What Is the Role of an Ally, Anyway?
Shortly before Thanksgiving, Rich Fierro was enjoying a drag show at a Colorado LGBTQ+ nightclub with his daughter, her boyfriend, and a few friends when he heard shots. Within moments, Fierro had the heavily armed attacker on the floor, pummeling him with punches and bludgeoning him with his own gun. Matthew Haynes, one of the club’s owners, was reported by the New York Times as saying Fierro “saved dozens and dozens of lives…. Everyone else was running away, and he ran toward him.”
Although several factors were undoubtedly in play, Fierro was seen as an ally superhero—someone who stood up for the LGBTQ+ community in an extraordinary way. His actions beg the question: In this time of terrifying societal backsliding, when both active shooters and misguided legislators are potential threats to our LGBTQ+ friends, what are our responsibilities as allies?
Educate Ourselves and Others
Education is key, starting with our children. Thirty years ago, I started letting my young son know it was OK to love someone of the same sex and took him to gay Pride parades so he could see that gay people could be cops as well as drag queens. Answering children’s questions honestly and in an age-appropriate way ensures that they will feel accepted and will be more accepting of others.
Then there’s the somewhat stickier challenge of educating older folks who grew up in a time before Pride parades and Heather’s two mommies. One of our Thanksgiving guests had recently met Delaware Senator Sarah McBride and expressed confusion over the term “trans.” A quick check of some authoritative sources helped me educate myself as well as our guest. (It’s complicated, diverse, and common—the Human Rights Campaign Foundation has estimated there are more than two million transgender people in the United States).
And as with any show of prejudice and ignorance, we cannot allow social media comments or “jokes” that mock or degrade go unchallenged. Let people know it’s not OK to make offensive remarks, ask insensitive questions, challenge restroom choice, or use insulting epithets. And remember not to make assumptions based on appearances. Continue to evolve. Being a good ally means being open to the idea of being wrong sometimes and being willing to work on it.
Challenge Bigotry
Be alert for signs of discrimination. When someone questions the preoccupation with pronouns and the increasing length of the LGBTQ+ initialism, we can remind them that good manners call for referring to people according to their preferences not ours, and that preference can and does change over time (the progression of negro, colored, Black, and person of color being just one example). And speaking of manners, let’s be respectful, not make assumptions, and resist asking intrusive questions. Our desire to identify and categorize isn’t the priority; respecting personhood, individuality, and privacy is.
Those of us in positions of power have a particular responsibility to make sure our organizations are inclusive and that our employees respect each other and our public.
Check Our Privilege
We all have some type of privilege due to our race, class, education, gender, ability, or orientation. This doesn’t mean we haven’t faced prejudice, but it does mean there are things we don’t have to think or worry about just because of the way we were born. Understanding our own privileges can help us empathize with marginalized or oppressed groups, but it doesn’t mean we know what it’s like.
Vote as if Our Rights Are at Stake
Imagine your right to marry your loved one, your ability to walk into any store and be served, or your ability to get the healthcare you need were taken away. In elections across the country, LGBTQ+ rights are being challenged either directly or through candidates hoping to gain control of the decision making. Locally, a state senate candidate said during a debate that he had nothing against people of the “gay persuasion” even though he voted against marriage equality. (He lost the election, so he will no longer have a say).
Support Advocacy Organizations
We can support organizations such as CAMP Rehoboth and PFLAG (the first and largest organization dedicated to supporting, educating, and advocating for LGBTQ+ people and their families) that educate, support, and advocate. If you see LGBTQ+ people being misrepresented in the media, contact GLAAD at glaad.org. These groups and others like them do things on a larger scale and make an impact on policies and protections. Donations allow them to make our voices and those of our LGBTQ+ family, friends, and colleagues heard.
CAMP Rehoboth offers many opportunities for allies to participate in advancing the mission of creating a positive environment inclusive of all sexual orientations and gender identities. For information about Volunteer Opportunity sessions, contact Matty Brown at matty@camprehoboth.com or (302) 227-5620. Stay tuned for the 2023 Volunteer Opportunity Meetings schedule. ▼
Nancy (Day) Sakaduski is an award-winning writer and editor who owns Cat & Mouse Press in Lewes, Delaware.