LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
Booked Solid |
A Review by Rebecca James |
The Kid, by Dan Savage, September 1999 Dan Savage and his boyfriend, Terry, decided to get pregnant for a number of reasons. For one thing, it will give them a hobby to share as they approach the dreaded gay middle age. It may be an in-your-face gay political move. There's also that book publisher that advanced Dan a check with a lot of zeros and he still didn't have a topic. But really, the best reason to have a kid? The perfect excuse for a gay man to let himself get fat. To be fair, having a baby is a long process and I'm sure some better reasons came up along the way; they had to tell the adoption agency something. In fact, Dan had already been through "lesbian deep-process" before he met Terry. At the time, donating sperm to a couple of dykes in exchange for a glorified uncle status sounded appealing, and Dan was ready and willing to do the deed. Unfortunately, the lesbians he had in mind were only "at the beginning of their decision-making process" and they apparently just needed Dan's "balls along on their explorations." After a year of embracing his True Feminist Man, Dan met Terry and they decided to have kids on their own. The entire conversation: "Dan: 'You need to know I'm thinking of having kids.' Terry: 'I love kids.'" When the lesbian couple heard the news, they were shocked: Dan's balls were officially off the market. Friends recommended an open-adoption agency in Seattle that was willing to make its first fag placement. The Kid is Savage's completely irreverent account of that process, from seminars on "grieving their infertility" to meeting the birthparent, an experience that will enlighten readers with its delicate explanation of "gutter-punk." In case you're not familiar with Dan Savage, he's the columnist behind "Savage Love", a syndicated sex-advice column. He's a wisecracking, brutally honest guy that will leave you on the floor laughing. Even though they were picked fairly quickly, Dan and Terry still made it to one support group meeting for couples waiting for children. "The new mom and dad rose to leave. Marilyn, the agency counselor running the meeting, thanked them for coming in, and as they gathered up their bags and blankets and baby and walked out of the room, all eyes followed them. The yearning in the room was palpable. A newborn baby at an adoptive-parents support group is like a five-pound bag of heroin at Narcotics Anonymous. Everyone was staring at the couple carrying the smack out of the room, and there were a lot of brave faces slapped over a deep and nearly desperate desire to have what they had. Everyone wanted to be the couple with the smack, and some were losing hope that they'd ever get their hands on any." Melissa is twenty, seven months pregnant, and a homeless punk rocker. She's chosen Terry and Dan from her list of prospective parents for her baby, and the boys are anxious to make a good impression. Melissa does not thaw easily, though, and getting to know her requires much patience. There were certain things Dan and Terry had to know, though. For instance, the gay issue: why did Melissa pick two self-described cocksuckers to be Dads? "I don't know." Apparently, being gay made them less square than the other potential parents and that was enough for Melissa. Along the way, readers learn about Melissa's favorite pastimes: train hopping (riding the rails cross-country, baby), spare changing (begging for money in downtown Seattle) and space bagging (sucking wine from the mylar bag inside boxes of winebetcha won't find that on any local wine list). Open adoptions recommend a great deal of contact between the birthparent and the adoptive parents, so Dan and Terry spend some social time with Melissa. Despite the fact that Melissa now has shelter, she's not too into the bathing thing so the three of them togethertwo urban fags and a gutter punkcause quite a stir in restaurants. Dan perfects his mother's smiling don't-fuck-with-me-in-public look with more than a few strangers. There are other issues that come up before the baby is born. First, don't jinx the whole thing. Plan nothinganything could happen before the smack is officially theirs. "'Babies are born dead/Birth mothers change their minds' had become our daily mantra. It was a little cumbersome as mantras go, and we shortened it to 'BBD/BCM'. Whenever either of us felt we were getting carried awayif we went on too long talking about how great it was going to be, or if we stayed too long in a Baby Gapwe would look at each other and say, 'BBD/BCM.'" Dan comes from a long line of superstitious Irish Catholics. There's also the circumcision issue, which, according to Savage, boils down to "personal taste", so to speak. "Terry wanted his son's dick to look like his own, while I didn't foresee D.J. and me spending any of our quality time comparing dicks. As for taste, well, the slight possibility that D.J. would get a little less head than his cut friends bothered me less than the idea of taking a knife and lopping off the end of his dick." Savage also addresses the religious right, dad drag, and choosing a last name. Old family names were definitely out"With two gay dads and the name 'D.J. Bunbaker,' he would never get out of junior high alive." Throughout the book, Savage keeps a sense of humor about the adoption process, growing up, family and life in general while managing to address the more serious issues of having a child. Hopes, fears, laughs and everything in between are on trial as the party boys settle down. The Kid is a quick, funny read and should attract some new fans to Savage's regular column. Rebecca James lives in Rehoboth Beach. She recently began practicing massage after completing certification at the Baltimore School of Massage. For rates, availability and appointments please call 302-226-9685. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 10, No. 6, June 2, 2000. |