Who Among Us Doesn’t Like a Great Big Weenie?
“God Almighty,” I gasped when the bartender slapped down the grilled half-pound beef hot dog in front of me. I looked at him and he just grinned and shrugged his muscular shoulders. It was the biggest weenie at the beach, according to the menu at the Purple Parrot Biergarten. I couldn’t disagree.
I’ve always loved a good weenie. As a little boy I used to beg my mother to take me to Lum’s, a Miami Beach tradition, for hot dogs cooked in beer. In high school my friends and I would get a buzz on and head to Skeeter’s, which has served its signature hot dog since 1925, each one steamed and put in a soft bun then topped with mustard, chili, and finely-chopped coleslaw and wrapped daintily in a paper napkin.
According to the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council, Americans eat twenty billion weenies per year. More than a hundred and fifty million will be consumed over the 4th of July holiday. I’ll bet that’s why July is officially national hot dog month.
With the movement towards fresh and wholesome foods, I’m surprised the hot dog still has such a fan following. Sociologists say its because hot dogs are one of our great democratic foods, eaten by people from all walks of life and tailored to local and regional tastes. European immigrants may have brought the humble hot dog to these shores, but it certainly has morphed into one of the quintessential symbols of America—baseball, hot dogs, and apple pie. Speaking of Americana, did you know Mickey Mouse’s first uttered word on the silver screen back in 1929 was “hot dog?”
I like to think that for those of us who were kids in the 1960s, there might be another reason we like weenies: the advertising jingle, those catchy tunes created explicitly to make us desire weenies. Ask anyone of a certain age and I bet they’ll remember just about every word to two popular hot dog jingles.
Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener,
That is what I’d truly love to be.
For if I were an Oscar Meyer wiener,
Everyone would be in love with me.
Hot dogs, Armour hot dogs,
What kind of kids eat Armour hot dogs?
Fat kids, skinny kids, kids who climb on rocks,
Tough kids, sissy kids, even kids with chicken pox,
Love hot dogs, Armour hot dogs,
The dogs kids love to bite.
These were commercials for kids and featuring kids who marched around singing about their love for hot dogs. Clearly, the advertising worked because that’s precisely why yours truly was cast in a commercial for Carolina Pride hot dogs. Come again? You didn’t know this writer was a child star?
Carolina Pride is a regional company—it’s still around—and some wise marketing guru back in the day felt the company needed its very own kiddie hot dog commercial. Even better, why not film it in the North Carolina mountains at a Wild West theme park called Tweetsie Railroad? My father knew the founder of Tweetsie, and that’s how I got the gig.
The Carolina Pride storyline was edgier than either of the Armour and Oscar Meyer commercials. But I don’t recall a jingle. Imagine if you will a train full of white Southerners suddenly attacked by a band of Indians. A shoot out prevails between the Indians and the cowboys guarding the train. Luckily, the kids on the train save the day by hanging out the windows and waving hot dogs at the bloodthirsty Indians. Everyone’s animosity melted away and we all sat down together to enjoy some Carolina Pride hot dogs. Hmmm…maybe all we need to do to bring back bipartisanship in Congress is to wave weenies at our elected officials?
As I recall, I wasn’t paid in cash but in product, a huge frozen log roll of hot dogs, the kind that turned a pot of water red when you cooked them.
So where does an aging hot dog child star get his weenie fix in Rehoboth? There are three places I recommend. First is the hot dog stand on Poodle Beach where you can enjoy a classic grilled weenie in a soft roll for a mere three dollars. It pairs well with mustard, a French rosé, and a little sand. Gus and Gus on the Boardwalk serves a butterflied and grilled hot dog on a white bun and wrapped in waxed paper, which I like because it feels very old fashioned.
But the best wiener, in my opinion, is still the beef half-pounder served at the Purple Parrot Biergarten. I like it best plain with just a zigzag vein of yellow mustard. I tell you, it takes two hands just to hold it and your eyes will water as you strain to take the first few satisfying bites. It’s a challenge. But sometimes bigger is better, when it comes to hot dogs.
Rich Barnett is the author of The Discreet Charms of a Bourgeois Beach Town, and Fun with Dick and James. More from Rich Barnett.