LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
STRAIGHT Talk |
by Charlie McGrath |
The memorial trees lining Rehoboth Avenue are my first memory. Even today these markers cause me to stop and reflect. There is community spirit that lives on through these trees. Even the Big Apple has communities. I am walking the Grand Concourse in the Bronx looking for my alma mater, Cardinal Hayes High School. No one speaks English, and the supermarket has only Spanish phone directories. I remained disconnected till I spotted an African American. Our common language got me back into my old community. This past month the "language" spoken by a large part of the Rehoboth community in Letters has been a connection, for me, to your community. Writing my piece, and reading the other articles, has led me to explore deeper into your essence, the people who make up your life. You will need some patience with my learning curve. A lesbian friend had the word gals circled as her major objection to my article. She was okay when she realized it was only part of the opening fantasy. Another input was from a gay man who has been in the service for some time. He has an outstanding record and has turned down an offer to become an officer. He agreed with my article, and is leaving because of the stress. He had hoped to make it a career but his sexual orientation was not clear until after he had enlisted. We both agreed that there are still a lot of gays and lesbians, especially the latter, in the military. Which brings me to my next venture, learning about lesbians. Since I am attracted to the same things that lesbians like, this should be a snap, right? No! Unless I plan to be planted with one of those trees with a fools marker! Why does Arena's Deli have two "Women" bathrooms side by side? Does this mean that women don't go to the bathroom in pairs in Rehoboth? A visit to Lambda Rising helped in my quest. A young woman was eager to show me what she was attracted to in post cards and posters, for both men and women, sure that I understood that it had to be, "nothing too trashy." Her choices were a perfect lesson. Gay 'n Gray and Camp Out are two articles that connected. John Siegfried has a balanced appetite for both fiction and non-fiction while I seem to overindulge in the latter. A recent reading of Why Is Sex Fun by Jared Diamond, had some interesting chapters: "Why Don't Men Breast Feed Their Babies?" or "What Are Men Good For?" These were sufficient to entice me to Diamond's Pulitzer Prize Guns, Germs, and Steel. From what I have digested so far I can see a book that will destroy some sacred cows! John's nostalgia for the old YMCA brings another amen! Once into nude swimming you are never the same. It can be the pool at the Y or skinny dipping off the rocks into the Hudson river near Yonkers, NY. Although I must admit that feeling the lustful gaze of the girls from the orphans home, across the railroad tracks, made the river a little more fun (and devilish) than the Y. As men we like the fantasy of being desired, but we forget that women even had a heavier burden with the morality of those days. Could their lustful gaze just have been a pining for the social connection of a community swim? It might lead to such scandalous behavior as the exposure of that V! Which leads to Fay Jacobs' article on the Monologues. Fay does not mention Eve Ensler's book, Vagina Monologues, which is on the shelf at Atlantic Book Shop in Rehoboth. I called the store, while writing this article, "This is C..., I thought I should identify myself, this is not an obscene call, you have a small book on your shelves and I need to verify the author, it is called the V..the Va...Va-gi-na Monologues." She was kind, and probably chuckling to herself. "How ridiculous can one man be," I thought, as I reflected back to a recent visit with family and my seven year old naked granddaughter joining us one morning for breakfast. She was pointing dramatically while announcing in a bold and serious voice, "Grampi, this is my vagina." Times are changing. One story in the Monologue book is worth the price of admission. It is the tale of a woman who meets a man, "not really that attractive," who she still wants to get into bed. She just wants to "do it," and does not want to think about it that much, while his goal is to have her undress so that he can, "look at her." What she went through before and after she realized that his "holy grail" was really the view between her legs, will bring tears to the reader. Suppose it becomes a NY Times best seller? Can you imagine the media show? The show will be a sellout almost anywhere, but the book will change the hearts of many. We should give credit to Betty Dodson, author of Sex for One who was really the pioneer of this vagina liberation. I visited with her some years ago at her place in NYC. Her paperback best seller Self Love & Orgasm (1983), with her beautiful drawings, is still prized. A quote from the introduction of a recent book, Women of the Light by Ken Stubbs, sums up my feelings about Betty Dodson: "Betty's book was by a woman, about women, for women. But it was also a book for me, a man who enjoyed being with women. (She) was teaching me about variations among women, about a wide range of sexual possibilities. Moreover, in contrast to a very common theme of the time, Betty's book did not point a finger of blame at the male gender. Subtly, her words and art invited me also to open up, to grow. Betty celebrated sex and orgasm and sensuality and pleasure and exploration...and I wanted to learn more." There is community here in Rehoboth. Is the common language sex? I vote for love? Charlie McGrath, MA Psychotherapist can be reached by e-mail at kylerin@earthlink.net |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 11, No. 4, May 4, 2001. |