LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
CAMP Safe |
by Sal Seeley LCSW |
In Leathermen, I Trust Leather, blindfolds, hoods, gags, Boy/Sir, Master/Slave, S&M, B&D are just some of the things you might see and hear if you wander into the Mr. Double L contest in September. The contest is one of the events that I look forward to now that the summer is over. I particularly feel connected to the men who just don't dress up for a night at the bar but who incorporate "leather community" ideals in their life and relationships. Many men in this group like their play rough, and edgy, and associate it with adventure, danger and pushing the limits. Some research has shown that, as a group, men who are more likely to be sexually adventurous are also more likely to be or become HIV-positive. Many men in this group will play by safety norms and others will take chances and risks. I have had the opportunity to meet with leathermen from different leather clubs/bars while going to school in San Francisco and visiting friends in major cities. One of the things I have found is that the leather community is the one group that has really taken the time to emphasize playing safe, especially around HIV and safer sex. I have a good friend who is a "Master." He takes his slave out for walks in the Castro by collaring him and keeping close to him with a leash! It doesn't turn any heads on Castro Street but imagine that scene on Rehoboth Avenue. We had a good discussion about Master and Slaves. I learned from him that being the submissive partner in S&M, B&D and other types of power and role-play doesn't mean you also have to give up control over your sexual health. Make it clear that you only have sex with condoms. Set boundaries before you get started, to avoid getting more than you signed up for. Remember that any sex involving you being handcuffed or tied up puts you at the mercy of your partner so you need to be able to trust them. Some men Combine sex with drugs, but if you are going to be constrained in any way, make sure you and your partner are not too out of it. You would be amazed at the number of deaths that are listed as suicides or manslaughter because of bad mistakes made by guys playing with constraints. The important lesson is to be safe, sane and consensual. Safety means maintaining a negative HIV status or not infecting someone. Being sane is caring about what you are doing to yourself and others. Consensual is agreeing to what kind of sex you will be having and letting others be aware that you are either HIV-negative or HIV-positive.Sal Seeley is Program Director of CAMPsafe, an HIV/AIDS program funded through a contract with the Delaware Division of Public Health. E-mail salvatoreseeley@aol.com. Confidential HIV testing is available at CAMP Rehoboth. Call Sal at 302-227-5620 to schedule an appointment. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 18, No. 13 September 12, 2008 |