They Hate Me, They Really Hate Me
I make far-right, gun-toting, bigoted, government-hating fundamentalist religious conservatives gag. Me, specifically. I have so many credentials they hate I’m a walking bull’s eye. It makes me proud.
Let’s go with the easy ones first. As Ellen DeGeneres proclaimed on the cover of Time magazine, “Yup, I’m Gay!“ With marriage equality sweeping the country, gays are the far right’s boogeypeople. They can raise tons of money and get gobs of supporters by frightening dumbos into believing gays are ruining their America. Nonsense. What about that new reality show where a straight couple marry but don’t meet each other until they walk down the aisle? At least lesbians wait until the second date for the U-Haul. In this reality show, if the marriage doesn’t work after five weeks a bride or groom can return a spouse like a broken blender to Crate and Barrel. And we’re ruining marriage?
I’m Jewish, which makes me even more infuriating to Sleepytime tea baggers who want me to embrace their brand of right wing Christian religion as the only one for the country. I actually heard, with my own ears, a Sussex County parent complain bitterly that it was wrong for the April school holidays to be called Spring Break when it’s actually Easter Vacation. Easter to who?
Telling me to find Jesus is like telling me to find a knish in Gumboro. Good luck. (Although I will admit that right wing fundamentalist Jews are just as bad as fundamentalist Christians, but that’s a whole other column).
Oh yeah, I’m pro-choice. If I still had any reproductive choices left (Oy, has that ship sailed), see above.
Hmmm. Northern Elite. I was born and raised in New York. I went to college. My IQ is higher than my body temperature. They hate me.
I believe in gun control. I also believe in gun rights. But the gun lobby’s “slippery slope” argument is a gunsmoke screen. They are protecting only the wealthy assault rifle manufacturers. It has nothing to do with preserving the second amendment and everything to do with preserving funding for their multi-million dollar non-profits. Without the money motive most would agree to ban murderous battalion-killing assault weapons while letting hunters and sportspeople holster their appropriate guns. Only the survivalist nut jobs and garden variety nut jobs who want to kill school children don’t know this. So the NRA hates me.
I believe in Social Security, Medicare, and Unemployment Insurance. Where do I start? A person I know (slightly) pontificates against “entitlements” while happily banking unemployment benefits and filing for disability. He doesn’t even have the decency to feel guilty. I cannot decide whether these people are entirely heartless, just selfish, or enjoy hypocrisy. Trifecta? This whole topic reminds me of a cartoon I saw. The first panel has an anti-government protester shouting against government programs. The second panel had the man clinging to his roof in a flood, saying “Where’s the government?” Indeed.
I believe in equal pay for equal work. In 1981 in Maryland, I took a job at a company staffed mostly by women. My boss actually said, out loud, “we like hiring women because we don’t have to pay them as much. When we hire a man we have to pay him more because he has a family to support.” My head exploded in 1981 and in 2014 I’m still picking up the pieces. Very little has changed among the Congresspeople voting against the Fair Pay Act. If women’s suffrage went to a vote today, Congress would refuse it an up or down vote and I’d be chaining myself to the capitol steps.
But as much as the aforementioned attributes are ones that make me America’s Most Nauseous for the Snapple Head Tea Cuppers, two issues in the news make me a special threat.
First, immigration reform. Several years ago I visited Ellis Island and spent a day feeling very close to my roots. When I told the family matriarch, Aunt Marion, about my wonderful Ellis Island visit she laughed and said, “Didn’t you know, Dear? We came in illegally through Canada.”
Wow. I am the spawn of illegal aliens. Apparently my clan went in search of a cheaper fare and better excursions on the ship from Vladivostok and wound up landing in the dead of night somewhere north of the border. They were quite pissed at having missed the Statue of Liberty. And these poor huddled masses were further baffled when they repeated their multi-syllabic name, Onakelski, to the border patrol and were promptly assigned the new name Kelsey. From then on everybody thought they were Irish Jews. But I maintain they still did not ruin America.
And finally, the far right hates me because Obamacare works!!! Bonnie was able to get insurance starting May 1 from Obamacare. Nobody ruled her out because of anything preexisting (thank you, President Obama!) and it was easy to sign up. It’s good insurance, and it works exactly like any other insurance. We are extremely fortunate to have this program available to us. And by the way, I know many other people for whom it works beautifully as well. So sue me.
Yes, I am the ultra-conservative’s perfect storm. And with all the time I have had on my hands lately, plus a family medical crisis to put life in perspective, I‘ve decided that staying quiet pays no dividends.
I am woman hear me roar, and vote.
Fay Jacobs is the author of As I Lay Frying—a Rehoboth Beach Memoir; Fried & True—Tales from Rehoboth Beach, For Frying Out Loud—Rehoboth Beach Diaries, and her newest book Time Fries—Aging Gracelessly in Rehoboth Beach.