CAMPOut: Fay's Rehoboth Journal

Just in case Letters from CAMP Rehoboth was thinking of conducting a readership survey, I’m here to say they shouldn’t bother. Letters has a huge readership. I know this because following my column about my getting my ankle tattooed, I had hundreds of people, many of them complete strangers, come up to me, asking me to prove that I actually got the tattoo.

This resulted in my having to stand on one foot while lifting the tattood ankle high enough for people to see my seahorse body art. I fell over a lot, and when I didn’t, I looked like a urinating Schnauzer.

It was not my most graceful week, but I can certify to a vast readership.

And speaking of vast readership, the good news is that I was recently asked to pen a column for the national GLBT magazine The Advocate. This was also the bad news, since I was asked to come up with ideas for a suitable topic in three days. No pressure.

The magazine was trying out new writers for a possible rotating spot writing the back page essay. Think Andrew Sullivan, Michaelangelo Signorelli. Urvashi Vaid. Serious writers. Humbling.

While the editors had read excerpts from my book and decided they liked "my voice," they gave me the impression that my usual skewed look at life, liberty and the pursuit of Schnauzers was a little too cavalier for their gay news publication. I got the feeling they wanted something more weighty and erudite. Kinda like that play I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change.

I toyed with writing about scientist Steven Hawking’s shocking admission that he was all wrong about black holes and they don’t swallow matter into the great abyss after all, but I had no idea what the hell he was talking about.

I tinkered with the latest findings of the food police, who just announced that certain vegetables like broccoli and spinach may help older women keep their brains sharper. I began expounding on the theory but couldn’t concentrate, despite munching an emergency asparagus spear.

Taking a cue from all the writing coaches I ever had, I decided to pitch them stories about two things I am comfortable covering: the gay marriage debate and the upcoming elections. Before I could get the first sentence down on paper I got an e-mail from the editor requesting story ideas on anything but gay marriage and Kerry-Edwards. Kill me now.

Stymied, I knew my traditional methods of vetting column ideas wouldn’t work. Stories arising from everyday disasters at home ("Lawnmower falls from pick-up truck") were too mundane, ideas from weird internet stories ("1,000 Loose Chickens Create Highway Chaos." "Nude man covered with nacho cheese arrested.") were too silly, and great, big, ponderous social issues were really out of my league.

After two hours of staring at my computer screen and coming up with not so much as a paragraph I gave up. Hell, it was only a chance to write for a national publication. No big deal. Auuugggghhhh!!!!!!

I turned on the TV. There, before my eyes was a commentator discussing gay rights legislation, along with film of two menopausal middle-aged lesbians feeding each other wedding cake. "Gee," I said to Bonnie, "remember when the only pictures of gay people on TV were parading drag queens and dour dykes on bikes? Things have really changed."

Aha! A topic!

So I proceeded to write a column pointing out the incredible change in the televised image of gay people over the past decade. I had a grand time, noting that once there were only disco bunnies and bull dykes on the screen no matter what the topic.

Part of the column questioned why mainstream media didn’t go out of their way to show the diversity within the gay community. "After all, the far right has a huge investment in demonizing us and it wouldn’t have served their nefarious purpose to make movies about middle aged women purchasing antacids at K Mart or handsome young men delivering Meals on Wheels.

But CBS, CNN and the rest? Earth to the networks: Homosexuals are not homogenized. All heterosexuals are not members of Hell’s Angels or the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. All gay men don’t wear thongs or Vera Wang. All lesbians can’t dive under your hood and rebuild your carburetor. There are eight million stories in the naked city and not all of them are naked."

I went on to talk about the improving image of gays on television, saying it was about time, and being very glad for the adjustment. My entire theory was that the change was good. As a zinger at the end of the column I added a line about hoping the news outlets would still humor me once in a while with a shot of a bare-breasted parade marcher. Made my point, end of column. Finito.

I e-mailed the column to the editor, nervously awaiting a reply, my nationwide writing career hanging in the balance.

The next day I got a note from the editor. He told me it was a good start, but that he loved the last line and that I should expand on that theory. What does it mean for our community to have normalized images of gays on TV? Is this good or bad for our identities and should we be worried?

Worried? What worried me was that the editor removed a lot of what I thought to be my most quirky references, chopped the column in half, and wanted me to expound on a theory that I’d never even considered.

Okay, what does this new image of GLBT people in the news mean? Hmmmm. Is it a totally good thing? The editor got me thinking. So I gave his premise a whirl, argued both sides of the question and added back a couple of my favorite axed lines.

By the next day I heard from the editor again, with word that the column was just what they were looking for and that it will be published August 17. Go figure.

In the meantime, for the record, I think that the images of gay people on TV have improved a heck of a lot. And while there may be lots of gay people who still prefer to be seen as social renegades, I’m quite happy to see our community viewed for all its diversity, thank you.

As for diversity, I guess my writing style has been broadened by this experience. I learned I can be more flexible. Although I don’t think you’ll find me being more argumentative or weighty (unless it’s a column on the South Beach Diet) in these pages. But I hope I get another swipe at that kind of thing on a national level. If you get a chance, check out The Advocate August 17 and tell me how you think I did.

But take it from me. I really love our new TV images. It’s about time.