Believe it or not, the holidays are upon us! I was just thinking the other day that the summer had been so good and it seemed so quick…then a friend dashed my few moments of sunshine with that awful question…WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS! Then I quickly realized that next week will be Thanksgiving! For me these holidays bring lots of anxiety. You see, my family is scattered all over and they don’t always get along with each other. Being the good guy that I am, I try to get along with all of them but often choosing where to go for each of the holidays means choosing sides. I hate it. I wish all the holidays were like the ones we dream of but like you, my last name isn’t Hallmark and I rarely have one of those Hallmark Holidays!

I often think the hustle and bustle that goes along with the holidays is designed not only to empty our pockets of every last cent that we have saved but also to keep us so busy that we don’t feel the emptiness that not having a Hallmark Holiday can bring. I lost my beloved grandfather a few weeks ago so I know no matter what I decide to do for the holidays or how much fun I have, there will be an empty spot in my heart because he will only be there in sprit. I will miss him.

No matter if you are gay or straight or anything in between, holidays can be hard. Not only have loved ones passed away and are no longer there but we as gay men and women are often cut off from family and friends during the holidays. Often if we are lucky enough to be in a relationship, we cannot spend the holiday together because since we aren’t married we are expected to drop everything and go to our folk’s house to celebrate. It is hard to celebrate when they all have their partners and yours is with his family.

The loneliness and the emptiness that the holidays can bring can also bring danger. Sometimes we try to make a quick fix for the problem and look for someone in unlikely places to fill our lives even if it is for a few moments. Studies show that people are more likely to practice risky sexual behaviors when feeling sad, lonely, or depressed. You see, all you want is a cuddle or a hug and it turns into something else. Don’t let it. Be prepared and do the right thing. Be safe. These times will pass. Make sure they pass without regrets.

So when you start polishing the silver, thinking of cranberries, unpacking the ornaments, spinning the dreidel, or lighting the menorah, make sure your night stand is fully stocked. Instead of looking for love in all the wrong places look for some peace within yourself. Stuff your turkey instead of cooking your goose!