|by Tom Minnuto|
In a recent Rehoboth town meeting, a handful of summertime socialites asked, "Now that it's the year 2000, what's in store for the next decade?"
That's a tough question to answer. Who knew in 1990 that we were about to be blitzed by theme parties and bachelor auctions? Or that our favorite dance club, The Strand, would be torn down? Or better yetthat we would "keep Rehoboth a family town" NOT!
Truth is, we just don't know what the future holds. However! It just so happens that I know a few drag queens that work at the Delmarva chapter of the Psychic Friends Network. And after days of begging (and offering to buy them a life supply of press-on nails), I finally convinced them to help me. As a result, I'm pleased to present predictions for the next 10 years in Rehoboth Beach, as foreseen by super psychics Miss Crystal Bawl and Miss Rita Palm.
Here are their predictions:
July 2000 After 5 consecutive years of hosting Rehoboth's largest July 4th bash, members of 10 George will finally call it quits. The patriotic party house will be entered into the Guinness Book of World Records on two counts: 1) For having the highest attendance ever at a house party; and 2) For being silly enough to invite 800 perfect strangers in the first place.
October 2000 Talk radio embarrassment, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, begins production on her new syndicated television show only to have Paramount Studios cancel it one month later due to poor ratings and what critics say are "philosophical viewpoints from the middle-ages." Humiliated by the failure, Dr. Laura is forced to go into hiding at the Rehoboth Beach Trailer Park where she eventually falls in love with her next door neighbora lesbian named Mac.
May 2001 Hairy chests, backs, legs and butts become fashionable again for gay men. This is good news for Gary Seiden who begins hosting weekly hair brushing parties at 119 Norfolk, but bad news for the Rehoboth Beach City Council which coincidentally lifts the "No G-strings-on-the-beach" rule a month earlier.
June 2002 Twenty-five members are kicked out of Rehoboth's "Fabulous 50" social circle when they fail to include the words "Invitation Only" on their party flyers. Banished members are forced to attend "open-to-all" house parties and laughed at when they are seen sunbathing on the far south end of Poodle Beach.
February 2003 In addition to Blue Moon, Cloud 9, and Planet X, Rehoboth welcomes new restaurants, Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto to its repertoire.
April 2003 Reverend Fred Phelps comes out of the closet and purchases the blue-roofed "Taco Bell" house overlooking Poodle Beach. He generously throws weekly cocktail parties to make up for his hateful behavior in the 1990's.
August 2004 Rehoboth Beach City Council enacts a new "good will towards men" law that requires the townspeople to either smile and be respectful to each other or leave town. Bitter queens pack up and head to Fire Island. The Fabulous 50 suffers more losses.
June 2005 Superstar Madonna, her five children, and her children's fathers move to Rehoboth and live in an oceanfront mansion. Madonna spends her Saturday Nights vogueing at Cloud 9. Daughter, Lourdes, hits diva status among gay men. Friend, Rupert Everett, takes a job dancing naked on a Renegade box.
September 2006 A major tidal wave devastates the first 3 blocks of Rehoboth. Gays seize the opportunity to redecorate and renovate hundreds of water damaged homes which clearly never had the discriminating tastes of gays in mind when they were originally built.
August 2007 208 Rodney's Cliff Lassahn wins the Poodle Award for best drag makeup and costume, defeating such notables as Gladys Kravitz, Christopher Peterson and Chris Riss. A talent scout discovers Cliff, and he is awarded a 5-year contract with TommyBoy Records to become the biggest drag sensation since RuPaul.
June 2008 Drag Volleyball becomes a sanctioned international competitive event at the 2008 Summer Olympics.
July 2009 A swarm of sand flies plagues Dinah Shores (The Lesbian Beach at North Shores) forcing lesbians to take over Poodle Beach. Poodle Beach is renamed Diesel Beach. Queen Street is renamed King Street. Gay men flee to northern Dewey Beach where hundreds of curious "straight" Dewey boys mix in and get converted.
Well, there you have it! Sounds like an interesting decade ahead. Don't forget that while some things change, others stay the same. Meaning, we have a summer of old favorites ahead of us, including:
The Beach Essentials "Tom of Finland" Fashion Show on June 3rd at The Double L from 5 to 8 p.m.
The first Cloud 9 Tea Dance on June 4th from 5 to 8 p.m with DJ Bob Wolcott to benefit The CAMP Rehoboth Community Center Project.
The first Yum Yum Tea Dance on May 29th from 5 to 8 p.m. with DJ Tommy Walton.
The Blue Moon Bachelor Auction, June 10 from 5 to 8 p.m.
The LOVE 2000 dance benefit on July 1st at the Rehoboth Convention Center from 8 p.m. to 2 a.m.
The SUNDANCE auction and dance benefit on September 2nd and 3rd at the Rehoboth Convention Center.
And tons of house parties in between!
If you want to keep abreast of all of Rehoboth's happenings, get on the BeachHouseNetwork.com NEWS & NOTES e-mail distribution list! Submit your e-mail address to Tom@BeachHouseNetwork.com and get instant news on upcoming events, house parties, and business happenings about town! Don't be left out!Right now is the time to get your beach house listed in Beach Book 2000, Rehoboth's summer phone directory! Don't miss the June 4th deadline!! Fill out a registration form found inside this issue of LETTERS, register online at www.camprehoboth.com or stop by the CAMP Rehoboth office at 39 Baltimore Ave today!
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 10, No. 5, May 19, 2000.