County. Let’s talk about the local scene.

Our first event is really more about film, but it at least takes place in a theatre. Does that count? The Best In Summer Shorts Premiere Party is Saturday, July 14th at 7 p.m. at the Milton Theatre in Downtown Milton. The entry fee is $10 for the general public and $8 for seniors and children under 16. Dogfish Brewery will be featuring their Milton-brewed beverages and other refreshments will be available.

The audience is encouraged to wear their funniest or favorite shorts, and view the first-ever Milton Video Short Competition. I understand that the entries range from fall-on-the-floor funny to simply terrific and capture life in all its varieties on Delmarva. There will be an Audience Favorite chosen and a cash prize. Reservations, while not necessary, are suggested. Please call the Milton Theatre at 684-3400. For more information, log on to www.miltontheatre.org.

Next up: Thoroughly Modern Millie, brought to you by Clear Space Productions. The show features Britt Shubow (star of Broadway’s Mamma Mia) as Millie and combines out-of-town professional talent with the best of the local theatre crowd. It also has the prettiest chorus boys/girls you’ve seen in a while! Millie runs July 19-22 at 7 p.m. (with a 2 p.m. matinee on July 22) at the Little Theatre of Cape Henlopen High School. The show then heads north to the Schwartz Center in Dover for an additional two performances on July 26-27. For reservations call 302-644-3810. For information, visit ClearSpaceProductions.org.

For the young and the young-at-heart set, the Rehoboth Summer Children’s Theatre offers shows for all ages at three locations— Holiday Inn Express in Bethany Beach, Cape Henlopen High in Lewes, and Epworth Methodist Church on Baltimore Ave. Talk about a touring theatre! This summer the tiny troupe is presenting Androcles and the Lion, Robin Hood, Aladdin, and The Wizard of Oz in rep. I caught Robin Hood the other day and have to admit that Ryan McVeigh gives Errol Flynn a run for his money in the good-looks department. The cast is always comprised of just two actors playing all the roles and the shows are designed for the whole family. For information call 302-227-6766 or www.rehobothchildrenstheatre.org

The Possum Juniors division of the Possum Point Players of Georgetown will present The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (which sounds like someone put the above-mentioned summer stock in a blender) July 25-28 at 7 p.m. and 2 p.m. on July 29. The show features a group of talented local youngsters and is directed by Lucas Killion, a senior at Sussex Central High. For reservations call 302-856-4560.

On the visual arts side of things…Gallery 50 (50 Wilmington Ave) continues the show, "Paper and Steel" featuring the works of two Pittsburgh artists—Duane Rieder, a photographer, and Rick Bach, who paints on steel and makes steel sculpture. "Paper and Steel" runs through Aug. 10th. Hours are 2-0 p.m. Mon-Sat and 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Sundays. 302-227-2050 or www.50contemporaryart.com.

Detail Gallery (117 Church Street) has an exciting event on Bastille Day (which for the Francophobes in the crowd is July 14th) in conjunction with the launch of the CAMPsafe 2007 program complete with a BBQ at the gallery from 4-8 p.m.—a one-day-only showing of the provocative and erotic art of Philadelphia artist Jim Bloom. His work is best described as "powerful and raw." View it for yourself at www.jgbloom.com. Call Mike at 302-227-8170 or get "details" online at www.shopdetail.com

Ward Ellinger, a local Rehoboth Beach artist, brings a dramatic and colorful body of abstract expressionism to the Peninsula Gallery (520 E. Savannah Rd in Lewes) through August 1. The whole exhibit may be previewed on the gallery website at www.peninsula-gallery.com. Ellinger is a native of the Shenandoah Valley, began painting at age 7, and has remarkable blue eyes, a fact that does not appear on his resume.

The Philip Morton Gallery (47 Baltimore Ave) continues to feature the work of Dane Tilghman, an artist who has established himself as one of the premier painters of African American Golf Art and Negro League Baseball images. His work ranges from realism to a stylish combination all his own of surrealism and primitive elongation. Visit www.philipmortongallery.com

Now, go spread that money (or manure) around and encourage things to grow!