LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
Booked Solid: A ReviewWhile I Was Gone, by Sue Miller. Published by Ballantine Books |
by Rebecca James |
Edgar Allen Poe called it the Imp of the Perverse: that overwhelming desire to act upon a self-destructive impulse, to move in a forward direction even as all common sense screams to stay back, to glimpse what is absolutely forbidden and suddenly have to possess it. There is a balance of conscience that normally deals with such urges, but everyone has at least one moment, person, or pleasure that may exercise complete control over their thoughts and plunge them into a state of powerlessness. It may be an aging music teacher's long-hidden desire for rock-and-roll stardom, or a small boy's unfulfilled hunger for a cherry-red bicycle. Stephen King's novel Needful Things exploited the horror of having such secret and controlling desires exposed: rational thought had nothing in the face of a signed baseball bat last seen just out of your reach in 1963. Sue Miller's While I Was Gone looks at a woman who has become trapped by the freedom of her youth, struck down in happy middle-aged passivity by her buried longings and a blast from the past. Dr. Jo Becker is a veterinarian, married and living in rural Massachusetts. Her three children are just about grown; the youngest just left for college this past fall. Empty-nest syndrome combines with the guilty pleasure of solitude. Jo begins her story by explaining her state: "I was abruptly and most intensely, sharply aware of all the aspects of life surrounding me, and yet of feeling neither part of it nor truly separated from it. Somehow impartial, unattachedan observer...We feel this way sometimes in adolescence, too, surely most of us can call it up. But then there's the burning impatience for the next thing to take shape, for whatever it is we are about to become and be to announce itself. This was different: there was, I supposed, no next thing." It is in this vulnerable state that Jo's past begins to stir her perverse inner imp. Instead of creating the next stage of joy in her life, Jo allows an old name recently resurfaced to carry her back more than 25 years to the freedom she experienced living in a group house in Boston. A terrible tragedy left the period unfinished for Jo and some of her friends and it is this lack of closure that gave the era, and the name, such a powerful hold over her. When Eli Mayhew walks back into Jo's life, he brings with him Licia Stead: Jo Becker in another life. As Licia, Jo moved freely through the summer of 1968, driven by the pleasure that complete anonymity can bring. It was then that Jo met Dana, a tall blonde with an insatiable desire for love and human contact. The friendship that developed was strangely intense, possessive. Jo's secrets created an air of reserve that attracted Dana even more. She constantly sought Jo's attention and affection, even as she used the male members of the house, including Eli, for sexual gratification. Dana had a desperate quality about her, a hole that needed to be filled. Eli was more than happy to oblige. A quiet science graduate student, Eli saw himself as the outsider in the little commune: the antithesis of the drugged freedom in which the other members indulged. Dana's fleeting attention brought him relief at first; she had the energy that made people breathless. As her needs grew and her attentions waned, Eli saw himself as the outsider once again. In the year that followed, he begged Dana for another chance, even a maybe would do. Before she can answer, though, Dana is dead. The house split apart after the murder of Dana went unsolved. Licia Stead went back to her life and problems as Jo Becker, Eli and the others went their separate ways. It is years later that Eli's returning presence shocks Jo with the power of her own memory. Her beloved friend Dana, hidden for so long, may now be revisited with someone else who knew her. Eli is clearly as eager as Jo to relive the passion and freedom Dana symbolized to them. Slowly, the two friends allow the past to create a present bond much more tempting than the established patterns of her marriage. Jo walks into the relationship knowing what havoc it may bring to her quiet life, but unable to resist Dana, her imp, seen here in the face of Eli Mayhew. Sue Miller has illustrated with complex tenderness and gripping intensity the power of the past and the strength of a friendship born and killed under such passionate circumstances. The dynamics of the human relationships Jo chooses to replace with fantasies and memories come with a horrible price: a secret revealed and a family destroyed. While I Was Gone is beautifully written and difficult to end. Miller leaves you feeling like your own impish desires have been stirred with a warning not to sate them. Give in and read the bookfascinating! Rebecca James lives in Rehoboth Beach. She recently began practicing massage after completing certification at the Baltimore School of Massage. For rates, availability and appointments please call 302-226-9685. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 10, No. 9, July 14, 2000. |