Love’s Quantum String
Legislators are contemplating the value of a new bill that will impact LGBTQ families, calling into question the definition of family. One admirable thing about being queer is that we queer folk have this amazing propensity to choose who is “family.” We choose who we let it in, who we love and who we don’t. Biology is not the GPS of the heart, which means that vital life decisions are made by other factors. All of our families are “blended families” by desire and design.
While some of our families are composed by biology and/or protected by law; others are held together with chewed bubble gum and frayed shoe strings. Hence the story of my life, always the non-biological mother with a family comprised of time, spirit, and wind, never condoned by law. For LGBTQ parents, families are often built on incomplete news reports, multiple puzzle pieces of laws that do not fit together, slippery emotions built on a teetering foundation and the tricky promises of partners (or ex-partners) impossible to enforce.
Just when I have resigned myself to my position—a mother made of meadow grass swaying in the wind being controlled by earth forces not her own—U.S. Legislators unite in an attempt to free me from my fate. Rep. Pete Stark introduced the Every Child Deserves a Family Act (ECDFA) in May. The act would prohibit the allocation of federal funds for states that discriminate in adoption or foster care placements based on the sexual orientation, gender identity, or marital status of any prospective adoptive or foster parent.
Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen (R-Fla.) signed on as one of the first Republican supporters of the ECDFA bill. She commented, “It’s way past time to allow the thousands of children in foster care the opportunity to live in safe and nurturing families who are eager to adopt them.” For many others like me this bill is a critical turning point on the road to protecting our families. Maybe this should be called the “Even Gay Parents Deserve a Child Act”?
Today, my son and I spent a fun-filled day with chosen friends and family. They were chosen over many years, comprising an integrated support network; a matrix of caring and shared experiences. My son played and laughed with the other children while each of the moms talked about maneuvering our way through our own emotional crossroads. It seems the law may be slowly catching up to reflect the diversity of our families and many of us are hoping that the bill does pass. But regardless, many of us should feel like giving up or at least running away for a little while. Instead I am filled with the contrary.
I have an overwhelming and tremendous hope that a positive future is evolving for me and for my son, a son tied to me by love’s invisible quantum string fraying at the ends but holding us together. Meanwhile, I may only be one strand of meadow grass powerless to the breeze but I am growing tall, my love is strong and my roots run deep. I know my place. Afterall, how can I stop believing in love when I am so undeniably surrounded by it, dumbfounded in the awe of it, and finally old enough to appreciate it?
More information about family equality, and the Family Equality Council
Micaela Tedford is a published author and certified parent education trainer. Email Micaela Tedford