Civil Rights...(and Civil Wrongs)
So, here we are once again at the start of a new year.
January in Rehoboth Beach is not nearly as deserted as one might think—though in comparison to an August day at the height of the summer season, the validity of that statement could certainly be challenged. Rehoboth has its own kind of beauty at this time of the year and I always enjoy the brief respite that comes between New Year’s Day and Valentine’s Day.
With this issue of Letters from CAMP Rehoboth we begin the twenty-first season of CAMP Rehoboth, and of publishing this magazine. Two months have passed since our holiday issue was released, and in that time the world has, as it always does, continued to evolve at a remarkable pace.
In December Congress repealed Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. At the time, Steve and I were already in Alabama for the holidays, and sitting there watching that vote with my parents and one of my nephews was a powerful experience. My family has always been tremendously supportive of our relationship, and I loved sharing that historic milestone with them.
But then came the tragedy in Tucson, and the shooting that killed six people and severely wounded Representative Gabrielle Giffords. In the first days after the shooting, the cause was widely blamed on the intense battle that rages between the political left and right, and that continues to polarize our country. By now, that blame seems a bit premature and yet the whole issue has sparked a new debate on civility in the arena of politics—and even, perhaps, in the whole of modern life.
The word “civil” is an interesting one. We use it to describe a community of citizens, our government, and our interrelations (as in civil service or civil war). We use it to mean “polite or courteous,” (though sometimes it is less kind than that, and implies barely restraining from rudeness). It also means “cultured and civilized;” or a legal period of time; or to laws relating to the private rights of individuals.
Those of us in the LGBT community know what it’s like to have to fight for our civil rights. We know what it’s like to have strong opposition—to be vilified just because we are who we are. Most of us have learned by now that coming out and living side-by-side with our neighbors and with full participation in the life of our community is the best way to change minds and build meaningful relationships with those around us. That doesn’t mean that everyone agrees with us on every issue; it simply means that we celebrate our diversity instead of beating each other up over it.
When we started CAMP Rehoboth twenty-one years ago, the idea was to build relationships and to create connections throughout the community. We have done that by finding the common ground we share with one another and not getting bogged down in our differences. That’s a whole lot easier to do when we respect one another and when we are “civil” to one another—taking it a step further, when we are kind, courteous, and loving to one another. Ah, here we are again—when we treat one another as we would like to be treated ourselves.
Most of the people in our Rehoboth Beach community know that Epworth United Methodist Church, where Steve and I are members, is a welcoming congregation—that as a church, we voted many years ago to welcome LGBT people into our midst. Other churches in our area have done the same, but my experience is at Epworth, and I know its history well.
Back in the mid 1990s, the people of Epworth were faced with the question of what it meant to welcome everyone regardless of their differences. That meant adding the words “sexual orientation” to the list of people welcomed at the church. There was, of course, opposition and confusion on the part of some members of the congregation, so it was decided that we would have a series of “round table discussions,” where persons of opposing viewpoints would have a chance to share their views in a small group discussion.
Key to the success of the discussions was an acceptance on everyone’s part to respect the beliefs of each member in the small group in which we were participating. It was a powerful time for all of us—gay, straight, liberal, conservative. We put our labels aside, and talked about what it felt like, and why we did not have to be afraid of one another.
The round table discussions were a success, but we still lost some members at the time who could not reconcile their own beliefs with the direction the church was taking. Even so, most of the people who left did so, I think, with a better understanding of the diversity around us.
In 2011, Epworth is an active member of the Methodist Reconciling movement and a passionate force for social justice in our community. Recently it was named one of the most vibrant congregations in the denomination. None of this would have happened without the loving and respectful conversations that took place years ago.
I think that most of us want to look at the leaders in our community, country, and world, and see a grown-up attempt to be civil—no, more than civil, respectful—to one another. We want to see wise decisions being made about our economy, our environment, and the way we deal with the rapidly evolving world around us. We want to see compromise and an end to bitter partisanship, even if it means we sacrifice, for now, some of the demands we deem to be the most crucial.
That doesn’t mean that any of us should stop working to create change in the world around us; it just means that we need to be civil to one another as we do.
Murray Archibald, Founder and President of the Board of Directors of CAMP Rehoboth, is an artist in Rehoboth Beach.
Photos: World AIDS Day Service of Remembrance and Hope; the CAMP Rehoboth float (with the CAMP Chorus onboard) and banner carriers in the Rehoboth Beach Christmas parade.