CAMP Safe:  

Use Your Imagination

Hey guys, it has been an exciting summer so far this year. It seemed at first that we were going to have a very slow summer but that has all changed. The beach is overflowing with handsome men and folks are dancing the night away all over town. We are handing out more condom packs and dispensing more information than we have in the past few summers. This makes me feel great. Thanks for being safe and thanks for being sexy…it makes my job a whole lot more interesting and exciting. I have been here for three years and you would think that by now, I would find the job tedious. Not! You are all keeping it fun and exciting. Keep up the good work!

This brings me to the topic this week. How do you keep it exciting after a few dates or a few years? Lots of guys ask this question. Seems like all of us know how to keep just about anything fresh except for our sex lives. Forget about the Tupperware, use your imagination!

Yep, your imagination holds the key to keeping your sex life fresh. There are many things you can do. You can try a new man. You can do it in the kitchen. You can buy some new toys. We all know these answers and we all know that we can get pretty creative using them. They all work and they all get old. I would like to make a suggestion that you may find surprising, but humor me. I think you will see just how helpful it can be in putting some spice in your life and keeping it there.

Sex is the gathering point for all of our primal emotions—physical, spiritual, emotional and psychological. We tend to forget this and focus in on one thing; orgasm. Most of our sex lives are orgasm centered. That’s right, it all centers around having a good time and finishing off the party with an orgasm. Try forgetting them for a little. Enjoy your partner or boyfriend and skip the orgasm! Ok, I can hear the gasps already. Has the condom fairy lost his mind? Nope.

Now this is something you are going to enjoy and this is what I like to discuss. Talk to your partner and let them know what your plan is. You are going to go out for a nice walk or a movie. When you get home, try taking a bath or a shower together. Soap each other up carefully and sensually. Kiss his shoulder. Shampoo his hair in such a way that he knows you are enjoying doing it. Rinse off and head to the bed. It’s okay to get aroused or excited but make the object of this encounter to explore your partner’s body not get him off. You may enjoy using some of your favorite lube as massage oil. Light some candles and put on some nice soothing music.

Begin massaging your partners back. Put a few drops of lube on his back or you can use some cornstarch if you want something that is easier to wash away. Rub his back feeling the uniqueness of his muscles and bones under your hands. Concentrate on how he makes you feel. Look for special things about him like the way his hair swirls on his sides or grows between his shoulders. Continue down his back using your hands as a tool to both sense his body and give him pleasure. He will need to concentrate on what you are doing and the pleasure it brings and he will need to relax and trust. Continue down his body exploring the special things about it and make him feel good. He can give you feedback on what works and what doesn’t. Then roll him over and do the other side. Explore, enjoy and trust. Play carefully with his body with the intention of bringing wonderful sensations while you look and enjoy his skin, his muscles, the way the hair grows, the shape of his toes, etc. It can be so much fun and it can give you the ammunition to enrich your lives together when you are doing something as simple as walking down the street. Once again, change your prospective.

Change it from getting off to getting into it! I have actually read an amazing amount of literature that gives this as a very wonderful way to wake things up and keep them fresh. Of course, this is drastically simplified here but if you want to know more about it, give me a call and I can suggest ways to learn about this and other methods to invigorate your time and space together. So before you decide that the condom fairy has developed an acute reaction to latex, give it a try. Give it a try several times and you will find that just like learning to make a condom part of what you do, this gets better with practice too. Safe can be oh so sexy!

Suggested readings on a better sex life:
How to Have Magnificent Sex by Lana L. Holstein, M.D.
Tantra for Gay Men by Bruce Anderson.