LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
Weekend Beach Bum: Holy eBay Madness, Batman! |
by Eric Morrison |
Not being the most computer savvy queen on the block, I used to hear the term "eBay" and shake my head in puzzlement. "I bought this on eBay," someone would say, pointing to a great new shirt. "You're such an eBay whore," one friend would joke to another. Slowly, I learned that eBay is "The World's Online Marketplace," but all I could picture was a massive flea market spread over thousands of computers across the globe, featuring your Aunt Bertha's prized Elvis salt and pepper shakers and some Goodwill garments from the 1970s. But when I started to catch myself singing in the shower, a la Old Blue Eyes, "I Did it eBay," I knew I wouldn't get the commercial jingle out of my head until I'd gotten onto the website.
Then, at shows, I began to notice that my friend and sister Christina DeCarlo was sporting some faboosh new jewels. Seeing me greedily eyeing her new silver rhinestone bracelets, she confessed, "You like these? I got them on eBay. Only $12.99 each!" Backstage, my fellow performers could hear the gears beginning to grind in my head. I've got to get on eBay! Visions of sugar plum-colored beaded gowns danced in my head. With fabulous drag arriving in brown paper packages on a regular basis, I wouldn't have to settle for one hard candy Christmas per year. Anita could have a Mary Christmas year-round! The first time I checked out the site, I was overwhelmed by the bright colors on the home page, not to mention all the strange phrases. Items I'm Watching...Items I've Bid On...Items I've Won...Safe Trading Tips...Feedback Forum...PayPal. I wondered if I'd ever master the mother tongue of this brave new world. Wandering blindly like a shopping warrior through a capitalist maze of new bargains, at last, my eyes set upon the words I'd been searching forNew Users...Register Now. The site couldn't be more user-friendly, even for someone like me who actually owns a copy of ATM Machines for Dummies. Registration was quick and painless, thanks to a thorough yet brief introduction narrated by the good old voice-mail lady (or maybe her sister). In just minutes, I had happily joined the ranks of millions of worldwide eBay whores...uh, users. For those of you whose existence is bland and meaningless without eBay as a part of your daily life, I'll give you the quick scoop. At any given time, the website lists thousands (millions?) of items for sale by eBay sellers. Anyone can become an eBay seller or buyer. Although I have yet to list anything on eBay as a seller, registration to buy is completely free of charge. Item listings usually include a detailed description and at least one picture. Selling is auction style. Each item is listed for a certain number of days, and at the end of that time, the highest bidder wins the item for the price of their bid plus shipping and handling. But how can you be sure that a seller is on the up and up, you ask. Not a problem. Those eBay geniuses have got this one covered with The Feedback Forum. Everyone who buys or sells on eBay earns feedback points. For example, if you buy a "like new" vintage Bert and Ernie puppet set and it arrives just as promised in a timely manner, you leave positive feedback (one point) for the seller. If Bert and Ernie arrive after two months looking like they fought in the trenches of World War I, you leave that seller negative feedback (minus one point). If Bert and Ernie arrive a little tardy and looking less than perky, you might choose to leave that seller neutral feedback (zero points). You can check out a seller's feedback before placing a bid on one of his/her items, just like you'd check the reputation of an auto mechanic before taking your car in for a tune-up. In the worst-case scenario, if Bert and Ernie never even make it from Sesame Street to your house, and attempts to contact the seller are in vain, you can launch a fraud investigation through eBay. Pretty cool, huh? So far, the vast majority of my eBay experiences have been very positivegreat items, wonderful sellers, incredible bargains. I spent $200 on a Caribbean blue beaded gown when I won my Empress of All the Crowns title, only to find the exact same dress (NWTnew with tags) had just gone for $30 the day before. "I'll never pay retail or wholesale again," I tell my sisters of the sequins. In fact, since I became an avid eBayer, I have not bought a single drag item anywhere else. When you can get an amazing red, black, and gold $2000 Mardi Gras outfit (worn only once!) for $110, why shop anywhere else? I am still waiting for a pair of 6" platform white vinyl thigh high boots that weren't in stock when I won them, and I did receive a "warrior woman" outfit that came in green and black instead of royal blue, but eBay's enormous bargains and great sense of community far outweigh any negative experiences I've had. There's only one small problem with eBay, and I feel I must warn you about it, now that I've touted its many virtues. IT IS TOTALLY ADDICTING. You can find absolutely anything you want, including a "make your own dildo" kit in which you create a plaster cast of your penis, pour in the latex, and voilathe perfect give for the narcissistic sex addict. Art, antiques, collectibles, furniture, clothing, shoes, knick-knacks, appliances, toys, games, books, even automobiles! Anything you could possibly want to purchase is at your fingertips. The auction style of eBay makes the purchase process much more exciting than pawing through racks and standing in line for twenty minutes at the local WalMart. You literally won't want to leave your computer screen. I'd love to tell you a lot more about my favorite new obsession, but I have an auction ending in 9 minutes, 32 seconds. Eric can be reached at e.a.morrison@verizon.net. Put "End of eBay AuctionItem Lost-Similar Item Available" in the title, and he'll respond in a nanosecond. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 13, No. 3, April 4, 2003 |