The other day, I was sick and stayed home from work. By 4 p.m., I was bored to tears and tired of sleeping and blowing my nose, so I decided to flip through the television channels. I landed on Oprah. Or, should I say, Oprah landed on me. If you are an Oprah fan, please skip ahead a couple of paragraphs. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I cannot stand Oprah. Why my favorite diva Tina Turner is such good friends with her, I’ll never understand. It must be the expensive birthday gifts. I find Oprah to be frequently arrogant, endlessly irritating, and frankly, not that bright. Yesterday, a Midwestern couple was featured on Oprah. They talked about how they hired a female stripper for their son’s sixteenth birthday party. The stripper got completely naked and danced for teenage boys. She even fondled her genitals in front of them. The incident was reported to police after the boy’s mother tried to have party pictures developed at a local drugstore. The parents were arrested and almost lost their children over the incident.

The mother reported that her only regret was being caught. She theorized that her son is exposed to such graphic sexuality anyway, through the media and our culture. Why not expose him to it at home in a safe environment? Aside from the mother’s shoddy logic, the reaction of Oprah and the show’s resident therapist blew me away. Oprah and the therapist declared that we are all "victims" of a society obsessed with sexuality and the sexual exploitation of women. For this reason, Oprah refused to "judge" her guests. As far as I am concerned, the therapist should have walked up on stage and knocked the parents’ heads together, then pulled off Oprah’s Prada shoes and beat her over the head with them. Instead, the therapist coddled the parents and, at worst, treated them with kid gloves. When Oprah and the therapist agreed that we are all victims in America, the audience applauded feverishly.

Where were the brains of these parents when they decided to expose teenage boys to such literally in-their-face sexuality? Where was the brain of a stripper who would remove her clothes, gyrate, and fondle her genitals right in front of teenage boys? Where were the brains of Oprah and her therapist, for not blatantly condemning such a parenting failure? Did the parents or the stripper stop to consider the message being received by the teenage boys, that women are sexual objects and should be treated as such? The parents had the nerve to complain that media scrutiny regarding the incident is now "tearing their family apart." What better way to squelch media scrutiny than by accepting a guest spot on one of the most popular television shows of all time. Everyone involved in this disgusting debacle made conscious decisions that harmed the boys and the family, and guaranteed that they will not be able to put this incident behind them for a very long time.

I am so tired of living in a culture of victimization. We are all victims of self-declared victimization. I guess that makes us victims twice-over. In many cases, we are much more victims of our own poor decisions and personal weaknesses than any social pressure or cultural adversity. The big problem with labeling yourself a victim at every turn is that it leads to inaction in your own life. Over two years ago, when I admitted to myself that I am an alcoholic and had to stop drinking, I could have considered myself a victim of a society that focuses its social interactions around alcohol but doesn’t want to talk about how many Americans are addicted to it. Had I done so, I probably never would have stopped drinking. As a smoker, I could blame tobacco companies and marketing maneuvers, but no one but me decided to take my first puff, and no one but me will make myself stop. I knew smoking was bad for me from the get-go, but I started smoking anyway. I chose to start and I must choose to stop. Pointing fingers directs blame and action outward and prevents us from taking a long, hard look at ourselves, our decisions, and our motivations.

Let’s all get off the victim train. The tracks are endless and lead nowhere slowly. Eleanor Roosevelt once remarked, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Similarly, no one can make you feel like a victim without your consent. This sentiment is a tough pill to swallow and a bit idealistic, but holds much more truth than not. Even when we are truly victims—such as victims of violent crime or discrimination—we can only ride the victim train so far before we realize that we cannot control the actions of others or a society surrounding us. We cannot always control what is done to us. We can only control how we react to what is done to us, and in that reaction lies power. When I look in the mirror, I don’t see a victim of depression and anxiety, alcoholism, or anti-gay discrimination. I see a person who will always face challenges. I see a person who relishes the lessons to be learned in each challenge. I see a person who refuses to label himself a victim, who will take responsibility for his own decisions, who will try his hardest to act and react in a way that is best for himself and those around him.