LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
Student CAMP: School Daze |
by Kristen Foery |
Memorial Day has come upon us. Imagine that. My father, God bless him, is a veteran. Because of this, I respect Memorial Day as a solemn, respectful holiday. That doesnt stop my mind from wandering to the fact that school is almost out. (Yay!) If anyone, and I do mean anyone, gives me a lecture on how high school years are "the best years of my life," I will personally feed their spleens to lemurs. Lets see no money, restricted privileges, two parents (albeit wonderful ones) to be accountable to, and high school at large. There is a very bright spot at my school, however. She would be my girlfriend Lisa. (No, thats not her real name. More about that later.) Lisa is a wonderful, beautiful, extremely amazing girl that Im crazy about. The problem? Shes closeted. Now, I have nothing against being closeted. It didnt work for meI started coming out when I was fourteenbut that doesnt mean that I think its bad. Lisas home life is such a nightmare that it would be borderline suicidal for her to come out. Safety has to come before gay pride. Because she is closeted, we have to keep our relationship a secret. Therein lies the problem: me, the ultra-lesbian whos used to not caring what anyone thinks, dating her, the girl whos just recently come to terms with lesbianism and honestly cant let many people know. I guess its just hard for me to keep secrets, especially since I love being with Lisa so much. Were not very good at hiding our relationship, Im afraid. The whole "why are you two constantly around each other and swapping letters and looking kind of doe-eyed in each others presence" issue has come up among people who know us. Also the "why do you two always seem to be in the bathrooms together" issue. (Hey, if one of us were a boy, we could simply maul each other in the hallway like my classmates do, but we have to use discretion and kiss in the bathroom. Even if our relationship wasnt a secret, I dont want anyone telling me that Im a sick and disgusting pervert for kissing a girl, or have them proposition me for a threesome.) The sum of the situation is that only our closest friends know, with a few major exceptions. My biggest problem with this situation is the attitude that those friends that know have towards us. This attitude (and I know everyone goes through this) can be summed up as the "why cant you two just keep a low profile" attitude. People ranging from my close friends to my father have told me that Lisa and I should "be sure not to make our relationship obvious" and "be subtle about our sexuality." Screw subtlety. I refuse to hide who I am for someone elses comfort. (Which, I suppose, is one of the reasons that I write this column.) Lisa, however, cannot afford to be as open. My question is, how much more subtle can we be? We only kiss when no one else is around, we use code words; our only crime seems to be that Im openly gay and were constantly in each others company. It angers me that we are expected to shut up and go about our merry closeted way not only for our own safety, but for the comfort of those around us. I guess theyd like to continue thinking that gay people can only be over 18, and theyre all just a bunch of barbaric child hunting trolls anyway. I dont ask for much. Id like to be able to hold Lisas hand as were walking down the hallway. Id like to not have to deal with the rumor mill. Id like to be able to dance with her at prom and not worry about the redneck brigade coming after us with baseball bats. That is a lot to ask for, apparently. I know that it will never happen with us. Not in this county, anyway. I cant think of a single gay teenager in this county who would be nutty enough to take a same gender date to a dance, or to openly date them. No, ours is a world of secrets and silence. Id love to break the silence, but Id like to remain in one piece. Schools are violent enough, I dont want to make myself a larger target than I already am. So Im as subtle as I can be. My father, who thinks that Lisa is a very nice girl and is extremely supportive, wishes that I didnt write this column. He doesnt want any of the crazies in the world to come gunning after me. His request is for me to "keep a low profile." Given my activities in the gay community as of late, Im convinced that "keeping a low profile" is anything short of coming out on national television. Dad runs on the same expectations that most of my friends do. They think that a) coming out is inherently dangerous, and b) that all of the crazies in the world will come gunning after me, as opposed to the other millions of gay people in the world. I only agree with those ideas to a certain extent. Beyond that, theyre flattering, in a barbaric sort of way. "Oh, of all the people, youre going to gay bash me?" (Note: I apologize for the bad joke.) Its been my own observation that most of the world reacts to gay people with casual indifference. Who are Lisa and I bothering, anyway? Were not out to recruit, or corrupt the children. Were just two girls who happen to date each other. Its not the end of the world, despite what her mother thinks. (Then again, Lisas mom thinks that not only am I the devil incarnate, but Lisa is "leading me on" and needs to "straighten up".) (Note to Lisas mom: Yes, I am a human being.) When I show this column to my best friend, who sometimes proofs for me, hes going to tell me that Im preaching to the choir again. Oh, well. Happy Memorial Day, everyone. Ill save the "gays in the military" rant for another day. Kristen Foery, Governor-Elect of the Delaware State Youth Congress, is a regular contributor to LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth. She can be reached in care of LETTERS from CAMP Rehoboth, or at kristen@youth-guard.org. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 9, No. 5, May 21, 1999 |