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All fun all the time?
A favorite book of my youth was the
coming-out novel by the late Robert Ferro entitled The Family of Max Desir.
The scene that stands out most for me at a distance of twenty-some years
has Max and his father attempting to have a conversation over breakfast in
a pancake house at the shore. The father is portrayed as a macho
Italian-American patriarch who is having trouble accepting that his son is
gay, and the meal is cut short by harsh—and loud—words. The narrator
concludes, “The other patrons looked at us with that dark
you’ve-spoiled-our-pancakes look.” Though I can’t recall most of the
rest of the story, I do remember this incident and this line in particular
because it captures so well the way that people jealously guard their
leisure time and often don’t wish reality to intrude upon their parties,
dinners, brunches, and the like.
I was reminded of this recently
when someone told me that my column is too often a “downer” that
intrudes into his fun at the beach. He chided me that we live in a resort
community where people want to see pretty people and be seen by them,
where they want to escape homeless people, run-down real estate, and the
overall shabbiness of poverty. (I guess he never gets out to Millsboro or
Georgetown.) Unfortunately, I don’t think this is an isolated opinion. I
can gauge my column’s reception simply by the amount of eye contact I do
or do not receive from certain quarters. However, I have no apologies for
the types of issues I deal with here. This is not a gossip column but
rather my attempt to share some spiritual musings. For good or for ill,
the spiritual issues of our day that I find most important and worthy of
discussion are those which make some people (usually those of privilege)
uncomfortable.
This month we in the United States
participate in the major holy day of civil religion—Thanksgiving, when
we are supposed to thank the Divine for all that we have. This holiday
used to open the floodgates for consumers to begin looking toward
Christmas, but every year this happens earlier and earlier, with the
result that I heard Christmas carols at Wal-Mart before Halloween! At
Thanksgiving, we gather with others of like minds and similar means to
gorge on food and congratulate ourselves on all that we have. But how
often do we consider those who are less fortunate? Do we include at our
table those who look or earn or think differently than we do? If we say a
Christian blessing over the meal, do we realize that Jesus would probably
not feel welcome at our tables? If we offer a Jewish prayer over the food,
do we recall that the Hebrew prophets were more concerned with the orphan
and the widow than the well-to-do and self-satisfied? If we pause in
silent meditation, do we remember that mindfulness and interconnectedness
with all of creation are prerequisites for doing so?
People of conscience and integrity
must sooner or later face the fact that poverty is a spiritual issue. None
of the world’s religions prizes wealth as something that is deserved or
even divinely given; on the contrary, most spiritual disciplines preach
that those with wealth and material means have the responsibility to share
with those less fortunate. Likewise, politics becomes a spiritual issue
when the decisions of world leaders cause war, famine, ecological
destruction, ethnic and economic apartheid, sexual exploitation, and the
hoarding of resources. Sexuality is both a political and a spiritual
issue; what we do with each other in our most private moments is not
something confined to the bedroom, but has ramifications for the public
health, the economy, and the state. We have treated other people as
commodities for so long that our intimacy carries a price tag in many
different ways. Spirit urges us to think about how we treat one another:
Are we intimate or just sexual? Are we loving or manipulative,
hedonistically out-of-control or prudishly judgmental? Do we thank Spirit
for our ability to connect with others mentally, emotionally, and
physically, or do we insist on keeping body, mind, and spirit in separate
yet equal categories? Do we avoid discussing politics or religion at our
Thanksgiving dinner gatherings because we don’t want to go too deep or
get too involved? Have we stopped caring what others think or believe in
as long as we are all having a good time?
See you next year!
The
Rev. Dr. Tom Bohache is the pastor of the Metropolitan Community Church of
Rehoboth, which is in the process of inaugurating some “green”
programs to help the earth and its people. Check out MCCR’s website at
mccrehoboth.org.
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