LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
A Straight Look Into a Gay World |
by Dave Frederick |
My straight sons were reared in a gay neighborhood. My wife Susan and I have no emotional position (is that a pun?) when it comes to reflecting on the non-traditionally sexually oriented. Writer George Bernard Shaw defined a pervert as "A person that only knows one way of doing things." Now thats funny and Im all about the joke! When my 22 year old twin sons were four years old I knew they had never seen their father with a hairbrush or plastic comb. I groom my hair by placing my left hand above my ear and my right hand on top of my head, spreading my fingers and pulling my hair in opposite directions with my fingernails. It works for me. And so when I saw Twin B, sitting on the beach, combing his wet head with a red plastic comb he had found in the sand, I was more than a little amused. The grooming process took about 15 minutes, after which the boy bore a striking resemblance to fifties idol Tab Hunter and sixties throbber (pick your organ) Troy Donahue of "Surfside Six." Finally finished, and in all innocence, this Tabula Rasa of a sexual person turned to me and asked, "Hey Dad! Do you think I look like a faggot?" Did I laugh? Can Carl Lewis run the 100 meters on the "straight away" in under 10 seconds? Is Isaiah Thomas just a little silly? Of course, I laughed. I had the intelligence to understand that the boys frame of reference was "neatly groomed" and thats what faggot meant to him. I guess thats what he learned on the "mean streets" of downtown Lewes because he sure didnt learn it inside the house. Teaching social studies to high school kids in the resort area affords me the opportunity and indeed the responsibility to deal with issues of wanton ignorance and discrimination. Its amazing when the truly blighted of brain look around and figure youre one of them and start talking about Negroes falling out of trees or kids "turning gay" after washing dishes or waiting tables at the Blue Moon. I preach "I dont really give a rats ass" tolerance when it comes to choices of lifestyle. I think that comes from my late mother who would say things like, "I like gay people (actually shes pre-gay when queer was the friendliest term available); they make the greatest neighbors. Mom also loved "colored people" and "Jewish people" and all people who were different. "They just always make the best and most loyal of friends," she would say. A few years ago I was in the middle of the heated classroom discussion on tolerance of lifestyles and I was just amazed how strongly anti-gay some of the guys were and marveled at some of the stupid stuff they said. Finally, a kid says to me, "O.K., Fredman. Tell me. What would you do if one of your sons came home and told you he was gay?" I didnt hesitate, "Id tell him to go decorate the living room." Everybody laughed and some kids realized that their cool teacher was "down with diversity" but "not in a bad way." Three years ago I dressed up in a fancy tux and traveled to the Dupont Country Club to emcee the Delaware Sports Hall of Fame induction ceremony. All I heard beforehand was how sophisticated a crowd I would encounter and I should just be myself. That should have been a tip-off for me to watch out! I told 300 of them I wondered why I was chosen for such an honor. I looked to more prestigious venues like the Emmy Awards. They were hosted by Ellen Degeneris. " I figured it was because she looked good in a tuxedo, " I said. The room grew stone quiet. Eyeballs stared back at me like from inside a human aquarium. About 70 hostile looking women, there to support a coach and friend who was being inducted, had sized me up and dressed me down as some red necked Sussex County homophobe. "Dont even try it, "I screamed at the crowd. "Im a journalist from Rehoboth Beach where every year the boys on Poodle Beach pipe out the summer by "giving it up" for the Transvestite Invitational Volleyball Championships !" I stared at some big weight lifter dude in the crowd. "Cmon, boy! Dont tell me you never wanted to slip on your grandmothers house dress and then leap high into the big blue sky coming back down on top of a white ball that you could smash into some guys face who was wearing a yellow sundress with blue flowers that was way too busy!" I hope that the point was made that to exclude any group from intelligent humor is the ultimate insult. And anyway, freak them if they cant take a joke! Back to the classroom! During the intense discussion on choice of lifestyle versus genetic predisposition, a smallish and artistically colorful young black man named Devon stood right up on top of his desk and announced, "Ill tell you all right now that Im gay as if you didnt know already, and anybody who doesnt like it can kiss my chocolate butt right now!" The most macho (wasnt Macho Man a gay thing?) of mesomorphs in the far corner of the room shouted, "Sit down Devon! Like who dont know your gay?" And I seized the moment. "Devon just took the fun out of bashing gay classmates. You like him because you like him! And you would defend him against foreign insults and assaults because he is you friend. He is your gay friend. And you are straight. What a silly world it is we live in!" Dave Frederick the Sports Editor of the Cape Gazette and a teacher at Cape Henlopen High School. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 9, No. 7, June 18, 1999 |