In a stunning announcement, New Jersey Governor James McGreevey told a press conference "I am a Gay American." Now New Jersey citizens will have a few months to see what it’s like to be governed by an openly gay man. I believe that all citizens of good conscience should step forward and say that whether Governor McGreevey is gay or straight is not important, or likely to have any effect on how he will govern. There may be other issues that will make James McGreevey unfit for office, but we should make it clear that just being gay is not one of them.

I understand that many in New Jersey may feel they elected a man based on his policies, principles and ideals as he presented them. I also understand that many may now feel those ideals may be different than what they thought they were. But it is up to people of good will, especially the gay and lesbian citizens of New Jersey, to explain to everyone why James McGreevey, or anyone else that comes out, would now be a much freer man to follow his heart and to make decisions without the constant fear of being found out.

We live in difficult times for gays and lesbians of a certain age. There may be the desire to come out, but the reality that often exists, as it does for McGreevey, is of a lifetime of hiding in the closet and having a wife and family. I feel for his family, having to go through this in such a public way. It is hard enough to deal with this in private as many families have had to over the years.

But the reality is that society has forced so many of us to spend years in the closet because we could not follow our dreams if we came out. Those of us over 40 knew we couldn’t run for elected office if we were openly gay and hope to win, and in many cases were shut out of jobs and sometimes even housing. We couldn’t serve our country and we often wouldn’t be welcomed within our own families.

A man like McGreevey was told from the time he could understand that there was only one way to grow up and that was straight. He was told by his church, his family, his community and society, that to be viewed as a successful man he had to grow up and get married, to a woman, and have children (preferably 2.3 of them). That to do anything else would leave him suspect to being different from the norm and someone to be feared and ostracized. Now they forgot to tell him that over 60 percent of marriages end in divorce and that we know that up to 10 percent of the population is gay. But society has often deemed these facts irrelevant. Divorce doesn’t end your career and gay people were kept in the closet so didn’t have to be dealt with at all.

Society is slowly changing, but slowly is the operative word. We have more and more of the young GLBT community growing up out of the closet, and groups like PFLAG trying to help them and their parents deal with their being gay and what it will mean to their future. We see more and more positive images of gay people in the community and in the media. As Congresspeople, local government officials and business leaders begin to come out, people are beginning to recognize that gay and lesbian people are just like them. Today it’s harder to find a person who doesn’t know a gay person or live near an openly gay person. They are their doctors, lawyers, teachers, bankers, florists, designers and the writers of the plays they see and the music they listen to. But with all this we still have a society that won’t accept the GLBT community as full citizens. There is still something about us that scares them. And the idea of our marriages scares them enough to try to pass a constitutional amendment against it.

I’m not sure exactly what the fear is about, except that anything different and hard to understand often creates fear. And then there is that heightened fear when someone like James McGreevey comes out that it could be anyone. He is the picture of the successful man we older men have been told to be. He has been married, actually twice, for many years, has two beautiful children, success in life and has even been elected by the public to high office. The fear has to be if a man like that could be gay, than anyone could, and that seems to be scary.

McGreevey in Office would be a symbol to so many of what we can be and out of Office is a prime example of why staying in the closet never works in the long run. One can’t hide their feelings forever or disregard the essence of who they are. Being gay is not the only thing we are, but our sexuality is a strong part of our being and can’t be hidden forever without severe repercussions to our inner beings. There are many high level government officials, past and present that are gay and still in the closet. They include US Senators, at least one former Governor I know of, Cabinet Secretaries and officials in the UN. If some of these people would find it in their hearts to come out, and speak out, they would be doing a service not only to the GLBT community but to society as a whole. It would help people to see and understand that there are people out there who they respect and trust with their lives even though they happen to be gay. I have written before that I oppose outing people, unless they are elected and then fight our community. But some of these people, past and present high level officials, support our community and have no wives, husbands or children, and I would hope that some of them would decide they owe it to those that will follow them to come out on their own.

It is so important because once they do, the gay and lesbian youth growing up today, and in the future, will find it acceptable to come out before they get married to someone of the opposite sex, or run for public office or just run away from who they are. They will be able to live their lives fully and openly, and if they choose, work in positions of authority where the public will learn to vote on or accept their work without regard to their sexual orientation.

I have hope that this will happen in my lifetime. But I know that either way I will continue to fight and to work to see that when someone like McGreevey is forced out of the closet, for whatever reason, the fact of their being gay alone will not be a reason for them to leave their jobs or lose their careers.