LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
Student CAMP Going Back to Normal |
by Kristen Minor |
When I heard about the latest study about ex-gays, I laughed. I laughed because the study is quite funnyone of the doctors who helped spearhead the 1973 decision to take homosexuality off of the American Psychiatric Association's list of mental disorders called 200 "ex-gays" and concluded that gays could become heterosexual if they were "highly motivated." To call this study science is to call Liberace a bastion of subtle good taste.
The idea of being highly motivated conjures up many vivid mental images in my mind, the first one being of a late night infomercial shot in front of a live studio audience wherein the host is telling the entranced crowd about the revolutionary "Gay B Gone." That's right, folks, seven easy payments of $19.95 will turn you from a flaming queen to an enormously uptight "straight" person who wallows in self-hatred! As an added bonus, you can subsidize your income by becoming a poster child for the Christian Right! Did I mention that virtually all of those interviewed were, in fact, poster children for the ex-gay movement? I find that important. So the study is unpublished, not at all peer reviewed, and has been contradicted by other studies, one of which was released soon after. It is a joke, and the joke is this: behavior is not the same as orientation. Say it with me. Behavior is not orientation. I can wear a pointy hat and wave a stick. This does not make me a witch. I can slap my hands together while screaming "ork ork ork." This does not make me a seal or a Bush impersonator. I can kiss, marry, and have sex with a man. This does not make me straight. This study was the source of great amusement for me. It was hilarious up until the point that I received an email from a girl I know whose parents read the article and summarily concluded that she wasn't trying hard enough to be straight. It was at approximately that point where I remembered that most people do not share my sense of humor. I feel that ex-gays hold an interesting position in society. At best, they are proof that people can convince themselves that whatever they want to believe is true. Ex-gays tend to come from families and backgrounds where homosexuality is violently opposed, and it has got to be hard to hear even more than the standard "being gay is very, very wrong and sick" from all sides. It's easy to understand how playing straight to win the acceptance and love of everyone important in your life is the better choice for some. I just wish that they would play straight and move on instead of trying to make the rest of us poor helpless homos play their game. I wish the study hadn't gotten media attention. As much as I would like to think that it caused little comment and will fade away, I know that the damage is done. How many parents who don't understand sexuality might now think that their queer child isn't trying hard enough? That their child isn't a good Christian? That maybe there is something in this therapy? It is an unfortunate reality that gay teenagers often undergo the greatest amount of backlash from events like these. They are the ones who are financially dependent on their parents, attending high schools where people are inescapable, and dealing with constant supervision. In these situations, it is not unheard of for teens to be forced into conversion therapy, often against their will. This study, when misinterpreted, can provide all of the ammunition needed to justify this abuse. Dr. Robert Spitzer, the author of the study, has said that he is "really concerned with the way that the study has been presented." I suppose that he wants a cookie for this bit of wisdom. It's funny how little the web pages of conversion therapy groups mention what the process involves. I think that in the interest of honesty they should have "We Might Electroshock Your Daughter So She Will Not Like Girls" on the main page in blinking letters. This should be right beside the place where a parent may sign over custody to the organization so that they can legally control everything that the child does. Also in enormous letters should be "Most Therapists Reject This Treatment" and "No conversion therapy has been meaningfully researched and shown to be helpful." Links to testimonies of ex-ex-gays and gay Christian groups should also be prominent. The impression that I get from listening to ex-gay groups is that becoming straight is just a matter of "Gee shuckins! The opposite sex is attractive and I want this to happen so that my family and friends will speak to me again!" Their descriptions of the "support groups" sound akin to walking in the park on a first date, gathering the nerve to reach for the other person's hand. In other words, just a matter of patience, time, and wanting. I never did understand how being gay is a disease. I don't think that I'm hurting anyone. Looking at the ex-gays, however, is looking at people who are hurting. There is a tendency towards depression and suicidal thoughts for those who are not successful in eliminating or suppressing their sexuality. This wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that pretty much everyone who goes through the therapy ends up like thisthe groups have an extremely low success rate. When you consider that from a mainstream psychological perspective the "success stories" are deluding themselves, you have a population of extremely unhappy people. I think that every gay person reaches a point in their life where they have to make a choice to either deal with who they are or lie to themselves. Some who choose the latter path eventually realize the truth of who they are, others live their lives in misery. Gays choose their lifestyles. They just don't choose to be gay. I can only hope that the world will realize that and let conversion therapy fade into quiet absurdity. Parents should not do such things to their children, nor should people do such things to themselves. Kristen Minor is a member of the class of 2004 at Dartmouth College. She thanks her parents for never sending her to therapy and can be reached at kristen@youth-guard.org. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 11, No. 5, May 18, 2001. |