CAMPTalk

Lately, I’ve had a few worries that I may be watching too much reality television. I suspected as much the other evening after a long-distance conversation with my niece. My cell phone flashed that we had absorbed 68 minutes of primetime, purportedly catching up on important developments in one another’s lives. In truth, at least 60 of those precious minutes were devoted to a deep dish-cussion of who we like and dislike on For Love or Money, The Amazing Race, Big Brother, Boy Meets Boy, Who Wants to Marry My Dad?, and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

Our conversation occasionally turned to what some might consider more important matters of reality, including the deplorable declaration against gay relationships mumbled by an out-of-touch Pope and a ridiculous revival-style proclamation that "we all are sinners" pouted by the President of the United States. "Unbelievable!" my niece and I concurred of the recent papal and presidential statements. Having to witness such drivel is like being forced to sit through a poorly plotted Arnold Schwarzenegger flick: Sometimes it’s hard to suspend your disbelief about what you’re seeing and hearing.

On the other hand, reality TV series often have a better grip on actuality than many of the reports we must suffer through on cable news. As faded celebrities from Gary Coleman to comedian Gallagher rush around trying to replace California’s governor during a quickie campaign, finalists Chip and Reichen have busted their butts to outpace their straight competition during a hard-fought worldwide trek on The Amazing Race. The "married" couple, as CBS boldly labels Chip and Reichen on the series, often seem vain and arrogant in victory, but they’re not nearly as irksome as some of the judgmental voices emanating from Washington and the Vatican.

James, the hero of Boy Meets Boy, comes across as an unassuming and affable all-American guy as he searches for a serious relationship within a group of men, several of whom are poseurs pretending to be queer for their shot at 15 minutes of fame. I wonder what the Pope thinks about this trend of pretending to want gay love. Maybe that’s just a venial sin, rather than the mortal atrocity of true love between same-sex people.

At times, the line between reality entertainment programming and TV news becomes rather blurry. Should American Idol winner Ruben Sandwich (I mean Studdard) be dethroned for accepting payments to wear a particular clothing designer’s jersey? Should runner-up Clay Aiken wear a "2QT2BStraight" T-shirt? Should the Pope be recalled and replaced by Martin Sheen, or perhaps Queer Eye costar Ted Allen, the one who knows so much about water and wine?

None of the winners of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette have gone on to marry the opposite-sex mates they’ve carefully chosen as perfect matches on television, and the heterosexual romances on such shows as For Love or Money and Joe Millionaire have been doomed both by the allure of a big cash prize and a fear of commitment. The players’ behavior makes a significant social statement about modern American life, and reality TV scores the point again and again. Although the straight contestants say they’re looking for a lasting commitment, they rarely try very hard. On Big Brother, every time a guy and gal contestant have slept together this summer, the male has voted his bedmate out of the house the following week. Or, take last winter’s series Married by America. Despite at least a half dozen proposals of marriage earnestly stated on the show, none of the couples stayed together much beyond the series’ closing credits. (It was rather like the old Henny Youngman bit, "Take my wife— please.")

Meanwhile, in off-screen reality a growing number of gay/lesbian couples are campaigning hard for the right to formalize their relationships through the institution of matrimony.

Even though we’re excluded from marriage in most venues, gay people tend to be romantics. Like the Fabulous Five, we can tear up when a new hairdo and a spruced up crib result in a girlfriend’s acceptance of a marriage proposal from a boyfriend on Queer Eye. Now if more straight folk would just give us the same respect.

One of the reasons so many gay men and lesbians are glued to the tube watching straight people struggle to forge relationships is because we genuinely believe in traditional values of true love and dedication to one another—regardless of what our pious opponents may like to say.

Send your suggestions for Rehoboth’s new name to Bill Sievert at allforthecause@aol.com.