LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
Gay 'n Gray: Seventy and Seventeen |
by John Siegfried |
What do a seventeen-year-old and a seventy-year-old man have in common? I asked that question recently at a lunch with some of my more erudite, entertaining friends, in the hope that they'd provide a clever answer that would allow me to turn the question into a joke for the start this article. I failed. They failed. Maybe some reader will succeed. You see, I'm spending some of my winter down time taking a writing seminar. Gay 'n Gray readers, I'm sure, wish I had done that much earlier, but "timing in life is everything," and I have time now. Our seminar leader, Stuart McIver, a well-respected and well-published Florida author, gave a homework assignment at our last session. I am either to turn in an outline for the book I want to write, or write an article. I must confess that I have no aspirations to write a book, so the reading public will be spared that agony. While my writing skills may be limited, my ability to fantasize is well developed and I do have fantasies of John Grisham, Maya Angelou, and John Updike gathered around my casket all lamenting the fact that I wasn't discovered sooner. That gets filed away with the fantasy that my invitation to play at Wimbeldon got lost in the mail. Well, what are fantasies for if not to be outrageous? Now back to my lead question, "What do a seventeen- and a seventy-year-old man have in common?" There undoubtedly are many right answers to the question but the one that caught my attention is the fact that both groups have a significantly higher rate of suicide than the general population. A headline in the South Florida Sun-Sentinel on February 2 proclaimed, "Senior suicide weighs heaviest on men." The article recounted a suicide attempt by a local 66 year-old man whose method of destruction was to barrel down the Florida Turnpike the wrong way. He slammed head on into a truck and then hit a Lincoln, and miraculously, no one died. It seems that what's needed is a code of ethics for suicide and rule number one should be, "Don't take anyone else with you." Barreling down the highway intent on self-destruction, but with a high potential for murder and mayhem, isn't cricket. It's unethical. When the Atlanta Hyatt Regency opened in the 1960s, it was the first Portman designed hotel to include as its centerpiece a soaring multistory atrium. This quickly became the "in place" to jump. Sadly, on the lobby level there was also an "in place"a chic caf for drinks and dinner. In this case two ins made an out. The diners were grossed out by the jumpers. So rule number two is "Don't jump during dinner hours." The third ethical rule is "Leave a note," or somehow communicate your intention. Without a note there's always the unresolved question of, "Was it an accident?" A suicide without a note is like the houseguest who leaves in the middle of the night with no explanation. The host is forced to forever wonder, "Was it my cooking or my deodorant?" Why? The Sun Sentinel article by Shana Gruskin identified ill health, finances and loneliness as causes underlying the depression that precipitates suicide. For senior men that list can be extended to include physical impairment, unrelieved pain, grief associated with the loss of a partner, social isolation and alcoholism. Regrettably, most people accept the irritable cranky, non-communicative behavior of older men as normal and fail to see this as an indicator of depression, ala Walter Matthau in the movie Grumpy Old Men. For as long as suicide statistics have been collected in the United States, suicide is overwhelmingly white, male, and older than age sixty. The relationship between age, gender and suicide is amazingly consistent throughout the world and across cultures. Someone age 65 or over commits suicide every ninety minutessixteen deaths a day and while elders account for 12% of the population they account for 20% of the suicides. That data doesn't include the "silent suicides" that are particularly prevalent with seniorsdeath by deliberate overdose of a prescription medicine, or a head-on crash on the Florida Turnpike. In 1995 there were almost ten thousand more suicides in the United States than homicides. There is no data that segregates gay suicides from straight, but my suspicion is that the rate is even higher for gays. Gay seniors often experience greater social isolation than their straight brothers. Many of the older generation are still in the closet, or, when forced into eldercare situations, must return to the closet because gay/lesbian oriented senior programs are few, and residential facilities virtually non-existent. What about the seventeen-year-old? That deserves a column of its own. Suffice it to say there's a growing body of research literature that supports the estimate that gay, lesbian and bisexual youth attempt suicide at a rate 2-3 times higher than their heterosexual peers. It's also estimated that gay, lesbian and bisexual youth comprise 30% of the suicides in their age group, far in excess of their representation in the population. Maybe its time for Hollywood to produce a new film, "Grumpy Young Men" because the same irritability, isolation and lack of communicationall indicators of depressionthat characterize one end of the age spectrum characterize the other. There is, however, an increasing awareness of the risk of suicide in teens and in seniors. Dr. David Satcher while serving as Surgeon General, identified suicide, the nation's eighth leading cause of death, as an "overlooked area of health care." Federal and local authorities are beginning to develop programs that might help to address this need, but it's more than a health care issue, it's a community care issue. Fort Lauderdale and surrounding Broward County have an estimated lesbian and gay resident population well in excess of 250,000 and a multitude more seasonal visitors. Within the past month plans for a seniors day care center focused on gays and lesbians and housed within the facilities of the local Metropolitan Community Church were announced. The program is sponsored by the state office on aging in recognition of the special needs of lesbians and gays. Two similar programs are in operation in New York City and in San Francisco. Many more are needed throughout the country. One of my friends in Ft. Lauderdale, retired from Washing-ton and Rehoboth Beach, is now in an assisted living facility nearby. The program and facility are excellent but with no gay friends within the complex he feels isolated and, after years of being "out," he now feels he's "back in the closet." "All they want to do," he says, "is talk about their grandchildren. Well, that leaves me out!" The truth is that occasionally he gives them something else to talk about. He slips into the pool for a nude swim. Retirement housing and assisted living facilities specifically focused on gays and lesbians are almost non-existent, but the move is starting. One of the first planned gay retirement communities is the Palms of Manasota, a community of twenty-one single homes in a small town south of Tampa. In various parts of the country there are a half dozen or more other projects planned and struggling now to obtain adequate financing. These facilities are needed now and the onslaught of gay baby-boomers soon retiring will only increase the demand. The most basic and most effective intervention for suicide prone teens or adults is simply a caring response by a concerned community. The "Each One Teach One" literacy approach needs to be adapted to "Each One Care for One" in terms of suicide sensitivity and prevention. The gay and lesbian community has earned a well-deserved reputation for caring for brothers and sisters with HIV/AIDS. Those same models of commitment and care need to be adapted to deal with the problem of suicide in gay seniors and teens. The proposed Gay and Lesbian Community Center for Rehoboth Beach will be poised to play a major role in bringing this about. John Siegfried, a retired association executive, currently lives in Ft. Lauderdale and Rehoboth Beach. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 12, No. 02, March 8, 2002 |