LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
Confessions of a Late Bloomer |
by Randy Siegel |
On the Road Again
Upon my divorce, I wondered if I would ever travel again. Finding another compatible travel companion seemed an insurmountable task. Traveling with my ex was one of the things I missed most about my marriage. We were a well-oiled traveling machine. I drove. She navigated. Together, we planned, explored, and entertained each other during long layovers. We took wonderful trips. France, Greece, England, Canada and the American West were just a few of our ports of call. We could rough it or lavish in the lap of luxury. Either way, we were happiest when we traveled. Right after my divorce, I found it simpler to travel alone than to find a suitable traveling companion. These solitary ventures became personal retreats providing much-needed time to read and reflect. Some of the biggest decisions I have made in my life were made while traveling solo. While traveling alone in Fort Lauderdale, I decided to leave my job of 10-years and take some time off. On another trip, I decided to move to the mountains. Traveling alone does not have to mean vacationing alone. A fun way for a single to vacation like a double is to find a fellow traveler who can become a "vacation husband." While visiting South Beach two years ago, I met Noel, a cute Frenchman. Upon meeting, he explained that while he planned to leave for the Keys the following day, he could be persuaded to stay if he met someone interesting. We spent the next four days together. On another trip to Palm Springs, I met Ray from Los Angeles. Again, we shared a wonderful vacation together. Gradually, I began to meet others who were also interested in travel. It takes more than a common interest in travel, however, to make a compatible travel companion. A friend much younger than I recently invited me to Paris over the holiday. While the invitation was tempting, our varying alarm clocks were cause for alarm. I am up at dawn, and he rarely awakes before noon. I declined his offer. In addition to similar schedules, common goals are also helpful when traveling with friends. If one person seeks relaxation and the other adventure, problems can emerge. When traveling in tandem, I learned to watch for "travel tremors," issues that if not properly managed can erupt into full-scale earthquakes. The most common travel tremors are meals and money. Few things are worse than traveling with someone who eats only certain foods or is rigid about the time they eat. I found flexibility is key to successful travel, and trying new foods is part of the adventure. Always going Dutch or keeping a mental balance sheet to ensure expenses are equitable keeps money from becoming a resentment when traveling with a friend. Keeping a kitty for common expenses also works well when traveling in groups. Traveling with a boy or girlfriend brings into play another set of dynamics. While we may think we know someone, rarely do we really know him or her until we have traveled together. Several years ago, I went oversees with a man I had been dating. Even though we were in one of the most romantic spots in the world, never had I felt so alone. He was so consumed with travel logistics that he could not be present. Even though we had dated for six months prior to the trip, I had never seen this side of him before. Whether traveling with friends or a lover, scheduling time for independent activities is important. Time alone permits each to visit attractions exclusive to his interests and gives both much-needed time alone. I have also found it useful to bring a deck of cards or other games. During layovers, plane delays and train trips, games help pass time. Games also provide entertainment at night. Toward the end of a wonderful trip to Morocco, a friend and I spent a pleasant evening in the open courtyard of our hotel sipping wine and playing gin. We were grateful for a night at "home." Six years after my divorce, I am traveling as much as I ever did. Sometimes I travel with others, other times I travel alone. Either way, the more I travel the better traveler I become. Randy Siegel, an Asheville, NC resident, is a regular contributor to Letters. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 11, No. 10, July 27, 2001. |