"Bush’s Brain" is going. Actually, it’s Karl Rove that’s going —there’s still 520 long agonizing days of Bush before the end of an error. If Microsoft had "reality check" instead of spell check, those two words—"Bush" and "Brain"—could never appear in the same phrase. But the leader of the free world, who has trouble comprehending My Pet Goat, long ago outsourced his grey matter.

Yes, it’s grey matter that can concoct elixirs that turn states blood red. Scared? You’re not going to believe who helps Bush with the noxious witches brew. It’s our own Mary Cheney, the nation’s "second daughter" and self-appointed second class citizen.

Mary has lip-synched from Rove’s hymnal of homophobic hype long enough to give her gay family the agonizing and stark sensation of a 96-month dental appointment. Now it’s one thing for the dentist to inflict agony. But must we endure this sadistic drilling from our supposed sistah? Well, she is, after all the daughter of the scion of Haliburton. Drilling makes papa proud. Painful drilling on her "own kind?" Priceless.

Some may say I unfairly judge Mary. They speculate there were hateful tactics she has

tried to thwart from the inside. Well, even if she didn’t lip-synch per se, at best she was either muted or did the muting herself. So to those who think it’s a rough sentence to hand down, I have one word: Ohio.

The front page of today’s Washington Post has a map that lays out precisely how Rove, the venomous but—until 2006— victorious Voldemort, played chess with the swing districts. He had his own brilliant plan to use the government of the U.S.— including the cabinet members—to announce federal grants in the precise swing congressional districts where votes were needed. What it doesn’t show is how his pink overlay of a gauzy gay-baiting marriage amendment could incite the inaccurately termed "values voter"—and get out the vote quicker than you or I can literally say "I do."

It’s ugly. It’s diabolical. It’s sickening. Rove made the tactical decision early on to bolster the base and screw the swing voters. The base is bible-bigots—pure and simple. And nothing gets them going quicker than "Adam and Steve" or "Josephine and Mary."

So where was the backstop? Who was going to say "Have you no sense of decency sir?"to this vile stuff? Do you think Mary might have slapped her hand down on the hymnal and said "You’re looking at one, pal!" Or better yet, what proud father, who happens to be the most influential VP in history, might happen upon a sleazy stigmatizing strategy session and say "You know Karl, you’re hitting awfully close to homo home here. My daughter in the comfortable shoes is uncomfortable when she sees you with a baseball bat." Oh, Dick, you don’t know dick.

My fiends from Ohio tried to warn me. Rove stole 2000 with the help of Jeb and a jezebel named Katherine Harris. He was going to "hold Florida" and bag the Buckeye state if it was the last thing he did. The nastiness and the gay bashing grew quicker than you could say Goodbye Columbus. And in hindsight, we should have created a more focused, gutsy, targeted movement in 2004. I fantasize enormous crowds—joined by Democratic Senator John Glenn—singing a new version of the immortal lyrics that defined that awful

turbulent Nixonian tragedy at Kent State:

Sin soldiers and Karl Rove’s comin’

Mary Cheney turned on her own

This Tuesday I hear the drummin’

Gay dread in Ohio

Now we can simply hate Ohio’s fate. It brought us term two. With a whopping 51% of the popular vote, Boy Blunder claimed a mandate. (So did Mark Foley, but that’s another column) While we were still waiting on compassion, instead we were treated to the Presidential backing of the constitutional amendment to define marriage as one man, one woman. Forget that 540 members of congress have approximately 750 "legal" spouses and ex spouses. W can’t do the math. Bush has no brain. And his Rovian brain has a Ph.D. in Evil Electoral Math.

I do have faith that in 2009 we will slowly begin to repair the massive damage done by these clowns. If we gain marriage rights, will Mary, Heather and the little tyke line up for the first license? I will personally yank them out of line. Not one single grain of rice should be thrown in their direction. When Employment Non Discrimination finally passes, will she march into her father and say "nanny nanny boo boo—you can’t fire me now?" Or the best fantasy of all—when the ban on gays in the military is lifted, will Mary enlist and arrive in Baghdad to vanquish the war her father lied us into? Will Heather and their son live in military housing with full benefits? Will His High Homophobe, General Peter Pace invite them for dinner? Tune in for the next Democratic administration.

I wonder if Karl gave Jenna Bush a great big hug when she announced she was going to get legally married. Will he give the blushing bride a present? He is already preparing to put lipstick on her father’s legacy. That’s lipstick for the legacy and a black eye for the lip-synching lesbian. You might laugh if it didn’t hurt so damn much.