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I’m Getting Ready for Santa to Visit
This time of year, I count myself
as one of the many men who have visions not just of sugar plum fairies,
but of Santa coming down the chimney. Well, you can’t blame me! What
bear cub doesn’t like furry guys who come down the chimney and deliver
presents? Maybe that’s my type, older furry guys. Whatever your type,
however, many younger men like a little maturity in their guys.
There is a growing trend among some
younger (legal aged) gay men getting together and dating men who are about
fifteen to twenty years older. I have seen the looks among friends who
notice younger guys with older men. I have also overheard the accusations
of friends who just think they are after a “Daddy” for money. They
have it wrong. There are definitely special bonds that can be created
among men who like inter-generational love.
What I am concerned about is the
level of risk among younger men and older men in sexual relationships. The
“dark” side of these relationships is that many begin to practice
unprotected sex. We all have read the reports that younger guys are not
using condoms because they may not have experienced the loss of the
friends to HIV or are willing to take the risk because they know there are
treatments available.
However, have you heard that older
men who lived through the AIDS epidemic are now taking the same risks. I
have found that many mature gay men are tired of having to be safe all the
time and believe that since they have come this far in their lives by
staying negative—they can take some chances. Combine this attitude
together with the malaise of younger men and we have a recipe for
disaster. Younger guys infecting older guys or older guys are infecting
younger guys. Two groups of men who think they are invincible to HIV but
because of different reasons.
I have heard from many older gay
men that they have nothing in common with younger gay men and don’t feel
connected. Yes, I will admit that there is ageism in our community but
what can tie us together is our practice of playing safe.
Intergenerational relationships can be very exciting and very rewarding.
They can be very satisfying and also at the same time be very confusing.
Protecting each other from HIV/STDS and playing safe in a new relationship
is something both younger and older gay men should be united on. By
protecting themselves, they will be able to grow old in a healthy manner.
So, when Santa visits me this year,
not only will he have his choice of cookies but also some other options
that will keep not only him safe but me. If you need a Santa in your life
or want someone to sit on your lap— take a chance and give it a try. Not
all of us twinkies bite (well, maybe I’m not that much of a twinkie
anymore). Just remember to play safe so both of you can have a jolly good
time.
Sal Seeley is Program Director of CAMPsafe, an HIV/AIDS program
funded through a contract with the Delaware Division of Public Health.
E-mail salvatoreseeley@aol.com.
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