LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
Confessions of a Late Bloomer: Out in the Workplace |
by Randy Siegel |
For me, coming out was a time marked with fear, and no fear was greater than the thought of losing my job.
I knew the law would not protect me. Georgia is one of 37 states in which it is still legal to discriminate against gays and lesbians. Despite my fears, I came out at work. While I wasn't fired, the balance sheet changed. My sexual epiphany both strengthened and weakened my value to the company. On the positive side, I became a better manager. Some employees began referring to my coming out as "the great enlightenment." Free to be myself, I was more open, caring and flexible. I built closer relationships with my employees, clients and business partners. On the negative side, I was a gay man fighting to make it in a "good old boy" world. The firm in which I worked was Midwestern, conservative, and male dominated. I was terrified of coming out to my straight boss. At first, I fooled myself into thinking he already knew. Later I admitted that even if he did know, we needed to talk. I asked my mentor for advice. He suggested that instead of a dramatic declaration I wait until a situation arose where a conversation could naturally evolve. Within several months that opportunity came. When a gay political organization, the Human Rights Campaign, asked me to join their business advisory board, I asked my boss for the company's blessing. He thought it best I decline, suggesting I concentrate my efforts on the office instead. While it wasn't the answer I wanted, it was an important step toward creating a dialog where none had existed before. Coming out is not a one-time event; we come out almost every day of our lives. In the workplace, we must constantly decide whether or not to share our lives with clients, coworkers, suppliers and other business associates. Each circumstance requires examination and its own strategy. Each circumstance requires a choice, and in making that choice it is critical to weigh our interests against those of our companies. For me it was a matter of definition: I was an executive who was gay, not a gay man who was an executive. When I represented my company, I always represented my company's best interest. At the same time, I did not compromise who I was. I did not lie about my sexuality, but there were times I didn't volunteer the information either. One client immediately warmed when he learned I was going through a divorce. Like me, his divorce had been messy. His idea of bonding was cruising strip clubs and chasing women. Telling him I was gay would have not only harmed the relationship it would have cost my company business. Instead I begged off, making lame excuses, then felt bad about myself for not being more honest. Most business is built on relationships, and when we cannot share who we really are it is difficult, if not impossible, to build meaningful ones. In my opinion, this liabilityabove all othersputs gay and lesbian executives at a disadvantage. Employers may ask if the assets outweigh the liabilities of having a gay or lesbian employee. It depends on the employee and on the job. Gay or straight, each of us brings to our companies a unique set of strengths and weaknesses. Employers will always have gay and lesbian employees. Instead of focusing on sexuality, management is better served studying how to make the workplace more productive. For most gays, this means an open and accepting environment. Management cannot accomplish this alone. As gay and lesbian employees, we can help affect change by sharing our stories. By coming out, we best advocate our cause. Looking back, my greatest fears were unfounded. The advantages of coming out at work far outweighed the disadvantages for me, my company and our cause. After more than 20 years in Atlanta public relations, Randy Siegel is now an Asheville communications trainer and coach specializing in presentation skills. He can be reached at RASWriter@aol.com. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 11, No. 14, October 19, 2001. |