BOOKED Solid

With the national attention given the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision on sodomy, as well as the recent passage of HB 99 by Delaware’s House of Representatives, the timing of the release of Clunis and Green’s latest edition of Lesbian Parenting couldn’t be better for Rehoboth’s lesbian guests. Also the authors of Lesbian Couples (2000), the two women have brought their conversational style of writing to a topic gaining momentum in the GLBT community at large: babies. A quick search on the internet locates thousands of sites dedicated to the GLBT quest for a family. The idea behind the book is twofold—to help women sort through potential resources and ask the questions necessary before beginning a family, and also to provide basic parenting advice (with a lesbian twist) throughout the major stages of development.

On a personal note, I picked up this book to learn more about the subject for myself, and I admit I began reading it with certain expectations. I was looking for a good introduction into the logistics of various options available to women. It seems many of the books available for GLBT families segregate the sexes because the options for men usually focus more on surrogacy and adoption (actually my focus) than insemination. While the book provided a list of resources, the information within these first few chapters was fairly general. I had hoped for a more specific discussion of legal issues surrounding adoption or even second-parent adoption if one woman carries the baby. While Rosie O’Donnell’s crusade in Florida was major news, cases in my home state, Pennsylvania, as well as Delaware and Maryland, were not. I did not expect a state-by-state summary, but a list of the most GLBT-family friendly states would have been nice, or even a little bit of information about important cases in states that do recognize same-sex couples as co-parents. I think the authors’ desire to be as current and accurate as possible (books are always limited by the publication process) was a disservice to the amount of information available. However, the book did provide a general portrait of the many ways lesbians become parents. There are simply too many issues surrounding GLBT families to address in one book (darn lesbians and their issues!). For example, for some reason I expected this recent edition to focus more on lesbians beginning families together by choice, and less on women who come out after having children with a man, but the authors included these types of families, sperm donors (known and unknown), adoption, and other parenting arrangements.

To supplement the information presented in the book, I began a multi-media search for GLBT families. As I stated earlier, there are so many internet resources that it can be difficult to find exactly what you are looking for. The most accurate and current site for answers to legal questions that I found is managed by the Human Rights Campaign Foundation, Family Net (http://www.hrc.org/familynet/). The site is simple to navigate and well-organized, and the content available was extremely comprehensive. It features a summary of relevant laws and precedents in adoption, surrogacy, custody, foster-parenting for each state, complete with dates and citations for further exploration. I discovered that Pennsylvania’s Supreme Court decided less than a year ago that same-sex couples could adopt together, eliminating the need for second-parent adoptions for new families. In Delaware, the courts have been more vague, not addressing the issue of couple adoptions but fairly positive about second-parent adoptions and custody disputes.

The second half of Lesbian Parenting is dedicated to examining various parenting issues during the basic developmental stages of the child. From breast-feeding to dating, the authors use short vignettes to illustrate possible experiences. I liked the use of personal stories, however, some of the women in them seemed a little naive when confronted with routine questions that outed them as a gay family. I assumed most people would consider possible answers during the process of becoming a family. It is difficult to be closeted when your three-year-old calls both of you mommy in the grocery store. The authors deal with parenting questions that are not lesbian-specific, too. Probably the best part about the book if lesbians are looking for a general Dr. Spock-ish guide is that this one includes examples and language inclusive of same-sex households, including shared custody with gay men as dads or uncles.

As a whole, Lesbian Parenting is a good introduction to what it would be like to begin a family or merge with an existing family as a lesbian. It also provides resources in its index. Although it left me needing more information, it did offer the official terms with which to search. Between the book and the additional resources I list, lesbians and gay men will find a place to begin examining the baby experience.

Additional Resources:

And Baby magazine: A terrific look at GLBT families of all kinds, filled with articles about parenting in general and GLBT family-specific information. Subscribe or view online at http://www.andbabymag.com

The Velveteen Father (2000) by Jesse Green or The Kid (2000) by Dan Savage: Both books are true accounts of gay fatherhood and all its highs and lows.

Family Pride Coalition: This group not only has a good website, http://www.familypride.org/, but they are hosting their second annual Boogie at the Beach event in Rehoboth Beach on Labor Day Weekend. See their website for the scheduled events and registration.