Words Matter
Most of the time when I need a quick answer I turn to Google; when that fails or I don’t even know what I’m searching for, I turn to Kathy. No, Kathy is not some new and improved secret search engine; she’s our very real, flesh and blood CAMP Rehoboth admin assistant. Kathy knows stuff. Not gossipy stuff, but fascinating bits of information I didn’t even know I needed until she finds it, or clips it out for my attention.
Not long ago, Kathy slipped a couple of pages from Harper’s Magazine onto my desk. One was the “Harper’s Index” page and a couple of items were highlighted in fluorescent pink marker:
“Percentage of Americans who support allowing ‘homosexuals’ to serve in the military: 59%”
“Percentage of Americans who support allowing ‘gay men and lesbians’ to serve: 70%”
The words we use matter. To opponents of gay rights, it is very important that we remain ” homosexual” because Americans, no matter what they say, are not particularly comfortable with sexuality in general. Define us by our sexuality and that’s all we are. It ignores all the other elements of who we are as human beings. It has long been my rule, by the way, that if the conversation is about homosexuals it must also be about heterosexuals. If it’s gay; straight is just fine. Equality, right?
I wonder what the response would have been if the survey had asked: Do you support allowing heterosexuals to serve in the military? Or even if it asked: Do you support allowing left handed people to serve in the military?
My mother has always enjoyed poetry, and I recently discovered a short piece that she had circled in a tiny volume of poems and prayers by Jane Merchant:
Of Certain Words
Water must ripple
When stones are cast
Into its depths.
Calm comes, at last
When the last circumference
Of dismay
Is spent. Calm comes;
But the stones stay.
As children we used to chant “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” As a child I wasn’t quite sure that was true. As an adult I understand that “name calling” is always more about the person doing the calling than the one on the receiving end—that someone else’s bigotry has nothing to do with who I am.
Words can be painful, but they can also elevate and inspire as every great songwriter and poet knows. The greatest art always speaks directly to the heart of the one experiencing it, no matter what the emotion—joy, pain, hope, or love.
With my work at CAMP Rehoboth and for other organizations in the area, I spend a lot of time in meetings. Rarely does one of those meetings pass without the subject of communication rising to the top of the agenda. What we say, where we say it and how we say it will always be a priority for any organization—and for us as human beings.
When we started CAMP Rehoboth twenty years ago, there was a great debate about whether the production of this magazine was worth the time and effort required to manage it. Steve and I fought for it because we knew that it gave us a means of communication as well as an income for our budding organization. Now, in the 21st century we, like everyone else, are trying to manage the multiple media platforms available to us—print, Web site, email, social networks, twitter, smartphones, blogs.
Recently, it was announced that the Library of Congress is archiving all twitters. A fascinating experiment, yes—and a commentary about life in 2010. I enjoy Facebook too, but my use of it is like a stone skipping across the water. I touch down here and there—comforted, I must say by the iPresence of my friends and family—but only sampling the vast sea of words surrounding us.
One of the easiest mistakes we humans make is assuming that we have been understood. Some of that comes from poorly expressing ourselves; some of it comes because our listeners (in whatever medium that happens to be) are not listening at all—are far too distracted by the cares and concerns of their daily lives to really hear what is being said to them.
Over and over again in the history of CAMP Rehoboth, the most painful problems we’ve had to deal with occurred because of simple misunderstandings. Only occasionally has a problem not been solved by sitting down and clarifying the situation with all those involved.
Perhaps the greatest challenge for all of us in this media driven maelstrom that is modern life, is finding the right words—the words of truth—and remembering that words of kindness, compassion, and love always make a difference in the world around us.
Murray Archibald, Founder and President of the Board of Directors of CAMP Rehoboth, is an artist in Rehoboth Beach.