Over Labor Day weekend the CAMPsafe outreach team was out at the bars handing out condom and lube packets and talking to guys about our program. This is always a highlight for us because we enjoy meeting and talking to visitors in the community. However, this year there were some rather unpleasant drunks who were not so nice to me or my outreach workers. In fact, they were verbally abusive, rude, and just plain mean. I know it was the end of the summer and everyone wanted to party, drink, and have fun, but that’s no excuse. As the weekend’s outreach came to an end, I realized that many gay/bi men should ask what price this uncontrolled behavior will ultimately cost us.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a party pooper or against having a good time. I’m glad that tons of hot guys come here each summer. It makes my life and my job way more interesting. The question I have for gay men is do we need to start acting differently when it comes to recreational drugs? Is the number of increasing deaths among gay men who either drug or drink themselves to death or who catch chronic STDs an acceptable cost for our freedom to party, love, and have a good time?

At what point do we as a community take on the media for its portrayal of recreational drugs (and I count alcohol as a recreational drug) as part of being a good gay man? There are so many ads in gay magazines that glamorize guys drinking or imply that the only place they can have fun is at a bar or drug infused circuit party. These images send the message that all the places where we gather are influenced by drugs and alcohol. What message does this send to young guys just coming out—that the only places where they can socialize are gay bars?

I will tell you that I have counseled many men in the past year that caught either HIV or another Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI) because they were so high they couldn’t remember if they used a condom or not. Drinking and drugging increases your chances of catching something or transmitting something to your partner that you or they may have to live with for the rest of your life.

You can call me a party pooper, or nosy, or an old man, but don’t treat me and my staff with disrespect because we want you be safe. There are lots of people who take drugs and alcohol, and I can see that some people do so responsibly, but does that mean we shouldn’t take a good hard look at the way we have fun and what our culture teaches us we have to do to have fun? We should take a look at ourselves in the mirror and see past the steroid pumped stereotype to the human being inside?

Where are all the positive messages about being sober, drug free and sexy? Isn’t it time that as a community we embrace drug free spaces? Shouldn’t we question all weekend clubbing? When are we going to take responsibility for the number of gay men with substance misuse and alcohol issues? Don’t we care about the men that end up having unplanned, unprotected sex because they’re too out of it to say no or take the time to put on a condom? How many more of us will either die or get infected before we take control?