by Bill Sievert

The lunch crowd at Georgie’s was right to anticipate voting irregularities. Although the dangling chads of 2000 had been replaced in many counties by easy-to-use touch-screen computers, the problems were once again of legendary proportions. State and local election officials failed to inform precinct leaders that the computerized voting machines had to be turned on and software run in advance in order for them to function. Even gubernatorial candidate Janet Reno, surrounded by cameras, was at first turned away from her voting place because the machines weren’t up and running. Meanwhile, in precincts still using paper ballots, poorly perforated stubs caused counting equipment to spit them out and reject them. Days after the election, officials in Miami found stacks of more than 1,200 ballots that had not been counted.

Still stinging from criticism of his manhandling of the 2000 presidential election, the Florida governor (affectionately known to his public as Jeb Clampett) declared a state of emergency similar to the orange threat of terrorism posited the same day by his big brother (affectionately known to citizens as President Pumpkin Head). Jeb ordered the polls to stay open late statewide; unfortunately, nobody bothered to inform many of the poll workers. Others simply defied the governor’s order, locking out voters and going home at their scheduled quitting time. Apparently, they didn’t want to miss Entertainment Tonight’s interview with “professional” wrestlers Chuck and Billy about their faux “commitment” ceremony.

Some Floridians believe that Gov. Jeb purposely manufactures such election havoc for his own ends, sort of like his big brother creates confrontation with Iraq in a personal crusade to avenge their daddy’s Gulf War honor. History indicates Jeb’s critics could be onto something. Two years ago, the governor and his Secretary of State Katherine Harris (affectionately known to no one) conspired with Republican lawyers to tie up Al Gore’s effort to get a complete vote count in his stalemated election against Jeb’s bro. Then Ms. Harris, a clever lass, found a way to use her 15-minutes of infamy to her personal advantage. As the GOP-dominated state legislature redistricted the state, she searched far and wide until she came up with a predominantly Republican district in Sarasota (the very place where Pee Wee Herman was once busted for touching his pee-wee in an adult theater) that needed a new Congressman.

Despite the election snafus on this month’s primary day, Harris had no problem winning her primary race there; she had no opposition. And she should have no problem claiming the district’s U.S. House seat for herself come November. This despite the fact that she personally broke a state law this past summer by launching her campaign without first resigning her job as Secretary of State. Now, one might think that the person whose principal job responsibility is to enforce election laws would know the gist of those laws. Many legal experts argued that her offense should disqualify her from running for Congress, but Gov. Jeb said it was just a little mistake. And he forgave her, rather like Gerald Ford pardoned Nixon.

Meanwhile, Jeb was getting nervous about his bid for reelection. A popular populist lawyer named Bill McBride was coming from out of nowhere, and in the weeks immediately preceding the primary, it appeared he might upset frontrunner Janet Reno for the Democratic nomination. Jeb, who desperately wanted to run against Reno (because he considered her an easy smear target), suddenly began airing lots of nasty attack ads against McBride. But Jeb’s attacks only served to help McBride’s name recognition and grow his popularity. This upstart could be hard to stop in the general election, unless Jeb found a way to throw the Democratic Party into disarray.

So, once again, Florida experienced an election awash in confusion, with McBride less than one percentage point ahead of Reno and thousands of voters claiming that their ballots weren’t counted or that they were turned away from the polls. (As usual, more African-American and Hispanic voters were rejected than whites.) But, even though the Democrats became temporarily embroiled in a controversy as to whom their gubernatorial nominee would be, the mess Jeb helped to make may not help him this November. Reno and McBride quickly agreed to work together. And the fouled-up primary has fortified the resolve of many Floridians to get rid of a governor who has such an abysmal history of conducting elections, not to mention a lousy record on education, health care, child services, and adoptions by gay people, etc.

Some folks have called Jeb the “smarter” Bush brother. But that’s a very scary thought. Just ask Jeb a question about an issue like gay adoption, and you quickly find out how bush-league he is. When a TV reporter recently asked him why he opposed allowing gay men and women to adopt children, Jeb responded as follows (and I quote directly): “Ah, er, well, er, eh, … It’s just … It’s just not the same thing as having a man and woman for your parents.”

The governor is clearly a deep thinker. And a terrific parental role model. Just ask his daughter who spends much of her time in rehab or in court, pledging to stop using fake prescriptions to buy tranquilizers and stashing crack cocaine in her high heels.

Oh, well. Despite the messiness, the Florida primary did include a most welcome result. The people of greater Miami denied the ghost of Anita Bryant a victory, rejecting the ballot initiative to overturn Dade County’s gay-rights ordinance. And the margin of victory (53 to 47 percent) was sizeable enough that the result could not be affected by all those uncounted, lost, or destroyed ballots.

That was great news to the regulars at Georgie’s Alibi, who live in a Florida town where the majority of the city council is openly gay. Since gay men and lesbians began buying properties in Wilton Manors about a decade ago, the community’s economy has grown dramatically. The main street includes the first overtly gay strip mall I’ve ever come across. It’s a bustling place, at least double the size of Rehoboth’s Food Lion center, and almost all of the businesses are gay owned or gay oriented. Three major bars and dance clubs, several bistros, and a gym are among the major attractions, as is a large apparel shop called “Gay Mart.” Many straight families say they are thrilled that gay people have brought new life to the once declining area. As a mother of three told me during my election-week visit, “Since gay people got involved in town government, everything is better here. Our parks are better maintained, our schools are improved, our houses are worth more. And that’s not to mention the enhanced shopping and dining.”

I don’t know if Gov. Jeb (or his headstrong, warmongering brother) has ever taken the time to visit Wilton Manors, but he ought to keep an eye on what’s happening there. He just might learn something about effective and inclusive governance, including how to run an election.