Should I Stay or Should I Go?
“You really need to get out of there,” my friend Brett messaged me.
The there in question is the United States, and the reason for Brett’s message was the recent announcement that the Supreme Court looks likely to deliver a knockout blow to Roe v. Wade. This is, of course, just the latest in a string of exhausting events, but it’s the one that seems to be making a lot of people consider taking Brett’s advice.
Brett himself hasn’t lived in the United States in five years. He left after Trump became president, declaring that things were only going to get worse. Taking advantage of his ancestry, he ended up in Berlin. He was able to do this not only because a handy grandparent made getting residency easy, but because his job is not location-specific and because he had significant financial resources.
“That’s it, I’m moving to Canada!” (or wherever) has long been the generally idle threat of those of us irritated by one thing or another in American life. And most of us never follow through. But more and more, my friends are seriously considering making the move. They’re weary of living in a country that appears to be being dragged backwards in time. They fear losing the rights they’ve fought for.
The older ones like myself are mostly just tired. “I marched for reproductive rights half a century ago,” my friend June said. “Now my granddaughter has to do it all over again. I’ll be there with her, of course, but I really thought we were done with this nonsense and I could maybe take a nap or something.”
Even those who can’t or won’t leave the country are looking at moving to more progressive states. “I want to live where the majority of people think like I do,” one friend said. “I just want to feel safe, and I no longer feel that way where I currently live.”
I get it. I’ve lived in some of the most liberal cities in the country, including New York, San Francisco, and Boston. But I now live in rural Ohio. Ohio in general has been trending right for a long time, culminating in the 2020 election when Trump won the state handily and for the first time since 1960 (when they chose Nixon over Kennedy) Ohio did not choose the winning candidate.
While we live in one of the few blue dots in the state, we’re surrounded by Trump flags and bumper stickers, reminders that there are a lot of people here who would likely be more than happy to see the place turn solid red. When I vote, I do so knowing that the best I can generally hope for is that I’m cancelling out one Republican vote rather than voting for a candidate I believe would make the state (or the country) a better place.
“You don’t owe anyone anything,” Brett reminded me when I said that I think it’s important to stay and fight if it becomes necessary. “It’s not like the right is playing fair anyway.”
I understand his point. And I understand why so many people just want to go somewhere where the battles have already been won. But we thought we’d won them too. And if all of us leave places where it might become increasingly difficult to live our lives, what’s to become of the people who can’t leave? Especially the young people?
I was recently invited to speak at the Dayton Metro Library this fall as part of their Social Justice Speaker Series. I will also be conducting a writing workshop for queer youth. Speaking at libraries is familiar territory for those of us who write books for young people, but recently a lot of my writer friends are turning down speaking engagements and conferences held in states where right-wing politics are the norm.
Just as I understand those who want to leave the United States because it’s become a place where they don’t feel welcome, I understand my friends who are refusing to visit states where the politics are against them or people they care about. However, I think these are exactly the places where our voices are needed. And so I’ll stay in Ohio. And I’ll cast my vote even if I know it probably won’t result in a win for my candidate. And I’ll speak to queer youth in places where they may not feel welcome, places they may dream of one day escaping. Will I tell them they should instead stay and fight? No. Because I know what it’s like to be one of those kids, and I know what it feels like when you finally do escape.
But perhaps I’ll encourage them to look for ways they can help to make change, even as I myself look for ways to do the same thing here in our rural village and beyond. Because eventually, we will win. Again. ▼
Michael Thomas Ford is a much-published Lambda Literary award-winning author. Visit Michael at michaelthomasford.com.