Come Out, Come Out, Whoever You Are
As a gay geezer who has participated in many of the Washington, DC mass gay and lesbian events, I’ve assumed the coming out process now is easier than it was in my era— prior to Stonewall, prior to the Human Rights Campaign, prior to Logo. After all, with a few key strokes any young person can find a plethora of gay and lesbian information on the internet. But two New York Times articles on May 16 made me re-evaluate my assumption.
Rick Welts, the president of the Phoenix Suns, and Don Lemon, a CNN anchor, were reported by The Times as officially coming out of the closet. “N.B.A. Executive Dares to Shed a Shadow Life,” was the headline for a three column article by Dan Barry. The front page spread included a picture of Mr. Welts. A full page continuation of the page one article was in the Sports section of the paper. A major figure in professional sports cracking open the closet door rates as big news.
The article, “Gay CNN Anchor Sees Risk in Book,” written by Bill Carter, got three columns and a head shot in the Media section of the same edition of The Times. Press coverage like this was beyond imagination in the time when I was struggling with the issues surrounding coming out—the issues we’ve all faced. Will I still be respected? Will I lose my job? Will my family disown me? The amount and access of information for closeted gays may have increased, but the issues remain the same.
I Googled National Coming Out Day hoping it was in June, part of the Pride month celebrations. Alas, National Coming Out Day is observed on October 10th, the date of the Second March on Washington for Gay and Lesbian Equality. 2012 will be the twenty-five year anniversary of the 1987 event.
According to The Times, when Welts, 58, met with David Stern, Commissioner of the National Basketball Association, Welts eyes teared up at times as he told Stern he, “…had not felt comfortable enough in his chosen field to be open about his sexuality.” Turns out Stern, “…had long known that his friend was gay, but never felt he had license to broach the subject.”
My partner, Howard, and I had the identical experience shortly after we moved to McClean Gardens in DC, more than two decades ago. Howard’s mentor, a New York City bond trader, who had helped him through rehab in earlier years, came to visit us. He’d not seen Howard in several years and didn’t want to lose contact with him. When Howard picked up his visitor at Union Station, he explained, “The John I live with is more than a room mate, you know.” It was the first time Howard had come out to his mentor, whose response was, “Oh, I know. You’re gay and John is your partner.”
Howard was dumbfounded. He had no inkling his sexuality was known to his mentor. “How long have you known?” was his weak response.
“Ten years or so.”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“Well, you never did, so I figured you didn’t want to talk about it.”
It’s the same scenario. David Stern knew his friend was gay but until Rick Welts brought the subject up, it was off limits. Later, Stern commented, “What I didn’t say at the time (when Welts came to see me) was: I think there’s a good chance the world will find this unremarkable. I don’t know if I was confusing my thoughts with my hopes.”
Don Lemon, CNN anchor has shared the same fears as Rick Welts. While Lemon has been out in his work environment, he’s now written a memoir, Transparent, and knows that going public in his book carries risks. Lemon, in a telephone interview, commented, “I’m scared. I’m talking about something people might shun me for, ostracize me for.” Lemon carries the additional minority tag of being black and knows that being gay in the black community is a double detriment.
Yet he said, “I think it would be great if everybody could be out. But it’s such a personal choice. People have to do it at their own speed.” He acknowledged, “…if I had seen more people like me who are out and proud, it wouldn’t have taken me 45 years to say it, to walk the truth.”
Being “out and proud” is what Gay Pride month is all about but I hope the movers, shakers and planners of the gay and lesbian agenda (whatever that is) will plan now for a Twenty-Fifth Anniversary March for Equality in October of 2012. If everyone who has come out of the closet in the past twenty-five years descends on Washington, we’ll flood the Capitol. We’ll help make David Stern’s wish come true—a time when the world will find coming out unremarkable.
John Siegfried, a former Rehoboth resident, lives in Ft. Lauderdale. Email John Siegfried