LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
Student CAMP: Closet Bad? |
by Kristen Minor |
I have a hypothetical situation. Let's say that you have a friend, female, who is very religious and has been raised by extremely conservative parents. This friend is quiet, somewhat opinionated, and as near to Republican as anyone who is in a social circle with the gays, theater rats, and persons with multiple piercings/amusing hair color can be. And then, let us say that this friend is, in the opinion of many people in the previously mentioned circle, completely and utterly smitten with another friend. Finally, let us say that this other friend is also female. So... now what? I'm guessing that anyone reading this has seen through my brilliant use of hypotheticals. Yes, I have a friend who seems to have a crush on another girl. Normally, by this time I would be breaking out the freedom rings and giving her the grand tour of Baltimore Avenue, but there are some hitches. First of all, the girl that Meg (do I ever use real names in this column?) is smitten with is very, very straight. Secondly, and more problematically, Meg has not said a word to any of the several gay people in our circle regarding this issue. Shy as she is, one would think that Meg might say a few words regarding the situation. Something along the lines of "Hi, guys, want to go to the movies on Saturday? By the way, have I mentioned my recent sexuality crisis?" There's a little voice in the back of my head that is contemplating whether or not the girl actually realizes that she is sending out a sapphic vibe to beat the band. I know that denial is a powerful thing, (as my brother says, it's so much more than a river...) but there are points where it is painful to watch Meg around what's her name. There are times when I have an irresistible urge to say something. But I don't. I'm actually really torn about this issue. I remember when I first started to question my sexuality. I would have loved for some understanding friend to sit down and talk about it. I am not Meg, though, and I spend a long time dropping beads to my friends. Every time I bring up the "Where is Meg on the Kinsey Scale?" issue my girlfriend says the same thing: Give her some time. Meg will deal with it next year. She's right, I know, but a huge childish part of me is screaming, "I wanna know now!" It's best not to rush these things, I suppose. And in thinking about Meg, I often find my mind wandering to several of my ex classmates. Who is going to come out in a few years? The soprano girl who so obviously had a crush on the choir director? The guy in my math class who was so insecure about his masculinity that every time gay issues came up he described his hetero sex exploits? I feel like I should start a long term betting pool. Come to my 20th high school reunionI'll be the one in the corner, trading twenties with people who doubted the power of gaydar. Since I've graduated from Cape, I feel much freer to criticize the place. I think it's because I know I don't have to go back there and face the opinions of my classmates. There is a big part of me that questions just how much good it did for me to be completely out in high school. In four years I have had approximately two friends at my school realize their queerness. One of them did it without any help or support from me, and the other is my girlfriend. I'm not sure if my girlfriend even countsthere was a point in time when the "Friends do not kiss each other the way we just did" issue was too great to circumvent. Since I was the one who led her to the sexuality crisis, I feel like helping her deal with her lesbianism is almost balancing the scale. Yes, that was a joke. I'm not saying that I was expecting a flood of people to rethink their orientation the minute that the school's GSA was foundedI just wish, perhaps selfishly, that I could have concrete proof that being the school's token lesbian meant something to someone other than myself and the red necks. I don't mean that I want to be viewed as Cape's big gay hero. Rather, I want to know that my high school was changed, however slightly, by my presence. Is that arrogant? I'm not sure. Back to the closets of Cape. I can't say I blame anyone who wants to wait until after high school to come outit's no fun to have to face homophobic people every day, let alone go to English class with them. I recently ran into a graduate who came out of the closet in his freshman year of college. "It's just easieryou don't have to worry about it getting around to your parents or anyone else who knows you." Point taken. I'm told that gay people are coming out earlier and earlier, with mixed results. The e-mail list I work for has some 12 year olds on it that have informed their middle schools that they are gay. I admire the bravery of those kidsit's nice to have people fight the "When you turn 18, you realize that you're gay" stereotype. At the same time, I have my reservations. How young is too young? I realized at 9 that I liked girls, but now, as I'm going on 18, I still don't know how I feel about boys. I worry that some grade school kid is going to try to pick a "gay" label and stick with it, and then go through all sorts of trauma when they realize that the identity they picked out because at the time it felt right, no longer applies. (I am, at this moment, dodging the issue of labels. Some other column.) The voice in my head is telling me that realizing one's homosexuality after years of assuming the opposite is just about the same thing. I don't think it is, though. For some people, sexuality is transitional. "Ex" gays aside, some people do experiment with homosexuality before realizing that they are straight. That, in my opinion, is not bisexualitythat's experimentation. Sometimes it is just a phase. I'm looking forward to teasing certain people about the straight phase they went though in high school while at the class of 2000 reunions. I just hope I don't do it with a husband on my arm. Kristen may be reached at kristen@youth-guard.org |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 10, No. 7, June 16, 2000. |