May 22, 2009 - CAMP Safe

LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth

CAMP Safe

As the summer season gets going here in Rehoboth and other gay resort areas, many men will be doing the "last dance, last chance" ritual. We all know what that is. All night you've waited for the perfect guy to take home. All night you've stood in the corner of the bar, checking out the room, taking notes, and sizing up men as they walked by. Then, uh-oh! The bartender screams "last call." Now, that "last dance, last chance" mode kicks in, you're all worked up and time is running out, so you grab what you can and hope you won't regret it in the morning. Sometimes, when we engage in the "last dance, last chance," we might do things we will regret for a far longer time than just the next morning.

Most men have heard a lot, even from a young age, about HIV and how condoms are the most effective way to stop the spread of HIV. Almost every HIV infection among men who have sex with men, has taken place during times when men have had anal sex without condoms.

Most men fail to use condoms at one time or another. Sometimes these decisions are made wisely with an informed sense of the risk being taken and efforts made to reduce the risk of getting or passing on HIV. Other times, these decisions are made in a heat-of-the-moment way, with not a lot of effort being made to reduce risk. Sometimes we're not really sure how risky or safe what we're doing really is or we just don't want to think about HIV at the time.

Condoms and lube are always the easiest and most effective way to stop HIV transmission in casual sex, but sometimes men don't have condoms. On these occasions, there are other things you can do to reduce the chances of an HIV infection. Most of these strategies will reduce risk but not eliminate it altogether.

Tops I am a top, I am negative, I can have anal sex without a condom. Wrong. According to the Gay Men's Health Study, one-in-six recently infected men were tops. This strategy might reduce the chances of HIV being passed on, but it does not eliminate the chance altogether.

Watch Where You Release When guys decide not to use condoms, another strategy is to pull out before completion. This might reduce the chances of HIV being passed on, but it doesn't eliminate the chances altogether. Pre-cum can contain HIV and little breaks and tears can occur during sex, making HIV more likely to be passed on. HIV can also enter the head of the penis from another man. Think turkey baster.

No One Here Has HIV Some HIV negative men don't use condoms because they think there are no HIV positive men around the places they go to have sex. Wrong Again! No destination can possibly provide a guarantee of HIV-free sex, nor can you tell from looking at someone if they are infected or not.

I didn't think he was positive Most of the time we think that if a guy has a different HIV status to us, he'll say so. But a lot of HIV negative men think it's more important that HIV positive men tell their HIV status. A lot of HIV positive men get rejected by HIV negative men when they say they're positive. And lots of HIV negative men won't have sex with a guy they know is positive. You can't rely on HIV positive men to say they're positive when they know they're likely to be rejected. Never assume that you're going to be told when someone is HIV positive. Also some men don't know their HIV status so they couldn't possibly tell you whether they are HIV positive or not. A lot of guys who don't know their own HIV status just assume that they're negativeeven though that might not be the case at all.

I must be immune No one is immune to HIV. HIV only needs one opportunity to pass from one person to another, so the more times you give it a chance, the more likely it is to happen.

Nothing beats a good shag to make your night complete, but, before you rush into a "last chance, last dance" situation, take the lead on your own dance and make sure you know all the steps.

LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 19, No. 05 May 22, 2009