CAMPTalk

It’s a daring notion, but it may be time for the commissioners of Rehoboth Beach to look into the possibility of changing the city’s name. Like many of you, I am fond of the old Biblical definition of Rehoboth as a place that has "room for all." Problem is, almost all the people Rehoboth theoretically has room for can’t spell or even pronounce the word.

Regular visitors and residents get used to the odd appellation, though on more than one occasion a new business has opened with a mistaken moniker like "Rehobeth Beach Grill."

But if you live or travel outside the Mid-Atlantic states, you’ve undoubtedly heard countless folks becoming babbling fools trying to wrap their tongues around those three little syllables that identify Delaware’s premier resort community. And that’s not good for the town’s reputation or for its tourism.

Although I no longer live in Rehoboth, I continue to be a vocal proponent of its charms. But no matter how often I spell it out for people in Florida, someone will introduce me by saying, "Bill is from that popular gay beach town in New England. What’s it called again?"

"It’s not in New England," I correct, before slowly enunciating the correct pronunciation.

"Reebok, Delaware?" someone teased at a recent dinner party? "Is that why so many gay people wear those shoes?"

One of my friends now simply refers to Rehoboth as "the town that CAMP is in." Why, she asked recently, don’t they "just call it CAMPtown?" That’s not such a bad idea. Rehoboth’s blue-blood population might support the name as reflective of the city’s origin as a religious camp. Gay Rehobotheans (or, is it Rehobothites?) would have a name they could be proud of—something with a zing to it like Fire Island or P-Town.

Borrowing P-Town’s approach, an abbreviation of Rehoboth might be worthy of consideration. Who hasn’t heard the precious nickname "Rehomo Beach"? And one of my more embittered friends has dubbed the town "Rehopeless." Some people already refer to the city simply as RB. But when I used that abbreviation at the aforementioned dinner party, someone said, "Arby’s? You used to live in a roast beef sandwich joint?"

Like Rehoboth, RB may not be a name that digests easily. Maybe the new designation should honor a pioneering member of the community, such as Blue Moon founder Felton. ReJoyce Beach has a nice ring to it. Or maybe it could be named for long-time mayor Sam Cooper. Although there already are quite a few towns named Coopersville, I don’t know of a resort named Sam’s Sands.

I’m not really sure what the town’s new name should be. I’d just like to open the subject to discussion. Maybe someone will offer a prize, like a brick in the CAMPtown courtyard.

Ultimately, if a decision were made not to change the name of Rehoboth, it would probably be best to stop calling the public’s attention to the word’s historical meaning. In fact, it might make sense to pick a name even more difficult to say and spell (if that’s possible). With so much development and congestion in the area already, there’s hardly "room for all" anymore.

Pouring through several dozen of my daily spammy-mails the other day, I came across a pitch for a product that could prove very useful to beachgoers. The ad was for a spray that calms children. It’s "all-natural," of course, no biological or chemical agents, as the manufacturer assured would-be buyers. And it works to quiet loud, overactive kids simply through a scientifically formulated blend of floral fragrances.

Certainly, such a product could make dining at one of Rehoboth’s "family" restaurants much more pleasant on a summer Saturday evening. But its usefulness doesn’t stop with small fry. Most everyone should carry a vial wherever they go. What a wonderful way to get a moment’s peace from an agitated significant other, or to silence an overly amorous suitor who won’t leave you alone at the bar. Perhaps, we could market gay and lesbian variations of the product, labeling them "Down Boy" (the antidote to Viagra) and "You Go (Away) Girl."

And, when you find yourself stuck in a two-mile traffic backup between Lewes and the soon-to-be-renamed town of Rehoboth, simply spray yourself in the face. You’ll be at La-La Land before you know it.

Here’s something to make a lot of us long for summer to be over. If you’re a fan of Bette Midler (and who isn’t?), she’ll be returning from a too-long hiatus this fall with a special new album and subsequent concert tour. The album reunites Bette with her original producer (could that be 30 years ago?), Barry Manilow. And their repertoire will be the songs of the late pop-jazz singer Rosemary Clooney. If that weren’t enough, Bette will be hitting the road to support the album, and the tentative title of her concert tour is the "Kiss My Brass Tour."

Send your suggestions for Rehoboth’s new name to Bill Sievert at allforthecause@aol.com.