Our first eye-opener is all about those so-called penis enlargement pills that are so heavily promoted in the newspapers, magazines, and even on the Internet. These sex pills promise a net gain of 3 inches to your member. Now, don’t be disappointed because the stuff doesn’t work. But you should be afraid that the pill you just ingested was contaminated with bacteria, yeast, mold, coliforms (intestinal tract microorganisms), E-coli, lead, cadmium, and even pesticides. Yummy. I certainly haven’t written about anything gross recently, but this one really does turn my stomach.

First off, there is no scientific evidence that any pill can enlarge the penis. Enough said. If there were, I’m sure the gay community would have been the first to buy it, because so many gay men are into "size," shall we say.

Getting back to those pills. An independent laboratory study conducted by the Wall Street Journal found that the pills could be hazardous to your health. Many buyers of these enlargement pills are U.S. citizens. The Food and Drug Administration doesn’t regulate these supplements. But Canada does, and if a company that makes these supplements wants to claim any benefits, they have to prove that the pills actually work. It makes sense to me.

We don’t always have kind words for our neighbors to the north, but they appear to be smarter and more cautious than we are. What the U.S. independent study did find was that the pills contained herbs such as gingko and ginseng. No real scientific proof that it works, but scientists said that instead of spending more time in the bedroom, you may be spending more time in the bathroom. Stay away from this nonsense.

Another "What the?" had to deal with the U.S. Food and Drug Administration and its role in dropping the warnings on food additives like the fake fat olestra in those no fat, low-fat snack products.

I always thought the FDA was looking out for our best interests, but apparently not. In the battle between public health advocates—who want the stricter warnings—and the food industry—which doesn’t—much of the research on which the FDA bases its decisions in funded by companies that sell the products in question.

I always thought that our tax dollars went into funding the FDA but that’s not the case here. When do we get to the point where we don’t have to warn people that a product might very well cause you stomach or intestinal disorders, nausea, or an allergic reaction? When do we take away the warning on the side of a pack of cigarettes? Is the tobacco industry not far behind the food industry in getting their way with the FDA? Sure seems like it. This administration is turning a blind eye to the health and safety of its citizens for the need to make more dollars than sense.

Besides Olestra (in the fat-free snacks), let me share a warning with you that the FDA doesn’t. Sorbitol and Lactitol are sugar alcohols (artificial sweeteners) that are put in sugar-free chocolates, gum, and mints. These products can cause severe stomach distress, diarrhea, and cramping. Many people are allergic to them, me being one of them. So a warning label would be beneficial to the general public, to let them know of the possible consequences of consuming these products. It makes my blood boil just thinking about it.

Did you know that the big drug companies like Pfizer, Glaxo Smith Kline, Wyeth, and Astra Zeneca have taken steps to limit the availability of drugs to Canadian exporters? That means that they don’t want Canada to sell their drugs to Americans at a cheaper price than what is charged here in the U.S. Pure bully tactics, I say.

Americans are buying $650 million of drugs from Canada annually, which is a significant chunk of change. But the drug companies don’t want you to save money by going over the border to purchase your Viagra or other prescription drugs. They want you to pay their inflated prices here. Pfizer ordered 46 Canadian pharmacies to buy directly from the drug company, instead of through wholesalers, and agree not to ship products south of the border.

Pfizer said it would cutoff supplies to any pharmacy that did not comply. And what do you call that? The pharmacies say that the drug makers’ clamp down is making it harder to obtain medicines for resale and is likely to lead to fewer bargains for Americans.

Many U.S. customers can save as much as 30-40% on average, and sometimes more, compared with buying the same drugs in the U.S. Scarcer supplies of drugs are bound to push up prices for Americans looking for a discount. The higher prices are passed along. The old squeeze play—you pay. What I find really appalling is that the big drug companies were lobbying the federal government to make it a felony to purchase drugs from outside the borders of the U.S. Talk about free enterprise and democracy—not! So, you try to save money because the drug costs here are astronomical, but you risk going to jail if you purchase drugs from Canada or Mexico. What is this country coming to? I sold my Pfizer stock!

My last "What the…" is kind of funny but really stupid. It seems in Britain that somebody got the great idea to launch a campaign by the Cadbury Candy people, that was geared toward children. Called the Cadbury Get Active campaign, it persuaded kids to chomp down 160 million chocolate bars in exchange for sports equipment. The company claimed it would help reduce obesity in kids. Get it? Eat lots of chocolate and get a free basketball. For a 10-year-old who ate enough chocolate to earn a free basketball, he would have to play 90 hours of the game just to burn off the calories he consumed. Maybe McDonald’s could offer free cholesterol tests for kids when they redeem 25 proofs-of-purchase on the mega-size fries.

See you at the beach.