February 06, 2009 - Gay 'n Gray

LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth

Gay 'n Gray

I kind of miss all the electioneering grime and garbagelike I miss a tooth ache or a pair of Jockeys that are too tight. It's only after the tooth is out, or the Jockeys off and the gentle breeze again caresses my posterior (anterior too, for that matter), that I realize the torture I've been enduring. While our political campaigns are unendurably long, redundant, costly and boring, the characters who play leading roles on the political stage often have a great sense of humor. Sometimes, however, the humor in the midst of the political fray gets lost.

I remember reading an interview with Billy Carter published in the New York Times when Jimmy was running for president. In response to a question now forgotten Billy said, "Mam, I have a mother who just came back from the Peace Corps in India; I have a sister who's a Holy Roller preacher; and I have a brother who's running for the presidency of the United States. I'm the only one in this family who's even half way sane." And as time went on, Brother Billy demonstrated repeatedly that his grasp on sanity was a scant half.

Billy's mother, Ms. Lillian, referring to Jimmy, Billy, and the Holy Roller preacher daughter was quoted as saying, "Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have stayed a virgin.'" A sentiment, which I'm sure, many women can endorse.

And staying on the distaff side, Eleanor Roosevelt said, "I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read in the catalogue: 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'"

On a Nightline show in November 1988 Bob Dole commented, "I was told people did not like negative ads. So I didn't run any. I lost." But later in his career, Dole ran positive ads, lots of themfor Viagra. Who would have thought the day would arrive when erectile dysfunction was respectable cocktail conversation, in part thanks to the willingness of a distinguished senator to be the poster boy for the product. Dole's contribution to society at large, and men in particular, as the spokesman for Viagra may far outweigh his many other accomplishments. Personally, Dole or no Dole, I've never tried Viagrabut Cialis works pretty well.

Now having two metal knees and one metal hip I tease with the airport security guards who wand me prior to every flight. I tell them that eventually I'll get another metal hip, then a steel prick and then my own TV show, The Bionic Grandpa. So far that comment hasn't linked me to terrorism but, if steel pricks ever become part of the surgical armamentarium, terror of a different kind will be unleashed. Senior centers will become dens of iniquity.

But back to politics. Speaking before the Gridiron Club in Washington, D.C. John F. Kennedy confessed, "I have just received the following wire from my generous daddy. It says, 'Dear Jack, don't buy a single vote more than is necessary. I'll be damned if I'm going to pay for a landslide.'" Which echoes in a way Will Rogers' observation that, "Politics has got so expensive that it takes lots of money to even get beat with." On a more serious note Adlai Stevenson noted after his acceptance of the nomination at the Democratic convention in 1956, "The idea that you can merchandise candidates for high office like breakfast cerealthat you can gather votes like box topsis, I think, the ultimate indignity to the democratic process."

I wonder what he'd say after our recent go-round.

But the ultimate politician with a sense of humor unimpeded by his political office was Winston Churchill. When George Bernard Shaw wrote to him saying, "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play. Bring a friend...if you have one." Churchill replied, "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...if there is one."

Referring to an unnamed political colleague Churchill observed, "A modest little person, with much to be modest about." And of another member of the House of Lords, "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." And finally, for all of us in the Gay an' Gray category, Churchill advised, "Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you."

John Siegfried, a former Rehoboth resident who now lives in Ft. Lauderdale, maintains strong ties to our community and can be reached at hsajds@aol.com.

LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 19, No. 01 February 06, 2009