A Gift
I love this time of year! The crisp cool days, colorful autumn leaves
and nights by a warm fire. These are all happy memories from years past.
Among my fondest memories are of the times spent with friends and family
over the holiday season. I often recall my mother and the many things she
did to make this special time of year magical for my brothers, sister and
me. No doubt, much of my fondness for this season is a result of all the
love and care she lavished on all of us. Despite her intense love of the
holidays, they were also somewhat bittersweet for my mother. Something
about the season would inevitably conjure memories of special friends and
loved ones who had passed on. I can recall a number of times I found her
alone by the fire softly crying. She tried to explain to me this wasn’t
a "bad" thing. These reminiscences of loved ones were an
important part of her holidays. As a child I could not quite grasp the
meaning of this. As an adult, however, I now find myself doing much the
same thing. Recently, my thoughts have been of my 95 year old grandmother.
Blessed with amazingly good health her entire life, this past couple years
of serious illness have been quite a shock for all our family. She has
always been a remarkable woman and an important influence on my life. I
have many special memories, but one will remain with me the rest of my
life. It was six years ago, on the eve of my mother’s funeral. Family
had been pouring in all day from across the country. My partner, Bob, and
I had only started dating a few months earlier. Few family members knew
for certain I was "gay." While many, no doubt had their
suspicions, at that point I had only confirmed my sexuality with my
immediate family members. Wanting Bob’s support through the difficult
time, I decided it was now or never to address the issue with the other
family members. Throughout the day, I had discussed the topic with
relatives as they arrived. It was an awkward but necessary process. While
everyone in the family seemed to accept the news without a problem, it was
my 90 year old grandmother who turned out to be the most supportive of
all. She couldn’t wait to meet Bob. She insisted he be brought to meet
her as soon as he arrived that evening. I will never forget that night.
With my parent’s house overflowing with family, my grandmother, Bob and
I were to spend the night at the nearby country club guest house—an
historic southern style mansion. Bob arrived around eight o’clock and I
quickly informed him of the day’s developments. I know he thought I was
"nuts!" Without a doubt, he had to be wondering how and why he
had gotten involved in all of this. To his credit, he hung in there with
me. First he was subjected to meeting my extended family—my dad,
brothers, sister, their spouses, children and assorted aunts and uncles.
After a rather uncomfortable hour for Bob, we headed for the guest house.
It was all very surreal entering this historic mansion full of all the
trappings of a bygone era. We proceeded to my grandmother’s room where
she greeted us at the door. There she stood, this diminutive woman, the
essence of sophistication and class beaming from ear to ear. She took each
of us by the hand and without hesitation told us how happy she was that we
had "found each other." She drew us into her room where we sat
and talked the night away. The drama of the moment and the unique setting
of the mansion made it feel like a scene from a movie. I’m not sure if
she understood how special that moment was for Bob and me. She gave us a
gift that evening that could never be surpassed…her acceptance and love.
It’s a gift we will treasure the rest of our lives.
Reflections
For more than 25 years, I have had the good fortune to work for the
Delaware Division of Parks and
Recreation. It has been my home, family and friend. It’s hard for me to
imagine the naïve college graduate who started on this quarter century
adventure. I was energetic, ambitious, and idealistic without the
slightest clue how to get started on my chosen career path. It was a call
from my mother that set the stage for that first interview that got my
foot in the door. Much to my parents’ horror, their college graduate son
was hired on as custodial foreman! They couldn’t understand what I was
doing and immediately offered to send me back to college for another
degree. I couldn’t have been happier and was off and running in my
career. Fortunately for my parents’ peace of mind, I found myself
promoted very quickly to more responsible positions—Assistant
Superintendent, Park Superintendent, and Park Operations Administrator. It
has been an amazing career! I have had the opportunity to devote my
energies to a profession that I love dearly. What an honor to be entrusted
with the care and maintenance of such a fascinating array of natural and
cultural resources! It is a very humbling experience. Along the way, I
have had the friendship and support of a special group of talented
co-workers. Early on in my career, they allowed me the space to make
mistakes—to learn and to grow. Their patience and support helped form
the person I am today. Most of all they accepted me for who I was, not for
who they might have wanted me to be. I am especially grateful to our
Director, Chazz Salkin. He has always been a friend and mentor throughout
my career. This exceptional man has provided the leadership that guides
our Division today. His standards are high and he challenges all our staff
to strive to be the best. He is passionate about our parks and is firmly
committed to ensuring they are available to all individuals regardless of
difference. His support and encouragement allowed me to take on the
special project of writing this on-going column for Letters. He understood
the value of this project for me personally, as well as the Division. He
is a true asset to this state and friend to the community.
Final Thoughts
This is my final column for Letters! As I mentioned in previous
articles, my partner, Bob, and I are relocating to our new home in
Florida. Bob has recently been hired at a nearby University and will start
in late December. My plans are somewhat up in the air. I’ll be retiring
from Delaware State Parks in early December. Once down there, I’ll start
looking for a job. I don’t like being idle. Hopefully, it won’t take
me too long to find something I’ll enjoy.
When I wrote my first article four years ago, I never dreamed it would
develop into an on-going column. Throughout my career, I never had much
confidence in my writing ability. Being the author of an on-going column
was simply inconceivable to me. I want to thank everyone in my Division
who supported and encouraged the project. In particular I want to thank
Pat Darlin, Linda VanSant, and Lori Burchett who have been my litmus test
on the quality of my articles. If I received their "thumbs up,"
I then had the confidence to submit the articles for publication. I
especially want to thank our Director Chazz Salkin. His encouragement and
editorial comments helped to make the most of what I wrote. I want to
thank the staff of Camp Rehoboth for providing me this wonderful
opportunity. It has been a richly rewarding experience for me. Finally, I
want to thank you, the readers. Your supportive emails and comments have
meant a great deal to me over the past four years. I hope the information
I provided has been useful to you all. Our State Parks are incredible
resources. I hope you take the opportunity to explore them fully. You will
not regret it! Best wishes!
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