Lipstick & Dipstick
|by Gina Daggett & Kathy Belge|
|CAMP Rehoboth welcomes Lipstick & Dipstick, a punchy new advice column for the queer community from two edges of the lesbian spectrum. With humor and honesty Lipstick & Dipstick answer today's most pressing queer questions. Whether dishing out advice on relationships or how to fight homophobia in our schools, Lipstick & Dipstick combine their wit with expert knowledge of today's LGBT community. Lipstick is Gina Daggett, a femme fatale in Prada pumps. "I was born with a tube of lipstick in my hand," says Daggett. Not to mention, she was born with a knack for sass. Dipstick is Kathy Belge, who wears her butch badge with pride. "But I also have a sensitive side," she says, as evidenced by her 10 years as a counselor for LGBT youth. Although they don't always agree, Lipstick & Dipstick will make you think about where you stand, how you stand and which shoes you stand in.
Dear Lipstick & Dipstick: I'm a straight man in a great long-term marriage. My wife and I recently started renting porn, and I'm concerned because she only wants to watch lesbian porn. Is she a lesbian? Losing My Wife to Lesbians
Lipstick: Don't worry mister manit sounds like your wife is just embracing her sexuality. Halleluiah! I hope she tells all her friends and it catches on like a wildfire across California! No need to be threatened by her craving for cunnilingus, it doesn't mean she's looking for a little lesbian of her own. From what I hear, most men dream of having a wife like her, so instead of feeling shaky and insufficient, pay close attention, get on your knees and thank Sappho that your wife's open enough to admit she's turned on by a little girl-on-girl action. Lucky you.
Dipstick: And while you're on your knees, why not practice some of those moves your porn star friends are so fond of. My guess is your lady is not so much longing for the lesbians, but the kind of pleasure they can provide. Shave your whiskers and get busy, boy!
Dear Lipstick & Dipstick: I have been dating this guy for about 6 months. He is very sweet and I think we have a great thing. For the most part, I don't care what he wears, but when he dresses up, he wears white tube socks with black shoes and pleated pants. How do I tell the love of my life that he needs to get a new wardrobe? Disoriented about Dress Sox
Dipstick: Did I miss something? What's wrong with that?
Lipstick: Oh boy Dipstick, we need to talk. DDS, handle your fashionably dysfunctional fella with kid gloves, or rather, kid socks. First of all, you're right, white tube socks and dress slacks go together like acid and eyeballs, definitely a no-no. While not all gay men were born with the "queer eye," like a pallet for fine wine, chic fashion sense can be acquired. Pick up a copy of Men's Wardrobe and act like you're just reading it for shits and giggles. Odds are, he'll be curious and you guys can learn the principles of proper fashion together. Or, behind his back, you could burn all his tube socks with a can of lighter fluid. Make sure you put the lid on the grill once it gets going. My wife's "Melissa Etheridge 1987" t-shirt almost caught the house on fire.
Dipstick: Good lord, Lipstick. You could have sold that concert shirt for a fortune on E-bay!
Dear Lipstick & Dipstick: I am a soft butch and have always dated femme women. But I've always had an attraction for super butches. Do you think one would go out with me? Would I have to become a femme in order to attract her attention? Soft Butch in Babylon
Lipstick: Absolutely not! Unless, underneath it all, it's your secret fantasy to dress in a cute skirt while shopping for handbags with your ultra-butch honey. Babylon Beauty, do you find yourself slowing along the makeup aisle, curious about the eyelash curlers, the pumice stones, the rolling brushes? If so, then knock yourself outyou're having latent femme tendencies. Budding Femme, embrace your ultra-soft side, if not for super-butchie, for yourself.
Dipstick: Softie, I hear ya! There's nothing like a big bear of a beauty barreling down on a Harley to get my heart strings vibrating. But somewhere down the line of lesbian lore, it became verboten for us butches to lust after our brethren. Why is that? We should look at our gay brothers as role models in this arena. I often see two handsome heartthrobs walking hand-in-hand. Do their fellating friends scorn them? I don't think so! So, why do many lesbians insist that butch/femme is the only way to go? Don't change a thing, but be prepared to make the first move. Take a bull-dyke out for a beer. I hope she fulfills your freakiest fantasies!
Got a question for Lipstick & Dipstick? Drop them a line at www.lipstickdipstick.com
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 15, No. 6 June 3, 2005