LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
CAMP Talk - The Graying of Gay Rehoboth: Time for a 'Queer Sun City'? |
by Bill Sievert |
Whenever it crosses my mind, the realization puts a lump in my throat. I am not the same young man who first came to Rehoboth Beach a few short years agoin 1979. The evidence is apparent in my behavior. Instead of long afternoons of basking on the blistering beach as John and I once did, we now stretch out on chaise lounges on our backyard deck. Our sunning usually lasts only a few minutes until some overzealous bee buzzes us back indoors. We often wish we had built a screened porch rather than a deck and, as I check my face for deepening wrinkles, I regret that I hadnt been wiser about protecting myself from so much exposure to the sun earlier in life. On Saturday nights, instead of dancing until closing time at The Boathouse (long gone) or the Nomad (another old stomping ground), we often talk about the idea of driving ten blocks to the Renegade while we gripe about the lousy selection of programs on television. "Its because there is no audience on Saturdays," John often says. "Everyone else goes out." Well, not everyone. In fact, all you have to do is look around, and youll realize that more gay men and lesbians in the Rehoboth Beach community areto put it bluntlygetting old. For many of us who remember The Renegades first Memorial Day weekend 20 years ago, happy hour has become the preferred party time. By the time the late-night dancing begins, we have already fallen asleep on our sofas wondering why Saturday Night Live isnt as funny as it used to be. Some of my peers in their early 50s have begun to sport AARP cards. They love the discounts the association offers. Others of us are still in denial. I mean, my parents didnt begin clamoring for senior discounts until they were well past the age of 60. I keep hoping to be carded just one more time at a liquor store. So, I immediately toss out all the monthly mailings beckoning me to join the nations largest organization for seniors. A warning to those of you in your late 40s: The first mailing shows up on your doorstep about a month before you turn 50. They continue to arrive regularly for the rest of your life, until you succumb to (or from) their appeals. Its not that I am unhappy with my age status. There is much to be said for the slightly calmer pace and relaxation in attitude that come with so many decades of worldly experience. Still, the process of aging presents new concerns. Suddenly, we "baby boomers"a generation that created a "youth revolution"are thinking about the quality of life we will have a few years into the new Millenium. At dinner parties, we now talk about IRA plans and pensions (or our lack thereof) almost as frequently as we gossip about who is doing what with whom around town. And we wonder aloud who will be there to care for us in our later years. Most of us cant become a burden to our children (though my nieces are already braced for the possibility). Our friend Peter, a Washington activist in his mid-40s who has always been endlessly energetic, recently purchased a three-bedroom townhouse in the Rehoboth area. "Why three bedrooms?" I asked him. "Well, theres one for me, a second for my friends. The third bedroom is reserved for the house boy Ill hire to take care of me when I cant do it all for myself anymore." Of course, we giggled at the notion of Peter hiring a house boy and teased our friend about his underlying motives for wanting one. But it was quite clear from his facial expression that his long-term plan was a serious one. On the block where we live in "suburban" Rehoboth, two other gay couples have purchased lots upon which to build retirement homes. "The weather may not be as warm as Florida," one of my future neighbors told me, "but its not a bad climate here, particularly in light of the sizeable gay community that should make it easier to be old and queer." John and I have discussed investing in a piece of property either here or in a more southern clime for a group retirement compound. Almost everyone to whom we have mentioned the idea (including gay-friendly heterosexual friends) has been genuinely enthused. Each individual or couple would maintain his, her or their own personal living space but we would have central community rooms and would share the costs of housekeeping, perhaps a cook andas requirednursing assistance. What we like best about the idea is that we would be able to choose who cares for us. The experience might have some resemblance to the group houses many of us lived in back in college days, but our latter day variation on a commune would (we hope) be a bit more affluent in style. And it would help us maintain control over our lives at a time when we might be forced into less friendly living situations. The gay community has forged many important and lasting institutions during the last three decades. Perhaps "Queer Sun Cities" are our final frontier. I decided to do a little research into the subject and found that in many parts of the country gay and lesbian entrepreneurs are thinking the same way. I was surprised to discover that there are already several major gay retirement complexes. In Durango, Colorado, the 64-unit Rainbow Gardens is an assisted living facility for lesbians and gay men. Palmetto, Florida has the Palms of Manasota, a community of villas and single-unit homes linked to a gay senior center. In Santa Fe, New Mexico, Rainbow Vision Properties is building "supportive independent" and "assisted living" housing for gay, lesbian and gay friendly seniors. A New York-based group also intends to create similar housing developments in five other states. For more information on these and other such communities, contact the Pride Senior Network at 1756 Broadway, Suite 11H, New York, NY 10019. Or check out their website: www.pridesenior.org. It should go without saying but, before investing money in any retirement project, thoroughly investigate it. None of us needs to become a suckered senior. Still, it is exciting that new living options are evolving for gay and lesbian seniors, as are other kinds of support organizations from coast to coast. There is even a fledgling gay version of the AARP. Its called GLARP, the Gay and Lesbian Association of Retiring Persons. This two-year-old national group is still modest in size, according to its executive director Mary Thorndal, but its goal is to provide all the kinds of serviceseven senior discountsfor which the more famous group is renowned. "AARP does a good job for the heterosexual population, but it makes no attempt to address the different needs of gays and lesbians," she says. GLARP can be reached at 10940 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 1600, Los Angeles, CA 90024, or you can visit its website at www.gaylesbianretiring.org An excellent source of information on aging is SAGE, Senior Action in a Gay Environment. The nations oldest organization for lesbian and gay seniors, SAGE has been studying the issue of housing for the past two years. In a poll of New Yorkers over age 65, the groups researchers found that older gay men and lesbians were twice as likely to live alone as their counterparts in the general population. A whopping 87% of the gay and lesbian respondents said they were interested in retirement facilities designed especially for them. SAGE can be reached at 305 Seventh Ave, 16th Floor, in New York. Phone 212-741-2247. Web site: http://sageuse.org or via www.geocities.com. Another new study reports that the number of gay senior citizens in the U.S. today is greater than the number of all of the elderly people who currently live in nursing homes. As gay Rehoboth gets grayer, it is important to start considering our increasing local needs. Just as I was finishing this column, I learned that at least one veteran Rehoboth realtor, Betty Mann of Century 21/Mann & Moore Associates, has been looking into the feasibility of a senior housing community for lesbians and gay men in this area. She envisions a complex with convenient transportation, swimming pool, on-premises bar (for happy hours), game room and more. Assisted-living facilities would be available and eventually, a nursing unit. She is very enthusiastic about the vision and has discussed the concept with several developers and professionals in the field of senior housing. Right now, she is trying to get a handle on what the local gay community might want in such a project, what kind of demand for it exists. Please feel free to send your reactions and ideas to me in care of Camp Rehoboth, and Ill pass them on to her. There are all kinds of approaches such a project could take. Some creative planning now could be of service to many of us fortunate enough to mature into gay oldies but goodies. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 9, No. 5, May 21, 1999 |